


One Love Excerpts

by Sunsetdaydreams



Series: One Love [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Endgame Malec, F/F, F/M, Have to read One Love to make sense, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn, Will add tags as I go, alternate POV of One Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-07-02 18:11:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 48,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15801900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunsetdaydreams/pseuds/Sunsetdaydreams
Summary: This will not make sense without reading One Love as it's just a few extras from that story.Magnus and Alec were high school sweethearts and Camille is Magnus's best friend. But Camille has a plan, she wants Magnus and Alec gets sent away.Thirteen years later and someone is stalking Magnus.Alternative POV from One Love - chapters will be uploaded after the events have already happened in One Love so there will not be any spoilers. Nor will it be updated as regularly as One Love.Disclaimer: I do not own the characters just the plot





	1. Blast from the Past

**Author's Note:**

> This is Alec's POV set before the fifth chapter (Present Day) in One Love.

_Blast from the past_

 

‘Alec?’ Alec looked up blearily to find Aline standing in his doorway holding a file in her hands looking at him worriedly.

He smiled at her and motioned her in. Her knee length skirt swishing softly as she walked, he enjoyed her outfits, they were always feminine and upheld her personality without hindering her professionalism. He didn’t know how she managed to look colourful, show off her ethnic background and still look like she had the title of Lady before her name, but then he wasn’t that interested in finding out. As his old therapist was fond of saying “ _take pleasure in the things you enjoy, even the simple things_ ”. Aline knew this and he was sure she played up her outfits for him.

Since leaving the army Aline wore trousers as little as possible, saying she’d had her fill of them for several life time’s even though she had worked in intelligence and not the front lines. It was rare to see her in something other than a skirt. She’d adapted to civilian life a lot better than he had.

He often found it amusing that some of his employees simply dismissed her as a secretary not realising she could kill them in under five seconds. It wasn’t always a skill that people appreciated or one that Aline liked to brag about.

Aline wasn’t a secretary in any shape or form but she liked to go through the cases as they came in and take first pick. She usually ended up decided what cases they took and punting the rest. She had never seen him wrong and the company had gone from strength to strength with her input. It wasn’t unknown for her to assign cases either.

‘What’s up?’ He smiled at her, ignoring his tiredness.

‘You get any sleep last night?’

He grimaced at the concern in her voice. He must look like hell if she sounded like that. He’d spent most of last night in the gym in his basement trying to tire himself out so that he’d sleep. It hadn’t worked and sunrise had found him already back there, trying to work out his demons and not think about his boyfriend.

Alec felt completely torn with his emotions. On one hand he felt lucky that Ethan was away, otherwise he’d have to see the hidden but ever hopeful look in his eyes that he could take Lily’s place. On the other hand, he missed him, worried about him and wished he was back. He loved Ethan, and knew Ethan loved him back. No one put up with what Ethan did unless they were fully invested, and Ethan was.

‘Lily’s back tonight.’

Lily had only been away for two nights, but it was two nights of barely any sleep, the few hours that he had managed were interrupted by nightmares. She’d only meant to have been out of town for the one night but the case had progressed into an unexpected direction forcing Lily to stay.

It wasn’t ideal but they’d been through worse and would survive relatively unscathed. They had protocols for such scenarios. And if Alec got desperate, he had tablets. But he hated those, they both did and would only use them as a last resort. They made him feel foggy and out of it, not in charge of his own body and he would panic thinking that he needed to be alert and on the ball, but was sometimes confused as to where he was.

Aline nodded wearily. He knew she meant well, but there was nothing that could be done about it. And she knew that. Everybody senior in his company knew that. He’d be fine as soon as Lily was back, and he knew that Lily wouldn’t be having an easy time of it without him either.

‘Surprised you didn’t go out when she found out she had to stay another night.’ He got on well with Aline, not just for work but personally as well. She was one of the few people he could relax around and have a drink with. They never hid their feelings from each other and she’d given him so much information on his condition. Too much, but he had diligently worked through it all and at the end, been thankful for her thoughtfulness. And that he had Lily.

‘We discussed it but by that time the next flight wasn’t until morning so…’ He shrugged. He knew Lily wouldn’t have to stay another night, otherwise he’d have already flown out. The client was happy, their security top of the line and their employees trained. And Lily was already booked on the flight home in a few hours.

‘And Haversmith?’

‘Completely protected. The system caught the guy, the evidence was handed over to the police.’ He shrugged. ‘I still have no idea why the police requested she stayed.’

It was Aline’s turn to shrug. ‘Some police don’t like out of towners coming in and doing their jobs for them. Might’ve needed to push their weight around to feel good about themselves.’

Alec raised an eyebrow. ‘You know something I don’t?’

She grinned. ‘Isn’t that why you hired me? Anyway.’ Aline indicated the file in her hands. ‘We’ve been asked to take on a new case. Stalker. The police are running in circles but it doesn’t look dangerous. I was going to palm it off onto one of the other companies, but then I saw the name of the high school the guy went to.’

‘Is he high profile?’ Alec asked with a frown.

Aline had always been diligent, only part of the reason he’d hired her, but having worked in intelligence it came second nature to her. This wasn’t exactly the type of cases they took on. Stalker cases were time consuming and annoying. They’d had a few but usually only once the stalker had escalated into violence. And by that stage they had usually started making mistakes enabling them to be tracked down and caught. Alec didn’t really like cases that could take months, and in stalker cases months was being optimistic.

‘No, but he went to the same high school you did.’

Alec rolled his eyes. He recognised her tone of voice and knew there was more. ‘Lots of people went there, doesn’t mean I knew him.’

She shrugged absently and he narrowed his eyes. She was up to something. He’d known her too long not to recognise the signs. ‘If he wants a security system fine, but we don’t do round the clock babysitting, unless there’s some danger, or a lot of danger.’ He muttered, it was well known that he and Lily only took the most dangerous of cases. There was even a pool going on of which one of them would be killed first. He’d put a hundred on Lily. He frowned as a new thought entered his head. ‘Or an employee we want to piss off?’

All of his employees, Aline included, were ex-military and while most had no problem with either of their sexuality’s, some didn’t have a problem just so they could get the job. Once they were in, then they started to have the problems, especially when they thought they were being ordered around by a know-it-all dyke.

Most of the employee’s, Alec had served with himself, so they knew he was gay and supported him. But the company had grown and expanded so much, they’d had to hire people they hadn’t directly served with. Which was where it started to get tricky. Alec knew first-hand how bigoted people could be, in the forces and out, while most were fine with it, some had major problems with it.

She shrugged and shook her head. ‘So far, he’s just got lots of letter’s and one break in attempt.’

‘Sounds tedious. Palm it off.’

While the police were usually held up by having to do things by the book in order to get a conviction, people usually came to them when that option had been exhausted. And they didn’t exactly worry about operating within the limits of the law.

Aline nodded and turned to leave but hesitated. She wasn’t after him to show up a new employee but she was definitely up to something and it seemed to centre around his high school. He must have known him, Alec was under no illusions that Aline hadn’t looked into and knew everything about his own background.

He sighed, giving in. ‘Fine, what’s his name?’

‘Magnus Bane.’

Everything in Alec froze. Magnus Bane. God, it had been a long time since he’d heard that name said out loud. It had been a long time since he’d even thought the name. He wasn’t surprised that he could instantly picture Magnus in his mind, could see his smile, hear his laugh and his distinctive voice.

So many emotions hit him that he had no idea how he was feeling. But Alec knew instantly that he couldn’t simply fob this off. There was no universe that he could ever not help Magnus Bane.

He wondered how Aline knew, but she’d always had a knack at finding things out, for knowing things and picking up the little details. He gazed at Aline speculatively for a couple moments then motioned for her to hand over the case file.

He’d learnt long ago when thinking about Magnus, not to think of how it had ended. Only to think of the good times, not how easily Magnus had moved on, nor how quickly, nor who with. It only led to anger and dark depressing thoughts. Instead he concentrated on how much fun they had had, how good Magnus used to make him feel; how loved and accepted.

Magnus was the first man he had ever loved, and Alec had no doubts that he would be the last. He had never lost any of his feelings for Magnus, he had simply buried them and tried to forget about him. It had taken him a long time to move on, to date someone else. It wasn’t easy when he was hiding who he was when he was in the army. It was only when he was home on leave that he felt at ease, and bullied by Izzy, to go to gay clubs.

He flicked through the file, expertly picking out the important bits, quickly reading it while Aline waited completely silent. He appreciated it. His eyebrows raised involuntary when he read that Magnus had a restraining order out against Camille. That was surprising, but he’d always known she was a bitch. It did make him curious as to how Magnus had finally seen her true colours though.

There was something in the file about her attacking a man who Magnus was put down as his next of kin but the name didn’t ring any bells to Alec. Magnus certainly hadn’t known this Raphael Santiago in school. He frowned when he saw that Camille had claimed self defence for almost killing him and won. There was something more to that but he’d do more in-depth research later.

Magnus had graduated with honours in mechanical engineering and design, worked a few different jobs before starting up his current company which was doing extremely well by all intents and purposes. He was an inventor and a good one at that. Magnus had only had one serious relationship since Camille, someone called Etta. They’d lived together for a few years, she was the only relationship Magnus had lived with. Nothing since. There were a few people between them, a couple men but nothing that had lasted more than six months. This Etta must have been special, he noted a date of death and felt his heart pang in remorse.

Alec nodded and handed her the file back. ‘Give it to Sebastian.’

Aline smiled at him and nodded. Smugly. Alec stopped himself from sighing. She was excellent at her job and he was grateful every day that she worked for him, but he hated smug Aline. She was almost as bad as smug Isabelle. Almost. ‘Of course.’

‘And Aline? Don’t warn him.’ He said once she’d reached the door.

She grinned back at him, he noted it was a little evil. ‘Of course not, Sir.’

He sat back once she’d closed the door behind her.

Magnus Bane.

The name brought back so many memories. And a lot of feelings. Feelings he had hoped that with time would have simmered away and simply been forgotten. But nothing was ever simple when it came to Magnus, and he wasn’t sure he would ever want it to be. It had taken him a long time to be able to think about Magnus without wanting to break something. And he’d never been able to think of Camille without ending up at the firing range.

He rubbed his eyes, well, at least it gave him something to do until Lily returned and he could get a good night’s sleep.

 

 


	2. Meeting Magnus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's POV, Alec meets Magnus unexpectedly.
> 
> This is set at the same time as chapter 9 in One Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't expecting to update this so quickly but as soon as I started writing this, it all came pouring out. 
> 
> I'm pretty sure there aren't any spoilers in it, but if there are I'm sorry.
> 
> We do meet Lilly here when we haven't really met her in One Love, but she's in the next chapter that will up on Friday.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

_Meeting Magnus_

 

 

‘Hey.’ Lily said tapping quickly on her phone as Alec debated whether or not he could make the light. Deciding he was pushing it, he eased the car to a halt. It wasn’t often he like to play safe, but he knew better than to trust other drivers. Especially in cities. ‘How long are we going to be away again?’

‘Five days.’ Alec replied drumming his fingers against the steering wheel.

It was a regular client they were going to see, who had just set up a new company down south. They’d equipped all his previous sites with their security tech and were more than happy to do the same for this new site. As a bonus, they would get to catch up with an old friend. But with Ethan’s changing schedule, it meant missing him for most of the time he was back.

Ethan had been away ten days this time. Ten days and nine nights and while Alec had missed him and spoken to him at least twice a day, usually three or four times when Ethan was on the road, he had never slept so well. Neither had Lily and it showed on both of them. They’d even managed a drunken night in with his family.

‘Van-Hoof wants us in for a once over of his system.’

Alec groaned. ‘Again?’

‘Yep. Can you believe it’s already been six months?’ Lily replied sarcastically. He was one of their best clients, but insisted on face to face meetings with them every six months to ensure that he was getting the best security possible and pestering them for any upgrades. Even though they kept him up to date with any and every upgrade. But he paid them well. ‘Ethan staying over at ours?’

 He usually did when they only had a few days together. To be fair, Ethan usually stayed over. And Lily never minded when he did, they got on quite well and enjoyed each other’s company. Lily had commented more than once on why Ethan still kept his own place. But Alec preferred it this way.  When things calmed down with both of their work, it would be easier. Although Alec still never slept over at Ethan’s. He didn’t like being away from Lily at night.

Alec nodded. ‘Yeah he’s only back for a week.’

‘How long do you get to see him for?’ He didn’t need to glance at her to know she was frowning. But she was playing with her phone. He knew she wasn’t frowning at his unorthodox relationship and that she didn’t see anything wrong with it, that she actually thought it was quite healthy for him. But then he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Lily would support him in anything. As he would her.

‘A couple days now and a couple once we’re back.’

She nodded absently fiddling with the radio station. ‘He get the kid?’

Alec hummed in affirmation. ‘Contracts got signed, kids just gotta turn up.’

He saw her shoulders move in a shrug as Alec’s phone indicated the arrival of a text message. He knew she wasn’t all that interested in Ethan’s job. His job as an athletic scout could be time consuming and took him all over the country. For reason’s that even Alec wasn’t sure of, Ethan loved it, he enjoyed trying to make young kids dreams come true after his own were shattered from a knee injury in his last year of college. ‘Want me to read it?’

‘Yeah might be Ethan.’ Alec checked his watch. It was doubtful. ‘Shouldn’t land for about an hour though.’

Lily reached forward for his phone that was settled in the dashboard. He had never bothered setting individualised tones for different people. Sometimes he wondered if he should, but had never really felt the necessity to. He didn’t find any difference in waiting to pick up his phone to see who had sent him a message or was calling as to being alerted by the tone the phone was emitting.

‘It’s from Izzy, she wants you to pick her up. We’ve got time. Turn left at the next lights.’

Alec huffed but immediately complied changing lanes and following Lily’s directions until they were sat outside a building complex. One that he knew the address of instantly. An address that he had only read once but had instantly memorised. Damn. If only he’d have asked where they were going he’d have been better prepared. Although how he was to prepare for this he had no idea.

He sat in the car unmoving and stared up at the building, looking at the windows that indicated the floors. That very top one. That was where he lived. Had lived for a while now. He’d been surprised that they’d never run into each other. But it was a large city, with millions of people.

And now he was sitting outside the building he lived in. He didn’t know how he felt. He had spent a long time trying to figure out his feelings since Aline had handed him his case file. And he hadn’t really come to any definite conclusions. Only that it was doubtful that he would actually have to meet him.

‘What’s wrong?’ Lily demanded watching him intently when he made no effort to move.

‘Nothing.’ He instantly replied grabbing his phone and getting out the car.

She scoffed as he shot a text off to his sister and followed him. He could feel her eyes on him. ‘You know you can’t lie to me.’

‘I know.’ He could hear the resignation in his own voice as they entered the building. ‘It’s the top floor.’

‘How do you know that?’ She asked suspiciously, making him wish he hadn’t said anything. A moment later his sister’s voice saved him as it echoed down the stairs, telling him to come up. He took a deep breath as his heart started battering at his ribcage.

‘Iz, I’m collecting Ethan soon, come on.’ Alec replied, praying that for once she would just play ball with him and come down.

‘Just come up Alec.’ Izzy’s answer floated down. He sighed wondering if it was a female thing to always have an ulterior motive, or maybe it was only the females that he allowed close to him. He knew he was being unfair, but Izzy knew just how badly his breakup with Magnus had affected him.

‘Iz! Come on, hurry the hell up!’ Alec tired one more time but he knew better than to expect her to listen to him so he started up the stairs.

 ‘Yeah come on Iz, little Alec wants some action!’ Lily yelled from behind him, a broad grin on her face. He turned around and glared at her. God, he hoped Magnus wasn’t here, or at least that he was still in his apartment and hadn’t heard.

Although why should he care what Magnus thought of him or heard, he didn’t know. Magnus was the one who had moved on inordinately quickly. And it had been thirteen years, it was doubtful Magnus would even remember him. He sighed. Now he was being petty.

 ‘Why am I friends with you?’ Alec asked exasperated.

 ‘Is Alec getting laid?’ Sebastian yelled down before Lily had a chance to reply.

Alec closed his eyes.

‘He’s trying to but his sister is cockblocking him.’ Lily yelled up, Alec could hear the amusement in her voice and grumbled under his breath about pushy friends who didn’t know when to shut up.

Lily grinned at him and nudged him with her shoulder.

‘I hate you all.’ Alec grumbled with a scowl, before raising his voice. ‘Izzy if you don’t hurry up I’m leaving you here.’

‘Alec quit yelling and come up here!’ Izzy yelled. Alec recognised her no nonsense voice and started up the stairs. Thankful when Lily stayed at the bottom, but made a mental note to question her about it. She’d taken a hit to her knee on the last job but had kept insisting it was fine.

‘Ethan’s plane gets in in forty minutes Iz, I’m already late!’ He yelled back as he started jogging up the stairs.

‘It’s important!’ Izzy insisted.

 ‘Fine.’ Alec grumbled as he began to take the stairs three at a time.

He arrived at the doorway only to find Magnus standing there as well and quickly blanked his expression. He knew he wasn’t fooling his sister but he had still held out a tiny modicum of hope that Magnus hadn’t been present for their shouting match. He gave a small smile and a nod and hoped it didn’t come across as soft as it felt.

Magnus had changed. He looked as if he now worked out, his muscles evident under his half buttoned up shirt. The make-up was still there, not as much now, just a small smattering consisting of eyeliner and lip gloss, but he still had the copious amounts of glitter. More necklaces adorned his neck, offsetting his shirt and bringing attention to his muscled chest. His tight trousers were not helping Alec concentrate either. He didn’t know how, but Magnus was even more beautiful now than he had been at high school. And he’d been gorgeous then.

 ‘Magnus.’ Alec nodded at him wondering at the look of surprise on his face. Had Izzy done the same thing to Magnus as she’d just done to him? He wouldn’t put it past her, one thing the army had never managed to do was stop her meddling.

Alec watched as Magnus opened his mouth and then shut it again. He turned to his sister with a raised eyebrow, at least Magnus hadn’t forgotten him, but why was he acting so, so… Alec wasn’t even sure how to describe it. Sad? Shocked? More shell-shocked really. Traumatised seemed to fit as well. With a hint of agitation.

 ‘Magnus thought you were dead.’ Izzy supplied with a pointed look that Alec couldn’t understand. But he ignored that, concentrating on Magnus.

‘What?’ Alec frowned as he quickly turned back to him feeling completely confused as he dropped his smile. This was making no sense. ‘Why would you think I was dead?’

Magnus again opened his mouth before again shutting it, still without saying anything and he shrugged. He looked kind of helpless and lost.

‘He saw the obituary the Army posted when you were captured.’ Izzy informed him, her expression and tone serious, her eyes hard and unemotional. He recognised it, she was trying to keep her emotions from pouring out and strangling her. He often did the same thing. And he knew how hard she had taken his supposed death. She still hadn’t recovered from it, not completely and he still checked in with her a minimum of three times a day. It was always more. He would find silly things to text her about throughout the day because he knew she needed the reassurance. ‘He blamed himself.’

‘You blamed yourself for Iraqi insurgents kidnapping me and the army believing me to be dead?’ Alec questioned with equal amounts of disbelief and confusion. Why on earth would Magnus blame himself? He had already extracted himself from Alec’s life for years before that had happened.

He watched Magnus shrug and wondered why the man hadn’t spoken yet.

‘Magnus.’ Alec sighed and stepped forward, gripping Magnus’s elbows. He took a deep breath trying not to breath in the intoxicating scent that was Magnus and looked him in the eyes. Only Magnus wasn’t looking at him. ‘What happened to me was not your fault. Hey, look at me.’ Alec said, gently raising Magnus’s chin so that their eyes met. He’d forgotten how beautiful Magnus’s eyes were. Brown with flecks of gold. And when Magnus was emotional the gold seemed overpowering as it did now. He knew he was overstepping but couldn’t seem to stop himself. ‘It was not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You cannot be blamed for a war, and it was my parents who shipped me off, not you.’

‘But if I hadn’t said anything…’ Magnus said with a shuddering breath as he closed his eyes. Alec had to tamp down on the emotions that Magnus was bringing up, that he had hoped had faded in the past thirteen years to nothingness. Instead they seemed stronger than ever.

‘It doesn’t matter Magnus.’ Alec cut in. He gentled his voice making sure he included a hint of the tone he used to use when commanding his unit so that Magnus would listen to him and not dismiss or ignore what he was saying. ‘It was not your fault.’

‘Hey Alec, did you want to meet your boyfriend at the airport or what?’ Lily yelled up, interrupting them. Alec felt himself freeze. He’d forgotten about Ethan, forgotten that he was meant to be picking him up from the airport. Christ, what sort of sick boyfriend was he?

‘Shit.’ Alec hissed, letting go of Magnus to check the time on his watch. He loved Ethan. Ethan had been there with him through so much and put up with so much. He didn’t need this. But there was no way Alec could leave Magnus like this. ‘Magnus, I need to go, but we still need to talk about this.’

‘No, Alex-Alec, it’s fine.’ Magnus hurried to interrupt.

‘You clearly don’t believe me, so it’s not fine.’ Alec retorted, wondering if Magnus just wanted rid of him. But he couldn’t let Magnus continue thinking he was to blame or some rubbish like that. ‘I’ll check with Seb when the best time to come ‘round and talk to you is, but now I really need to go.’

Alec turned to leave but paused and glanced at his sister, an eyebrow raised in question. Did she actually need a lift or was this just a ruse? Or perhaps both, he certainly wouldn’t put it past her.

‘Right behind you big brother.’ She grinned as she trotted down the stairs behind him in her exorbitantly high heeled shoes.

He heard Sebastian murmur to Isabelle behind him. ‘I’ll see you at home.’ And then the unmistakable sound of them kissing and the door closing. He continued down the stairs hearing Isabelle’s heels following.

They met Lily at the bottom, she was lounging against the wall but he walked past her questioning frown and got into the car. He had not been expecting the last ten minutes, and nor had he imagined in any of his countless scenarios of meeting Magnus again, that that was how it would happen.

‘So, is someone going to tell me what’s going on?’ Lily asked as Alec started the ignition and pulled away from the curb.

There was silence.

Alec could see Izzy sat in the back seat, her eyes on him as he glanced in the rear-view mirror.

‘Who were you guys talking to?’ Lily was nothing if not persistent. Usually he loved her for it. But at the moment, he just wanted time to deal with what he’d just learnt. Instead he was on his way the airport to pick up his boyfriend. Where he would push thoughts of Magnus to one side until he was away from Ethan again. It made him feel guilty.

Alec took in a deep breath. He’d never been able to keep anything from Lily. She was just like Izzy, saw through his lies, even the ones he told himself. ‘Magnus Bane.’

‘What? Wait. The Magnus Bane?’ Lily gaped at him. He nodded. ‘Holy shit. How did that go?’

Alec stayed silent but now that he had started, it seemed Izzy was more than up to keeping Lily informed. ‘Magnus thought Alec was dead and has been blaming himself thinking his actions had caused it.’

‘Damn.’ Lily blinked. ‘That’s a lot of shit you guys covered in a couple of minutes.’

‘We didn’t. He clearly still blames himself, I said I’d go back and talk to him.’ Alec sighed, a disgruntled expression covering his face. He took another breath knowing that whatever was said between the three of them would stay between the three of them. He trusted them both with his life. Knowing that he only had the time it took to get the airport to talk about this, he elaborated. ‘He looked so upset.’

Izzy snorted from the back but it wasn’t in amusement. It sounded heartbroken. ‘You should have seen him an hour ago. He was in pieces. Crying and everything. I couldn’t stand it.’

‘What?’ Alec asked, trying desperately to pay attention to his driving and what Isabelle was saying. He chanced a look in the rear-view mirror and saw Isabelle had thrown her head back against the head rest and was staring at the roof. Whatever she had seen or talked about with Magnus, had more than simply upset her. ‘Why?’

Izzy rolled her eyes. ‘Alec he’s spent every day since he read that obituary blaming himself for your death and every day since that night, blaming himself for ruining our lives. Why do think I wanted you over there. He wasn’t believing me, not really, and I couldn’t bare seeing him like that.’

Alec chanced another look in the rear-view mirror and saw her now looking resolutely out the window. Her face tense and expressionless. It was an expression they all knew too well. When emotions got too high, shut them down and deal with the here and now. The army had taught them well.

Alec blinked as he struggled to breath through his nose. He couldn’t understand how this had affected Magnus so much, why he cared so much. He concentrated on driving. One thing at a time. It wouldn’t help anything if he got into an accident or killed them because he wasn’t paying attention. Or paying attention to the wrong thing. He knew how to prioritise, if there was anything the army had taught him, it was that, and to compartmentalise.

‘I don’t understand.’ He eventually muttered. Thoughts of Magnus seemed to be overriding all of his instincts and everything he’d been taught. But then again, Magnus and thoughts of him had always been able to do that.

Lily frowned and glanced over to him. ‘I don’t get it. Why would he blame himself if he moved on after a couple of weeks?’

Alec shrugged. He’d been thinking the same thing and was glad he wasn’t the one to voice it. ‘I don’t get it either, although he does have a restraining order out against Camille.’

‘Holy shit!’ Lily laughed. She looked delighted. ‘What the hell happened between them?’

‘He didn’t move on after a couple weeks.’ Izzy blurted out loudly from the backseat, chewing on her bottom lip. She looked torn about what she was saying. Alec wondered if she thought she was breaking a confidence. ‘They didn’t get together till well over a year later.’

‘What?’ Alec asked, having to physically restrain himself from turning to look at her. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel and his knuckles turned white.

That was not what Camille had told him. But then, he realised why should he believe anything she said. Although the pictures had been more than confirmatory of her story. She’d obviously known that he wouldn’t simply take her word. But when he’d tried to call Magnus, he hadn’t gotten anywhere. He’d even tried from other phones. It had taken him an embarrassingly long time to think to try from a number that wasn’t known to either Magnus or Camille. Not as long as it had taken him to meet up with his siblings and get his phone back though.

Although the experience had taught him to never rely on technology, he now memorised all important numbers.

‘Camille faked it.’ Izzy sighed, then frowned. He hid a smile as he guessed what she had just realised. ‘Hey, how did you know that Magnus had a restraining order out against her?’

Alec raised an eyebrow, a smirk breaking out onto his face. ‘Who do you think gave the case to Sebastian?’

Izzy huffed, a smile covering her face as she crossed her arms over her chest. ‘I didn’t think a simple stalker case was enough to warrant an A&L body guard.’

‘I take it that’s also how you knew which floor he lived on?’ Lily asked but Alec could see her smiling.

He nodded, deliberately focussing his attention on the road in front of him.

‘So that’s why you weren’t surprised to see him!’ Izzy exclaimed.

Alec chuckled. He may not know how he felt about Magnus Bane, but he knew that he didn’t like how he had blamed himself for everything. And he would do anything and everything in his power to change that.

 

 

 


	3. Conversations

_Conversations_

 

 

‘So, when did we start keeping secrets from each other?’ Lily asked with a deceptive casualness. It cut straight through Alec’s concentration. His head snapped up from the documents he had spread around him and he stared at her in confusion. She was looking at him intently as she stood in front of the window, arms wrapped around herself defensively, no matter how nonchalant her tone and words had been. He felt as if he should be squirming under her gaze but he couldn’t for the life of him think of any secrets he had deliberately kept from her. He was always upfront with her about everything. They both were, there hadn’t been any specific agreement, it was just something they had both fallen into after their incarceration. They depended on each other too much to have any lies getting between them.

‘What secret?’ Alec finally asked after staring at her in bewilderment for several seconds.

‘Magnus Bane?’ Lily asked quietly, her eyes still pinning him in place. ‘The stalker case you gave Sebastian? Ring any bells?’

Alec winced, suddenly unable to meet her gaze. He hadn’t meant to keep it from her, truthfully, he had thought she had known. Even though, as he now thought it through, there was no way for her to find out. She’d been away when Aline had brought it to his attention and she never checked up on the cases, or the employees, unless they were new. There was no reason for her to check up on Sebastian. He wasn’t new and was damn good at his job. There was no reason for her to suspect that Alec had taken on a stalking case that involved his ex and had given it to someone overqualified for the job.

He gathered the papers he’d spread on the sofa and set them neatly on the coffee table. This room was his favourite, it was light and airy and had the right amount of furniture in it, making it lived in but not cluttered. And while it looked out onto the street, it was raised so even if someone did ever look in while walking by, they would just see curtains and possibly ceiling. And while it was in Lily’s house, it was used by them both equally, as were most of the rooms in the two houses. They had connected the two neighbouring houses as soon as the second one had been brought. Alec had brought the first one initially, even though Lily had moved in with him straight away and had her own bedroom. The second this house had gone up for sale, Lily had brought it, even though her bedroom was still the same one she’d first moved into in Alec’s house.

‘Talk to me Alec.’ Her voice was gentle and persuasive. And he could hear the hurt lying underneath them both. He hated that he had put it there.

He shrugged helplessly. ‘I couldn’t not help him.’

‘I agree.’

‘What?’ He blinked as he looked at her. He wasn’t surprised, he knew better, but he still hadn’t expected her to agree quite so quickly.

Lily huffed a laugh. ‘I agree. You might be lying to yourself about your feelings, but you can’t lie to me.’

‘Oh.’ He didn’t know what to say, he’d always known that she knew him better than he knew himself. You didn’t go through what they had, without knowing each other inside out. And even when he had lied to himself, she always, always saw through it. Just like Izzy.

‘What I want to know is why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I don’t know. I just kinda presumed Aline would have told you?’ He wasn’t sure he believed his answer himself, but he had believed that she’d known. Aline had come to him about the case, it was plausible that she would have gone to Lily. Although it was more plausible that she had assumed that he would tell Lily.

‘Why would Aline tell me?’

He shrugged helplessly. ‘She’s the one who told me about it. Refused to leave it be actually until she’d told me his name.’

Lily nodded absently. ‘Aline is all knowing. But she also knows not to divulge indiscriminately. She wouldn’t just come to me saying you’d put Sebastian on ex’s stalker case.’

Alec sighed. ‘No, she wouldn’t. But I should have.’

‘So, we good?’ While her voice was steady, her eyes blank and face expressionless but he knew she was worried.

He nodded grabbing out for her hand, and pulling her close. ‘I honestly just assumed you somehow knew.’

Lily smiled and this time it reached her eyes. ‘So, you’re weren’t deliberately trying to hide it from me.’

‘No. No way. I love and respect you too much to do that.’ He told her truthfully.

‘Good.’

Alec shrugged helplessly. ‘I guess I’m so used to keeping everything about Magnus bottled up that I did so again.’

Lily cocked her head to the side. ‘But Iz and Jace both knew.’

Alec nodded. ‘To be fair, most of the school knew. But I always thought it would have been Izzy or Jace who spilled it to my parents.’

‘Accidentally of course.’ Lily said in a too posh accent.

Alec chuckled but agreed. ‘They always used to tease me about him. I hated it.’

‘Ah, the true reason you hate people talking about your love life.’ Lily said amused.

Alec glared at her. ‘I’m not that bad.’

‘No, you’ve gotten better.’ Alec could feel her eyes on him. After a couple minutes, he raised an eyebrow in question. ‘How are you handling it?’

‘Magnus?’ He asked. She nodded. ‘About him having a stalker or seeing him again?’

She just looked at him and waited.

Alec stared out the window, sighed and turned to face her. ‘I didn’t think I would have to see him.’

‘Ah.’ She said, a small knowing smile spread across her face. ‘That’s why you didn’t say anything.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘If you didn’t have to see him, speak to him, face him. After all this time and with how things ended, then it wasn’t really real.’

He glared at her. ‘Stop with the psychology.’

Lily laughed. ‘You know I’m right.’

‘I’m not admitting to anything.’ He deadpanned.

She smiled smugly. ‘You still haven’t answered my question.’

He huffed and crossed his arms defensively, mentally damning the psychology course Lily had done, knowing that she would read into his body language. Even if it had been years ago and she never spoke about it, he still knew she did it and it was still annoying. ‘I don’t know how I feel. The only thing I seem to consistently feel is guilty.’

‘Ethan?’

Alec nodded.

Lily was quiet for a long time. It looked like she was trying to figure out how to phrase her next question. ‘Did you manage to fall out of love with him?’

Alec sighed, knowing the question was about Magnus. ‘I thought I had, but now? I don’t know.’

She nodded. ‘It’s not an easy thing to do.’

‘No, its not.’ He agreed. ‘You ever manage it?’

She stared out the window for a long time before answering. It was what had initially drawn them together, unrequited love, even though they were both unaware of it at the time. The army had already sent her to anger management, not knowing the cause, just that she had a rather short fuse. Not that it helped in the way they’d intended, she’d only gone twice. But it had forced her to accept her feelings. She was already ahead of him in that regard when they’d confided to each other about the men they were in love with. ‘No. No I haven’t.’

He sighed and came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her.

She leant her head back against him. ‘But Magnus still loves you.’

‘No, he doesn’t. He may still care about me though.’ Alec mused thoughtfully. He’d thought about Magnus often after that first meeting, and even more after they’d met in the park. Sometimes Magnus was all he could think about, and those nights usually found him in the basement gym, beating away his guilt. And the next few days in constant contact with Ethan.

‘I’d say he definitely still cares about you. He’s spent thirteen years blaming himself for your parents sending you to the army, then for your death after that stupid obituary.’ Lily huffed a laugh and it made Alec love her all the more. There was no animosity in her words or resignation, just affection. No thought to how her own love had abandoned her, just concern and love for him. He didn’t know if would be so selfless, but then he and Magnus had been different to her and Jack. ‘And when you came back into his life, he hasn’t exactly pushed you away has he?’

Alec snorted. ‘No, no I suppose he hasn’t.’

‘He seems to me to be quite eager to keep you and your family in his life.’

‘You think?’ The thought pleased him, leaving a warm glow in his stomach. He wanted Magnus to stay, but hadn’t been sure if Magnus had wanted the same thing, although he was getting on with Sebastian and Izzy like a house on fire, he was also paying them for Sebastian to protect him. Alec didn’t know how much was because of their past or because of how scared he was of his stalker.

He grunted as Lily jabbed her elbow back into his stomach. ‘You know he frequently has dinner over at Iz and Sebs.’

‘I know.’ He grumbled, rubbing the spot she’d just elbowed.

‘So?’

‘Izzy’s missed him.’ Alec sighed and ran a hand over his face. ‘They were close. I think she feels guilty.’

Lily frowned. ‘Guilty? For what?’

‘Believing Camille’s lies.’

Lily winced and sighed. ‘I can see that. But that wasn’t what I was asking. So?’

‘So,’ Alec grumbled knowing he had more reasons. Ones that he could voice without Lily shooting him down. And that Lily wouldn’t allow him to divert her attention again. ‘He still loves Etta, I’m not under any illusions.’ Saying it out loud hurt even more than merely thinking it had. It left a bitter after taste in his mouth and an empty hollow feeling throughout his body. But he was looking at the facts, and the facts showed that Magnus was still in love with Etta.

‘Why do you say that?’

Alec huffed but tightened his arms around her. ‘She’s the only relationship he lived with. Even Camille, they lived apart. And it seems once they split he went on a dating rampage. Etta died three years ago and he hasn’t dated anyone since.’

‘Dating rampage?’ Lily asked dubiously, he could hear the ambiguity in her voice.

‘Fine.’ Alec huffed. ‘He shagged everything with a pulse.’

He felt rather than heard her chuckle. ‘Okay. Do I want to know how you found this out?’

‘It’s in the file.’

‘Umm hmmm.’

‘It is! And I didn’t put the file together.’

‘Of course not.’

‘It was Aline and Sebastian.’

‘I never doubted you.’ Lily told him.

‘Shut up.’ He grumbled.

‘Magnus loved you too.’ Lily told him earnestly, getting them back to her point. She was like a dog with a bone, but that was part of the reason why he loved her so much. She never let something go she was passionate about. Or felt she was right about. Or not being taken seriously about. It was rare for her to let something go, but she did it in such a roundabout nice way that sometimes you never really realised what she’d done.

‘That’s not the same.’

‘What do you mean?’ She pulled out of his embrace and turned to face him.

Alec shrugged. It wasn’t something he wanted to talk about, to voice, but he knew that chances were, it would help. Talking with Lily always helped, even if it was just to figure out how he was feeling. Or for her to figure out how he was feeling and then help him with it. He was absolutely positive that there were hundreds of things that she had helped him with that he had no idea about. ‘He started dating Camille a year after me. Etta’s been gone for three.’

‘You’re right it’s not the same, he never blamed himself for Etta’s death.’

That’s not what I meant.’ Alec shot her a glare wondering if she was being deliberately facetious. While it may not have been the couple weeks that Camille had made him believe, Magnus still hadn’t moved on from Etta after three years. Lily raised a querying eyebrow. ‘What we had, it was our first love. And you never forget that. But you get over it. Etta was his real love.’

‘I don’t know if I believe that.’ Lily said quietly. He wasn’t sure which part she didn’t believe. That Magnus, or rather anyone, got over their first love, or that Etta was his real love.

‘No?’

‘Are you over Magnus?’ Lily asked but didn’t wait for an answer. ‘Am I over Jack?’

Alec grimaced and corrected himself. ‘Some people get over their first loves.’

He wished he could kill Jack. Had fantasied about it more than once. But there was no way he could do that to her.

Lily smiled brokenly and half nodded. ‘Some people do.’

‘But not us.’ Alec murmured quietly as he looked out the window, watching people going about their daily lives without a clue that he was watching them.

‘No. Not us.’

He continued looking out the window, giving her a minute while he thought it through. She was right. He was still in love with Magnus, but Magnus had moved on from him a long time ago. He believed that Magnus still cared about him, but not that he still loved him. He knew Magnus, and he knew that Magnus was still in love with Etta. Alec had seen pictures of her, she was beautiful, and he’d heard stories about people losing their loved ones to death. Nobody ever compared. Their ghosts haunted them and no other partner ever came close.

‘And Ethan?’

Alec groaned. She looked at him amused.

‘I feel as if I’m cheating on him whenever I think about Magnus.’ It had kept him up on more than one occasion. He knew that Ethan had noticed a change in him, hell even he had noticed a change in him since he’d first talked to Magnus. He felt more grounded and had had less flashbacks. But he’d also had night’s in with Ethan where he was more distracted and unable to settle.

Lily winced. ‘That bad huh?’

Alec sighed and threw himself onto the couch. ‘I feel as if I need a drink.’

Lily raised an eyebrow and snuggled into the single sofa. It wasn’t like him, he wasn’t a drinker. But his mind felt as if it was a never ending merry go round. He couldn’t stop thinking about Magnus, then felt guilty because he cared greatly for Ethan, he never wanted to hurt Ethan, and thinking of another guy, an ex, would hurt him. And he knew these feelings for Magnus should have been over and done with years ago.

‘Do you love him?’

‘I don’t know.’ Alec told her truthfully. He thought about Ethan, picturing his smile, hearing his laugh. The way his eyes lit up when he talked about the kids he was signing, how good they were, how far they could go. ‘Possibly. Yeah. I think I do.’

‘Have you told him you do?’

‘No.’ This was something that he loved about Lily, how she never judged. Never had expectations and the questions she asked didn’t just help her figure things out, but helped himself figure them out as well.

‘Has he told you?’

Alec shook his head. ‘He’s hinted at it.’

She nodded slowly. ‘Can you picture yourself spending the rest of your life with him?’

‘Yeah.’ And he could. He could see the rest of his life spent with Ethan, it was very similar to how they were now. Each with their own place, him and Lily still living in connected brownstones.

‘And what about Magnus? Can you picture yourself with him?’

‘Yes.’ Only it was different. It was more vibrant somehow. And completely unrealistic. In his mind, he and Magnus lived together. He didn’t live with Lily. It was a pipe dream, he knew he would never be well enough to live away from Lily, and she would never be well enough to live away from him. He was being selfish. Things were perfect they way they currently were.

She chuckled suddenly and got up. ‘You’re right, we do need alcohol.’

He nodded, his mouth suddenly dry, the picture in his mind of him living with Magnus refusing to budge. It was so enticing. He hadn’t realised how much he craved normalcy again, but that was a thing of the past. Something that had only been possible before he had been captured and tortured. His life was different now.

She returned with a homemade bottle of rum and two glasses and poured them both hefty measures. ‘You’re lucky Ethan couldn’t make Clary’s gallery showing.’

‘What do you mean?’ Alec took an appreciative sip of his. Bootleg Caribbean rum. Better than anything you could buy in a store.

‘You’re different around Magnus. You seem calmer and your eyes light up.’

Alec winced. He’d felt it, knew that Ethan had noticed something, but not that Lily had pinpointed it. ‘It’s that obvious?’

‘Only to those who love you.’ She took a sip and closed her eyes in appreciation. ‘We’ll have to go visit Dwayne again soon.’

Alec nodded. ‘He does make the best rum.’

‘I think it’s the oak barrels he uses.’

Alec raised an eyebrow. ‘You’ve looked into making rum?’

‘I was curious.’ She shrugged. ‘So, what happens when Ethan see’s you with Magnus?’

‘Why are you so sure they’ll meet?’

Lily looked at him amused. ‘Because you and your sister are both adamant about keeping him in your lives.’

Alec glared at her. She smiled at him winningly.

‘And Independence Day is coming up. I assumed Seb would invite him.’

Alec’s heart jumped in his chest, he just wished if he knew what the feeling was: apprehension or anticipation.

 

 


	4. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec learns something interesting. 
> 
> This chapter is set around the time of chapter 15 in One Love and contains spoilers for Chapter 17 which was uploaded yesterday.

_Revenge_

 

 

‘Hey, Lil?’ Alec murmured softly, his eyes closed contentedly as his head rested against hers on the pillow. He’d been restless last night and tense. When a long session in the gym and a hot shower hadn’t managed to relax him, he’d slipped into Lily’s bed knowing she wouldn’t mind. He knew she was awake by the change in her breathing. They were having a rare lazy morning, which for them consisted of neither of them having been woken from a nightmare and automatically waking peacefully at 6am. Some habits were hard to get out of, such as the army making them early risers. But just because they were both awake, didn’t necessarily mean they had to get up. Especially as Alec had been expecting something to happen while he slept; either a flashback or nightmares, but he was enjoying the surprise of having a restful night’s sleep.

Ethan had stayed at his own place the night before so Alec had no worries about having to slip into his boyfriend’s bed so that Ethan at least, would wake up under the illusion that he had spent the night. Although Ethan would know that he hadn’t. Alec never did. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but that he couldn’t. At least with Lily, if he had a PTSD episode, she knew how to protect herself and how to bring him back, like he did with her. Ethan had no such luxury. Although Alec wasn’t entirely sure he would call it a luxury. Trying to kill your boyfriend as you both slept was not an experience Alec ever wanted to try.

‘Hmmm?’ She replied drowsily, snuggling in closer. Alec smiled peacefully.

‘Thank you for letting Magnus in.’

She shifted to face him and smiled at him softly in sleepy confusion. ‘Why wouldn’t I?’

He laughed quietly and cracked open an eye to look at her. ‘I remember how long you took to accept Ethan.’

While she had accepted him dating Ethan and had even encouraged it, she had not been the most willing to get to know him or see him as a friend, not instantly anyway. Alec had thought that he was over protective but it seemed that Lily was as well. He had appreciated it, even though it had exasperated him, but he’d seen her point and allowed her to sound Ethan out until she began to accept and trust him. Luckily for him, Ethan had been oblivious about the whole matter.

She rolled her eyes but was smiling. ‘I didn’t know Ethan.’

‘You don’t know Magnus.’ He countered but couldn’t help the smile burgeoning across his face.

She scrunched her face up. ‘I feel as if I do though. And Magnus fits.’

‘He does, doesn’t he?’ Alec mused, feeling a frown form between his eyes. He supposed, in a way, she did know Magnus. He had told her everything about him, it had been therapeutic at the time. In a strange round about way, she knew as much about Magnus as he did.

‘Probably because you all knew him in high school. It’s obvious how close all of you were.’

Alec paused and knew that she’d felt it. ‘Do you think it will be obvious to Ethan?’

He felt Lily shaking in his arms and quickly looked at her worried, but the worry didn’t leave when he realised she was laughing. It took her a few moments to calm down enough to talk. ‘No. The only thing obvious to Ethan is sports and sex metaphors.’

‘Hey.’

‘Most of which go straight over your head.’

‘Oi.’

‘Although,’ She mused seriously. ‘If it concerns you, chances are he’ll notice.’

‘So, you’re saying it’s a good job Ethan hasn’t met Magnus yet?’ Lily snorted making him sigh. He was already feeling out of his depth and the two of them hadn’t even met yet. And it shouldn’t be a problem, his ex-boyfriend from over a decade ago meeting his current boyfriend, except for the fact that he had never really gotten over the ex-boyfriend. ‘And you think he’ll notice how well Magnus fits in with us all when they do meet?’

Lily smiled up at him in amusement, her head resting on the pillow next to his. ‘Sure, and the fact that there clearly was some history between the two of you as you can’t keep your eyes off of each other. Dead giveaway that.’

‘I can keep my eyes off of him.’ Alec muttered then widened his own eyes as her words sunk in. ‘Magnus looks at me?’

Lily cupped her hand around his check. ‘Magnus I’m pretty sure, still loves you.’

‘I’m with Ethan.’ Alec said, hating the way his chest hitched as he said it.

She smiled. ‘I know. Doesn’t change the fact.’

He glared at her. Something didn’t add up, Alec knew Lily the same way she knew him and there was something she wasn’t saying. There wasn’t anything he could see in her eyes, or her facial expressions or any stiffness or tenseness. It was just something he knew. ‘That wasn’t the only reason.’

‘Reason for what?’

‘Why you took so long to accept Ethan.’

She smiled, amusement dancing in her eyes. ‘No, but I don’t know if you’re ready to hear it yet.’

He pinched her arm. ‘Try me.’

She tilted her head intently but smiled at him. Now he wasn’t sure if he actually was ready to hear it. ‘You were worried about Ethan leaving you.’

‘No, I’m not.’ Alec frowned defensively but it did make him think. Was he? He tried to remember the start of his relationship with Ethan. It had been slow going, he wasn’t all that trusting, even though he had wanted to be. He’d been excited about Ethan and thought about him a lot, worrying what Ethan thought of him.

Lily rolled her eyes. ‘Were. When you first introduced us, you were constantly worried that he would leave you.’

Alec thought back, nodding slowly, he had been afraid that with all of his many problems, one or more of them would drive Ethan away and he lived in fear of that for a long time. His PTSD wasn’t easy and it was so severe, he couldn’t hide it for long. It was hell on relationships, a lot of people barely stayed once he got past saying PTSD. But Ethan had.

‘Okay, maybe.’ He sighed realising she was right. ‘Yeah. I was.’

She paused for a moment and looked at him speculatively. He doubted he was going to like whatever it was she was now about to say. Again. ‘You still are.’

‘No I’m not.’ It was an automatic denial, spoken without thought. He didn’t think he was, but he knew how good he was at denying things to himself. And Lily was bringing up things he didn’t think about, feelings he had never thought of. It wasn’t that he had pushed them away, he just hadn’t consciously had them. If she was telling him this, then it was high time he thought about them. He had been afraid of Ethan leaving him because of his PTSD, he had reasons to be afraid of that, many reasons, but was he still?

‘Not to the same degree, no. But you still keep your distance.’

‘No I don’t.’ Another automatic denial but he knew she was wrong on this one. He didn’t keep his distance from Ethan, they did everything normal couples did except the things that his PTSD prevented, things like living together.

‘Then why do you have separate houses?’

Alec winced. She obviously didn’t think their PTSD was a valid excuse. And if he thought about it, she did have a point. Even when Ethan was in town, Alec didn’t have a preference of where Ethan spent more of his time, whether it was at his own home or at Alec and Lily’s. Alec knew that he had more of a relationship with his friends than he did with Ethan and if he admitted it, spent more time with his family than with his boyfriend. But that wasn’t because he didn’t want to, they just had more in common. He groaned at the thought. ‘Okay, fine. There may be some truth to what you’re saying.’

Lily grinned at him, before the smile turned serious. ‘But you’re not worried about Magnus leaving you.’

Alec glared at her. ‘I’m not dating Magnus.’

‘No, but you are still in love with him.’ Her tone was soft and gently, as if she knew the words would pain him.

Alec blinked at her words. He knew he had a lot he needed to sort out and Lily had just added to that, there were things she had said that he hadn’t even considered. He kissed her forehead in thanks, wondering how the hell he was going to survive a friendship with Magnus.

 

 

Lily’s words kept going round and round in his head, and he couldn’t get them to stop. “ _Magnus still loves you_.” She’d said it twice now. Did she see something he didn’t? Was it just wishful thinking on his part? And he supposed hers to an extent, at least then, one of them would be getting the happy ever after ending.

He’d accepted it, the fact that he was still in love with Magnus. But he still didn’t know what he was going to do. He felt so guilty, it was constant and all aimed towards Ethan. How could he stay in a relationship with Ethan when he was in love with another man? So what if the other man didn’t want him, it still wasn’t fair to Ethan. But then, how could he break up with Ethan after everything Ethan had done and sacrificed for him? Ethan could have had an easy, normal relationship with another man, a man who didn’t have PTSD or all the issues Alec did, but Ethan had chosen him. And Alec was about to throw it all in his face because he had just realised that he had never fallen out of love with a man who had been gone from his life for thirteen years. And while he loved Ethan as well, he knew he didn’t love him as much as he loved Magnus. And Alec would rather be single the rest of his life than hurt either of them. He wouldn’t hurt Ethan and he wouldn’t push his friendship with Magnus.

He just needed to figure out what he is was he wanted to do. He had a very bad feeling that it would involve a long and painful heartfelt talk with Ethan. One that he wouldn’t be able to anticipate the ending of.

He reached for the rest of the papers in the top file, all the information he had on Magnus Banes life until now. He read through it all and sat back in stunned silence.

The only actual relationship Magnus had had with a man had been with him. He’d only had flings with men since, even after everything Camille had done to him, he’d still had a serious relationship with another woman. Etta. Alec was certain that Magnus had loved her, actions spoke louder than words after all and he would probably still be with her if she hadn’t died. He wondered if they would have gotten married and had a family. He looked at the photo of them together, they looked so happy and in love. Magnus would most likely be a dad by now if she’d lived.

Pushing his own turmoil away to the side, he sighed and got on with reading about all the romantic relationships that Magnus had had over the thirteen years they’d been separated. He’d been putting it off for long enough now. He skimmed over himself, but read Camille’s in detail. It only increased his hatred of her. He checked her current whereabouts, making notes on everywhere she had travelled to.

It suddenly hit Alec as he read the description of Axel von Fersen, Magnus’s ex that had only lasted three months, two less than Emasu. But that wasn’t what stood out. It hadn’t really been a relationship, just sex. But he wasn’t interested in that, that hadn’t grabbed his attention. There had been no dates, just hook-ups. What had blanked his mind was reading his physical attributes. It was like reading his own statistics. Height. Build. Hair colour. Eye colour. Axel, descriptively at least, could have been his doppelganger.

Alec scrambled around and looked up his information. Axel von Fersen. Deceased. He frowned at the date, only a single digit different to the last time Magnus had seen him. Axel died a year to the day of Magnus’s last hook up with him. There was no way that was a coincidence. Died in Florence. Alec frowned, Magnus had still been in the states then, but there was something fluttering around in his mind. Raphael Santiagio, Magnus had been living with him then, and it was before Camille had attacked him. Alec quickly typed away at his computer for a few seconds before he stopped, rigidly staring at the information he’d just acquired. He slowly leant back in his chair, not taking his eyes off the screen. Magnus may not have been in Florence when Axel von Fersen had died, but someone else was.

‘I know that look.’ He looked up to see Lily in his doorway. He smiled. ‘Someone’s done something bad and you’re the cat whose got the cream.’

‘Yes.’ He said, a slow smug grin broadening across his features. He knew she would be with him, all the way. And as it was personal to him, she would let him take the lead. ‘I am.’

‘So, who are we going after?’

‘Camille Belcourt.’

Lily didn’t even blink. ‘Where is she now?’

Alec grinned, wondering how long she had been waiting for this. And yet, she had never once pushed, waiting for him to decide in his own time. ‘Lichtenstein.’

Lily raised an eyebrow in disbelief. ‘What is she doing there?’

Lichtenstein was a tax haven and while beautiful, was not a place he would ever envision Camille Belcourt in. Camille was more a city person and while Lichtenstein was rich and known for its castles, it was also known for its alpine landscapes. And Alec would have bet money on Camille being deathly allergic to anything to do with nature.

‘Seems her new husband is a bit of a dodgy dealer.’

Lily grinned this time. ‘We wouldn’t want anyone to find out about that now would we.’

‘Course not. Nor the fact that Camille was a murderer before she starting offing her husbands.’

‘Oh?’ Lily looked like a child whose parents had just told them they were going to Disneyland.

He held out the file for her. ‘See what I see?’

She read through it briefly, he could see the speed with which her eyes moved but knew that she’d be taking it all in. ‘Birds of a feather.’ She murmured.

‘Flock together.’ He finished allowing her time to finish reading.

She raised an eyebrow. ‘Magnus dated some dude named after a Swedish count?’

Alec rolled his eyes. Of course she knew that. ‘Who died.’

Her eyes narrowed and he saw her eyes flittering quickly as she flicked through the paperwork. He’d forgotten that that wasn’t in there. ‘When?’

‘A year to the day of his last encounter with Magnus.’

Lily’s eyes zeroed in on his face. ‘And?’

He grinned. ‘In Florence, while Magnus was still here. But guess who else was in Florence at that time?’

She matched his grin. ‘Camille.’

‘What was it Sarge always used to say?’

Lily laughed at the reminder of their first Sargent as they both spoke. ‘Bingo baby.’

‘What about other’s he dated?’

‘Others?’ Alec asked blankly.

‘Did she attack any of them?’

He frowned and looked through the files. ‘Not that I’m finding.’

‘So.’ Lily said with a strange smile covering her face, one that Alec thought looked like she was having an epiphany, only a smug epiphany. ‘She felt threatened by this Axel guy.’

‘But why?’ Alec frowned. ‘It was just sex and only lasted a few months. She would have felt more threatened by Etta. They were in a committed relationship for years.’

‘But Etta didn’t look like you.’

Alec blinked. ‘You think she wanted to kill me?’

Lily shrugged. ‘I might be wrong, but why else would she attack this Swedish guy who clearly wasn’t a threat to her where Magnus was concerned, and leave alone a woman who clearly was?’

Alec stared at Lily. She did have a point. ‘Why not track me down and kill me?’

Lily grinned as she raised an eyebrow. ‘Track down and kill an army Officer highly trained in combat?’

‘Alright stupid question.’ He muttered, sending her a glare which she ignored.

Lily turned thoughtful a wry smile crossing her face. ‘You know, didn’t Bobby Ray end up marrying some girl from Lichtenstein?’

Alec frowned, a slow smile spreading across his face. ‘He did, they moved back there when she got pregnant.’

‘And didn’t he say he owed us one?’

‘He owed us several.’ Alec admitted, his smile broadening.

‘Well then.’ Lily was vibrating with excitement. ‘I think it’s time we collect.’

She turned to leave but hesitated and held up the file. ‘This have Camille’s file in it?’

He shook his head and held out a much thicker file. ‘No but this does.’

She grabbed it, opened the first page and pulled a face. ‘Who the hell is Victor Aldertree?’

Alec raised an eyebrow in disbelief. ‘You don’t remember him?’ She shook her head and he grinned. He could feel it was more than a little evil. ‘We served with him.’

She shrugged dismissively. ‘Can’t have been that good then.’

She left as his laugh echoed around the room. He knew she would be reading up on Camille, Victor Aldertree and anything or anyone she could find. He wondered if she would remember Victor Aldertree by the time she was done. Alec turned back to his computer checking his diary. He needed to book them flights, and figure out why he felt so smug that Camille had felt threatened by a guy just because he looked like him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know they're a lot of questions on how bluntly Alec told Magnus about Camille, and there is an explanation/reason for it but not for a while I'm afraid!  
> And all of that happens after this chapter (and the following one in Alec's POV) but it does get addressed - eventually!


	5. Flashback Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set at the beginning of Chapter 16 in One Love, Alec's POV of the start of the Independence Day weekend.

_Flashback aftermath_

 

 

Alec inwardly winced but knew that he hadn’t managed to hide his reaction from Lily. He had hoped, well prayed really, that he’d have had Lily stitched up and the place put back to rights before Sebastian turned up with Magnus. But he had heard the sound of a car engine draw up and stop. The cabin that he, Isabelle and Jace had purchased was isolated and far from civilisation. Perfect for his and Lily’s needs, and big enough for the whole family and a few friends to stay in at the same time.

No one else came out this far and they were expected. And around this time. He had hoped, after hearing from Sebastian how much Magnus hated early mornings, that they might have been delayed but no such luck. Just like he and Lily had to have had a flashback this morning and have one of their destructive episodes where no one and nothing was safe. Thank god everyone knew to get out their way and stay out of the way. Luckily it seemed only the kitchen was worse for wear and had taken the brunt of their violence.

He had a sneaking suspicion he knew why he’d had a flashback as well. And that Lily had no doubt. Looking at her, he wondered if he should have expected it, he wouldn’t be surprised if she had. He knew he’d been stressing over Ethan and Magnus meeting, looking forward to it and dreading it in equal measures. Especially with Lily’s words about them preying on his mind and the realisation of his own true feelings.

Ethan had not understood why they had invited Magnus, no matter how many times Alec explained that they’d been close high school friends and had lost touch when he joined the army. He hadn’t questioned who Magnus had been friendly with or why, after having lost touch for so long, they were doing bodyguard work when they were all overqualified for it. He just wasn’t happy with a stranger intruding in their weekend away at the cabin. Which Alec could see but not understand. Ethan hadn’t minded when Simon had joined them that one fateful time, but then he had met Simon before.

Alec didn’t know why, but he was beginning to ponder on why Ethan hadn’t asked the right questions. Had he just not thought of them, or had he not wanted to know the answers? Alec hated that along with all of his realisation's and feelings of guilt, he was starting to question things about Ethan, things that had never bothered him in the past, but now, with everything else they were beginning to seem like things he should have noticed before and paid attention to. They were like little red flags taunting him that he had made a mess of things and only had himself to blame.

Ethan hadn’t exactly been sulking, but he’d made his displeasure known. Alec had tried pretending to be on his side, although he had been really excited for it before Ethan had said he’d just wanted it to be the usual gang. Alec had explained that if Magnus didn’t come then Sebastian couldn’t either but Ethan hadn’t been convinced. He’d said he’d understood but Alec could tell he didn’t. It was one of those little red flags merrily waving at him.

It hadn’t helped that the conversation had been over the phone. Nor had Alec had much of an opportunity to talk to Ethan. To somehow bring up that conversation he knew they needed to have before Ethan met Magnus. It needed to be done face-to-face, and the fact that they hadn’t had any time for that was partially Alec’s fault. Ethan had been away with work, then Alec and Lily had disappeared off to Lichtenstein, arriving home just in time for them all to drive up to the cabin. He hadn’t had any time alone with Ethan and he knew that Ethan was expecting alone time at the cabin. And Alec couldn’t tell Ethan he was still in love with another man surrounded by his family on a weekend away. Especially not with said other man about to walk in the door. Ethan deserved better.

And now Isabelle was trying to comfort Ethan because Alec, feeling guilty over the whole thing had given in and agreed to try and spend the entire night with him. He knew he’d been better lately, less episodes, less nightmares, less flashbacks, less nights spent wearing himself down in the gym. Neither him nor Lily, who Alec knew had picked up on the sudden tension and probably therefore been tense on his behalf, had managed it through the first night. Luckily the destruction had been contained to the kitchen. Unable to sleep they had both decided to get a drink, startling each other in the process, kicking in their PTSD and they had both reacted. Unfortunately for Lily, Alec had been closer to the kitchen utensils. Alec had ended up holding a knife and Lily a frying pan.

They’d been lucky it wasn’t a full-blown attack and had managed to snap out of it pretty quickly. Neither ever remembered the episodes and sometimes it could take a while remembering the lead up to it, which wasn’t helpful for figuring about the trigger and avoiding it for the future. But Alec could remember up to the moment of stepping into the kitchen. He only knew he had the knife because he remembered dropping it.

He wiped up another trail of blood while he heard the door bang close, managing not to flinch at the sound, and footsteps approach. Two people. There was no guessing who. He instantly recognised the sound of Sebastian’s footsteps, and was only marginally startled when he realised he could recognise Magnus’s footsteps as well.

‘What happened?’ Alec heard Magnus ask. He didn’t bother looking around, knowing how destructive they both were when lost in a flashback. Mentally, he debated several answers but decided honesty was usually the best policy. Plus, it was rather obvious what had happened. Magnus had been at Clary’s art showing and had seen that painting. It had taken Alec weeks to get the look of horror on Magnus’s face out of his mind, and hours at the punchbag to stop the feelings of shame and failure that had come with it.

Alec could see Magnus out of the corner of his eye but he continued patching up Lily and made sure he spoke in a calm manner. No point in scaring Magnus even more when he had just walked in the door. It wouldn’t surprise him if Magnus turned around and demanded Sebastian to take him straight back home. ‘I stabbed her.’

He tried not to wince when Magnus gaped at him and carefully kept his face devoid of any emotion. He was holding his breath waiting to see how Magnus would take this. He couldn’t believe how tense he was and hadn’t realised how much it would hurt him if Magnus insisted on leaving. He really needed to have that conversation with Ethan. He knew he would be too much work for Magnus to take him on, even if for some unlikely reason, Magnus did want him back. But he wasn’t holding out any hope for that. While what had happened between them was shitty, that was life, and Magnus had moved on. He had found someone to love and live the rest of his life with, it was truly horrific that she had died and he hadn’t been able to. It was only Alec that couldn’t seem to move forward.

‘To be fair,’ Lily said calmly while Alec was still paying more attention to Magnus and saw his eyes widen even further. ‘I’m pretty sure I hit you with a frying pan.’

‘Is that why my head hurts?’ He glanced at Lily, trying to thank her with his eyes for the distraction.

‘Which side?’ She asked curiously.

Alec glared at her. Neither of them ever had much memory, or any memory really, of what they did when they were stuck in a flashback.  She started to laugh before wincing in pain. ‘Oh, don’t make me laugh.’

‘I-I am so sorry.’ Alec did wince when he heard Ethan’s voice.

He threw Lily a helpless look when he heard Sebastian. ‘You okay?’ Sebastian asked quietly. Alec glanced over and saw him standing protectively over Izzy looking terrified. Izzy grinned up him, nodding. Alec could not understand how they thought no one had figured it out yet, they were being so blatant and obvious. But they weren’t his main concern at the moment. Ethan was.

Alec threw a smile at him, softening his features, hoping that Ethan would listen to him. He may have been the one to ask Alec to stay all night with him, but Alec had been the one who had agreed against his better judgement. He knew the dangers, but his guilt had swayed his decision. And now he had his boyfriend blaming himself for his flashback and Magnus wanting to leave just as he’d arrived. It was all his fault. At least it might solve the problem of Ethan meeting Magnus though. ‘Ethan, this is not your fault. I refuse to allow you to blame yourself.’

‘But…’ Ethan began not looking at him so didn’t see the glare Alec threw at him. Alec hated that Ethan was blaming himself for this. It wasn’t his fault, it was completely and one hundred percent Alec’s fault.

‘I would rather Alec stabbed me than you darling.’ Lily cut in quickly, smiling softly at Ethan. Alec could have kissed her.  ‘There is no way I would want any of that gorgeous skin and muscle on you marred in any way.’

Alec raised an eyebrow, trying hard to smile at her. He knew she didn’t blame him. She’d done the same before and pushed herself countless times where he had caught the brunt of it, but it didn’t stop him from blaming himself. And this was her way of letting him know he was being a dick. ‘Lily, stop hitting on my boyfriend.’

‘But he’s so pretty and muscly.’ Lily whined petulantly. He knew what she was doing and loved her all the more for it. He heard Magnus chuckle and slowly breathed out, feeling tension seep out of his shoulders. He knew Lily had noticed, if the smug look in her eyes was anything to go by.

‘I’ll make the stitches too tight.’ Alec threatened.

Lily gasped but her eyes were laughing at him. ‘You wouldn’t dare.’

‘Well,’ Isabelle sighed and Alec could hear the tension seeping out of her voice. Alec hid a wince as she stood up and allowed Sebastian to wrap her in his embrace. If he’d caused any harm to her or her unborn baby he would never forgive himself. ‘At least it was just you two that got hurt.’

Alec scowled at the reminder, seeing Lily do the same. They both knew Izzy wasn’t talking about the fact that she was pregnant, they weren’t meant to know that yet. ‘That was not my fault.’ The fact that Lily had spoken the same words at the same time, at any other moment, would have made him laugh, but Clary and Jace chose that moment to walk in.

‘What’s not your fault?’ Jace asked and instantly began rooting around the mess him and Lily had made. Alec deftly ignored the two, one quick glance told him too much of what they’d just been up to as Jace righted the coffee machine and turned it on. Letting out a pleased crow of delight when it spluttered back to life. He efficiently set about making a large pot.

Alec scowled again as did Lily and neither answered.

He wasn’t surprised when it was Ethan who answered. ‘Simon.’

Alec shared a look with Lily at the sadness in his voice and without looking, he knew that Clary would be glaring at them. She had never gotten over that weekend, or forgiven them for it. It hadn’t been anyone’s fault, just one of those things. Even Simon held no grudges and had apologised to them when they had apologised to him. Alec mimicked Lily as she hunched her shoulders in on herself. Hiding seemed an excellent decision when faced with an irate Clary.

‘To be fair, it actually wasn’t their fault.’ Jace said soothingly while he measured out the coffee. Alec heard him give Clary a kiss while he avoided any eye contact.

Clary sighed. ‘I know, he knew the rules.’

Alec chanced a look and saw that she was no longer glaring. That had to be a good thing. He finished stitching Lily but didn’t move.

‘What happened?’ Magnus asked and Alec could hear the curiosity in his voice. Well at least he hadn’t demanded to be taken back home. Yet. That had to be a good sign.

‘Clary’s friend Simon came with us one year.’ Sebastian answered before immediately being interrupted. Alec could already hear the ensuing argument, it was an old one but somehow, never seemed to get old.

‘He’s not just my friend!’ Clary almost shouted, indignant rage clouding her voice. ‘He’s my best friend, but he’s friends with everyone here.’

‘Umm. Sure.’ Sebastian sounded as usual in these arguments, resigned that he would never be rid of Simon Lewis. Izzy smiled as she bit her lip, standing in her husband’s embrace, leaning back against him. Clary sighed in defeat and he continued. ‘Alec and Lily probably did what they’ve just done.’

‘And what exactly have they just done?’ Magnus asked, his voice timid as he threw them a quick glance and smiled hesitantly. Alec refused to let his breathing hitch and show how flustered he was by almost everything Magnus did, especially when it was directed at him.

‘PTSD flashback.’ Alec and Lily answered at the same time. Magnus raised an eyebrow but nodded.

‘So, this Simon had one as well?’ Magnus prompting, looking at Sebastian to continue.

Alec glanced at Lily, knowing that she would see his surprise in his eyes while he carefully kept his face blank. He could see her surprise as well, and the smile that was twitching at her lips. He couldn’t believe how well Magnus was taking this. He had been so sure that he would have demanded to be taken home and never want to have anything to do with him again, but the man kept surprising him at every turn. He’d also thought after seeing that painting of them at Clary’s that he wouldn’t accept the invitation this weekend, but again he had. It seemed that Lily, as usual, was right. Magnus did want to keep them in his life.

Jace scoffed as he stepped away from the coffee machine, allowing it to percolate and pulled Clary up against him, resting his chin on her shoulder and tucking his thumbs into the belt loops on her jeans.

‘No.’ Sebastian was grinning broadly. ‘Simon started out as our accountant. He’s never been in the army.’

‘Oh. Okay, so what happened?’ Confusion laced Magnus’s voice and Alec prayed when he heard the story, he took it as well as he had everything else so far.

Isabelle sighed. ‘We all know to get out of their way when the flashbacks happen. Simon knew. He’d been around us enough and we’d told him plenty of times.’

While Alec hated when they spoke about him as if he wasn’t there, he knew he’d say it wrong, he always did when talking about their PTSD. He pretended he was still inspecting Lily’s wound so they would continue.

‘Simon for some idiotic reason.’ Jace continued as Clary’s indignant ‘Hey!’ made Alec smile. ‘Decided to get involved.’

‘He’s now not allowed to come.’ Alec could hear the scowl in Clary’s voice again.

Just like he could hear the smugness in Sebastian voice as he took over the narrative. ‘Alec tried to kill him and Lily threw him off the balcony.’

Alec winced and shared a look with Lily. Did Sebastian really have to put it so bluntly?

‘I did not try to kill him. Just strangled him a little bit.’ Alec grimaced, that sounded even worse. This was why he usually stayed quiet, although it wasn’t like he could ever remember what happened when he was caught up in a flashback. That’s why they were called flashbacks, because as far as Alec was concerned he was back in the desert fighting for his life. And he knew it was the same for Lily as well. The scenario might change slightly, different area, different combat situation, but they would still be caught in a mental illusion in which all the senses backed up the fact that they were in a combat situation fighting for their lives, and not wherever they actually were. It was only when they came out of it, usually gasping for breath and terrified, that they realised something was wrong. That they weren’t where they thought they were, and that they were the danger.

‘I wasn’t trying to kill him either. I simply wanted him out the way.’ Lily denied in her usual bluntness. If you didn’t know Lily, it would be easy to believe that she didn’t care, but Alec knew she did, he could see it in the tell-tale way her eye’s dulled and went lifeless.

‘Alec, you had him against the wall, off the ground, with one hand.’ Clary sighed, repeating what she always did. And Alec knew that Jace would end up repeating to her in private, like he always did, that Alec and Lily had no recollection of what they had done. ‘And Lily you broke his arm.’

Magnus gaped at them incredulously. ‘And he’s still your accountant?’

There was silence for a moment. Alec blinked, shock passing through him that that was Magnus’s response. It took a moment to digest and then Alec’s shoulders began to shake as laughter bubbled up in him and Lily leaned into his chest, her lips pushed tight together. It wasn’t long before Alec lost the battle and threw his head back and laughed.

Lily peaked around Alec’s chest and smiled at Magnus. ‘Oh Magnus. I do like you.’

 

 

 


	6. The Breakup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Ethan break up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is! I've had this written for ages, I just needed Magnus and Alec to get together first so there were no spoilers!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

_The Breakup_

 

 

‘We need to talk.’ Alec said gently. He paused, mentally hitting himself for using those words. The four dreaded words that no one in a relationship ever wanted to hear, and he’d just said them. He was off to a great start.

Alec gathered his thoughts as he clenched his hands into fists behind his back to stop them from shaking. He knew this conversation was long overdue, that he should have made time for it before the weekend. Before Alec had tried to spend the entire night with Ethan out of guilt and ended up having yet another episode. He was so thankful that it hadn’t lasted long or been too violent. But the stress of not having the forthcoming conversation was eating away at him. And Alec would rather be single then live a lie. Part of him hoped it wouldn’t come to that, but a bigger part of him knew that he either didn’t or wasn’t ready to admit to what it was he actually wanted.

He had planned this out carefully, well he’d planned the timing and the place out carefully. He hadn’t gotten very far with what he was going to say. But he had made sure that it was just him and Ethan, alone, at his home. Lily had gone out and not-so subtly hidden all the knives so that if things went downhill, there were no sharp objects to hand. He knew she’d done it to make him smile and not because she thought Ethan might actually use them. Although Alec did wonder if she had done it in case something triggered a flashback. He knew that Ethan wasn’t a dramatic or theatrical man but telling a loved one that you were also in love with someone else, and quite possibly had been not just for the entire length of your relationship but also since you were a teenager, could easily lead to some very strong emotions. Emotions that could easily make someone act out of character.

Ethan nodded, he looked uneasy and unsure. He’d taken his coat off as usual but had hesitated hanging it up and had followed Alec through to the lounge silently. That wasn’t like Ethan, nor had he initiated a kiss the way he usually did and had declined anything to drink. Alec always kept some of his disgusting vegetable smoothies that Ethan swore by in his fridge for him.

‘We do. And please let me go first.’

Alec nodded. It was obvious to him that Ethan had picked up on something. But that whether it was still remaining guilt from his last episode or whether he’d picked up on Alec’s tension, he didn’t know. Ethan had been very careful about touching him since he’d arrived and had sat down on the opposite end of the sofa.

Alec still wasn’t sure what he wanted yet, but he knew he could no longer lie to Ethan. He was going to tell him that he still had feelings for Magnus and see what happened. The army had taught him a lot, and in dangerous situations, to make last second decisions which roughly translated, meant to wing it. Well, actually they’d taught him how to survive, but translating that to this situation and to civilian life then, yeah, he was going to wing it.

‘I can’t do this any more Alec.’ Ethan’s voice was hoarse and low, as if he himself couldn’t quite believe he was saying this.

Alec stared at him for a moment, noticing things he hadn’t quite paid attention to on Ethan’s arrival. The bitten bottom lip, the bags under his eyes, the tanned skin slightly paler than usual. The sad tilt to his eyes and mouth and the fidgeting fingers that couldn’t keep still.

‘Okay?’ He asked slowly wondering if Ethan had noticed more than he had given him credit for. At least his behaviour since his arrival now made sense. At another time, Alec might have found it amusing that they had both planned this talk for the same time.

‘We need to break-up.’ Ethan clarified.

Alec nodded slowly unsure if that feeling unfurling in his chest was relief or regret. Most likely regret, after all this was the end of a relationship. A loving, committed, relationship that he had, at one point, seen lasting for years to come. But he had always pictured them as they were now, living in separate houses and he now realised that that wasn’t fair on Ethan. He’d been selfish and it was time to think of Ethan now.

‘We do.’ He agreed quietly. He watched sadly as Ethan stared at him with wide eyes. He wondered if Ethan thought he might have fought for staying together. But how could he? At least this way, maybe he didn’t have to hurt Ethan by telling him that he was in love with another man. Was that the coward’s way out or would it be rubbing it in his face if he did?

‘I need more.’ Ethan said quietly, his voice breaking.

‘Ethan, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’ Alec closed his eyes, breathing through his nose deeply and holding it for two beats then slowly releasing it. He wanted nothing more than to go over and hug him, to take away his pain, but he knew that would do so much more damage than anything else. He wasn’t going to fight this breakup, he knew this relationship had been bad for Ethan since the start. ‘I wish I could deal with it, get over it.’

‘I know.’ Ethan shuffled over and cupped a hand around Alec’s chin. ‘I wish you could too, but not just for me. For yourself.’

‘I goddamn hate this.’ Alec could hear the hoarseness in his own voice. And the acceptance. He knew Ethan could too. He’d always been able to read Ethan’s expressions and gestures.

‘Don’t blame your PTSD.’ Ethan sighed, he got up and stood over by the window, wrapping his arms around himself as if he could shield his heart from the pain. ‘It isn’t just that.’

Alec frowned. ‘What…?’

There was no way Ethan could have guessed his feelings towards Magnus. But if this wasn’t about his PTSD, then what was it about? He had just assumed it was his PTSD, that was the usual deal breaker. The one thing most people, not just lovers but even friends, couldn’t seem to get over or past. They couldn’t seem to realise that it was something he would suffer with for the rest of his life, something that he would never get over. And once they realised that, they couldn’t always accept it, they tried to keep fixing him and when that didn’t work, they were gone.

Ethan paused, turning away from Alec as if it pained him to look at him. ‘It’s how you look at Magnus.’

‘Magnus?’ Alec could hear his own bewilderment, but he knew the cause of that bewilderment was different from what Ethan would interpret. It wasn’t because he didn’t know how he felt, he did. But he thought he’d hidden his feelings. That Ethan hadn’t noticed, he had thought that telling him about Magnus would have been a shock.

Ethan turned back with a small sad smile on his face. ‘I’ve seen how you look at him.’

‘How?’ Alec asked his heart freezing. He had been trained better than that. He had been trained to hide all emotion and to carry on with his mission. And this had been the plan, to tell Ethan this, so why was he freezing? It was different Lily telling him this, to Ethan telling him. Somehow it made it more real. Lily picked up on so much, sometimes too much, she knew him so well it was like second nature to her. But coming from Ethan, it seemed to solidify it all. Make it not just real but tangible as well.

‘The same way I look at you. With love.’

Alec closed his eyes and used the breathing technique again. He loved Ethan, not like he did Magnus, but he had been prepared to share what he could, for the rest of his life with Ethan. Ethan had accepted the PTSD, that it was unlikely Alec would ever be able to sleep the entire night through in bed with him, that Alec would spends most nights on his own or, platonically, sleeping with Lily as she was the only one who could handle and calm down his PTSD episodes. And the same with her. He wasn’t the only one damaged and broken. They both were. But Ethan had accepted that and Alec knew how rare that was. To find that love and consideration in another person. And there was no way that Alec could lie to him any longer.

‘I’m sorry.’ Alec heard himself whisper before he realised he was going to say anything. He heard Ethan move towards him.

‘So am I.’ Ethan kissed him lightly on the lips. ‘Take care of yourself Alec.’

Alec nodded absently as he heard the front door close. He opened his eyes to find himself alone. Unfortunately, old habits die hard, and he couldn’t stop himself from checking the entire house to make sure that he truly was alone and that someone hadn’t snuck in in his moment of distraction.

He set the alarm and waited for Lily to come home.

 

 

‘Alec?’ Lily called unsurely. He knew why she was unsure. She had just disabled the alarm even though he was home. It was a long time since either of them had needed to do that. He heard her soft footsteps as she descended down the stairs to the basement. He doubted she’d even bothered looking anywhere else in the house. He wasn’t just being predictable, they knew each other too well.

When they had first been discharged, the alarm had been set constantly. And they had both needed the reassurance of checking it was set and still active to feel even a false sense of security and safeness. But over time, they had slowly begun to heal and acclimate back into civilian life. It had helped living in a low crime neighbourhood and the neighbours being aware they could and would defend themselves and their homes. It had only taken one kid who thought he was all that and had tried to push his luck. He had almost shat his pants when Alec had held him against the wall one handed, the guys feet not even touching the floor. He had then come back and tried to ambush Lily as she left the house. He’d ended up in hospital with three broken ribs, a broken ankle, wrist, arm and collar bone and severe concussion and bruising. She’d pretended to be disappointed to learn that he had no internal bleeding. The policeman had wanted to arrest her there and then but had been too terrified after Jace flashed his FBI badge and threatened him. As it was, the CCTV camera they had placed monitoring the house had proven that the kid was at fault and Lily had defended herself. Albeit rather forcefully. She’d just ended up with a fine which had been overturned when she told the police chief she suffered from PTSD. The poor kid had been lucky to avoid jail time.

‘We broke up.’ He said hoarsely, he was still blaming himself for how badly he had handled everything. That Ethan had known and had to deal with the pain that Alec had inadvertently dealt him.

‘Shit, I’m sorry Alec.’ She immediately sat down next to him and enveloped him in a hug. He was all hot and sweaty from trying to work his frustration, anger and guilt away in their gym but that had never fazed Lily.  He didn’t know how long he had been working out for, but it had been long enough for him to end up collapsed, exhausted on the floor. He wrapped his arms around her, clinging on even though she didn’t even know what had happened.

‘I planned it out like a goddamn military op.’ He chuckled brokenly. Not only did he feel guilty, but worse than that, he felt hollow. ‘That should have tipped me off.’

‘What do you mean?’ She asked softly, allowing him to tell her in his own time.

He closed his eyes and shrugged, anger directed at himself taking over some of the hollowness. ‘I planned for contingencies, if his emotions got the better of him and all that crap. I didn’t think about him. The pain he would be feeling. The pain that I caused him. How the hell did he put up with me for so long?’

‘Because he’s a good man who cares for you.’

‘I was awful to him.’ He whispered. He was still unsure if he had loved Ethan, he thought he did, but how could he have when he’d treated him so appallingly?

‘No.’ She grabbed his face and forced him to look at her. He knew how strong she was so it came as no surprise that she was able to. ‘Alec, you were not awful to him, you gave him as much as you could. You did so much for him, tried so hard for him. No one can help who they do or do not love.’

He nodded automatically but her words calmed him. He had tried. And he was better now than he had been at the start of their relationship. He had tried to be better for Ethan and to an extent he had succeeded. He had opened up and allowed someone in but then they had become complacent. The fact that he couldn’t get better didn’t mean anything, he knew. Countless years of counselling had taught him that. PTSD didn’t march to a drumbeat. It didn’t have rules or regulations and it didn’t care about who he loved or stopped for them. It just was. He’d had it long enough to know that, accept it and believe it.

The more Alec looked at his relationship with Ethan, the more he realised that he was just floating along, comfortable and content and not unhappy, but missing something. Something that made it a proper, real, committed relationship. Not that either of them hadn’t been committed, just lacking something. Something important but what, Alec had no idea. It was only now, at the end of the relationship that he saw it. He knew that if Lily had seen it, she would have told him. She’d already told him that he was afraid of Ethan leaving, and maybe that had been it. He’d been holding himself back, afraid of getting hurt again.

‘Did you tell him? About Magnus?’

Alec shook his head, hating the guilt that seemed to grab his intestines and twist them in knots with glee. He accepted it because he knew he had a lot to feel guilty about. He had screwed up. Majorly. He had hurt Ethan by trying to protect the pair of them, just in different ways. ‘He told me.’

Lily winced. ‘Shit.’

‘Yep. That about sums it up.’ He huffed glumly. He seemed to suck at relationships. Romantic ones anyway. He seemed to do alright in platonic ones, well with certain people anyway. He had his friends, close friends, and really, what more could he ask for? He was luckier than some people, he knew. He had Lily. Jace, Izzy, Max and Sebastian. And even Clary and Simon, and there were others, others he didn’t see every day but still counted as friends, such as Lydia and Maia. And to an extent he had Magnus. He just didn’t know if, after all this stalker business got cleared up, Magnus would still want to be counted.

Lily leaned back to look up into his face. He looked back at her sadly, wondering if she had any answers that might make him feel better and take away this excruciating guilt.

‘Come on.’ Lily said pulling him up of the floor. ‘I’ll text the others, we’re way too sober for this.’

He smiled as he allowed her to manhandle him up and followed her out of the basement gym and up the stairs. He didn’t know what he would ever do without her.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I've just joined twitter! Come find me - coz I have no idea how it works! Sunset Daydreams @DaydreamsSunset


	7. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set before Chapter 21 in One Love, somewhere between chapter 18 and 19 so is before they get together.
> 
> Alec and Lily can't sleep and talk about Ethan and Magnus. Izzy has her own crisis.

_Regrets_

 

 

‘How are you holding up?’ Lily yawned as she handed him his second cup of coffee of the day. He’d gotten a couple hours of restless sleep until he’d woken in a sweat and knew from past experience that he wouldn’t get any more. It was only the early hours of the morning and while he could go down to the gym to try and exhaust himself, he just wasn’t in the mood. Plus, he had spent enough time in there recently, it was beginning to border on unhealthy. Lily must not be sleeping tonight either but it looked like she’d only just given up on trying.

Alec grimaced. He wasn’t sure how he was feeling but worse than that, was that he knew he wasn’t feeling what he should be. She raised an eyebrow in silent query as she took her first sip of coffee, a look of bliss covering her face. ‘Still guilty.’

‘But are you missing him?’ Her voice was light and airy as if she didn’t think he was and was teasing him for it. Sometimes he didn’t appreciate how well she knew him.

He huffed, trying to ignore the stabbing feeling of betrayal. Not from Lily, but for Ethan. He could imagine what Ethan was feeling, what he was going through. He had gone through something similar with Magnus. He could still remember the pain he’d felt when he’d received Camille’s email and seen those pictures of them together. Heart-breaking wasn’t quite a strong enough word for it. He knew that had been different. He hadn’t been in touch with Magnus, or anyone for ages, and finding that email mixed in with everyone else’s hadn’t been easy. Especially as Magnus had also emailed him begging him to contact him but nothing after the date of Camille’s email. It had been his first contact with the outside world since he’d been forced to enrol and it had been more brutal than all of his training put together. ‘That’s why I feel so fucking guilty.’

‘Ah.’ She winced in understanding. ‘So, I take it you’re not missing him? Or not as much as you think you should be?’

He glared at her, then wrinkled his nose in submission. He knew her, he loved her, she was trying to help. And he knew from past experience that talking helped, and talking to her helped most. Lily would help him make sense of his feelings and help him figure out where to go from here. ‘I do miss him. But I think I miss having someone there, rather than him.’

‘Hey, you have me.’ Lily waggled her eyebrows at him holding her coffee mug in front of her face as she inhaled the smell of caffeine. He knew she was smiling.

He chuckled. ‘Thanks. But I just don’t feel the same kissing you.’

‘Eww. Please Alec, I haven’t even finished my first coffee of the day.’ She complained but he could see the humour in her eyes. No matter how many times they had kissed having to pretend to be a couple for missions, it had never gotten awkward between them. Of course, Lily had taken the credit with an elegant half shoulder shrug and a quiet declaration that she was an expert actress. He’d rolled his eyes, snorted and it had turned into a thing that they occasionally had to do for work. Nothing more, nothing less. ‘How have things been between you and Magnus?’

Alec sighed and sipped at his coffee. She was pulling out the big guns today. ‘Not great.’ He felt rather than saw Lily’s enquiring look and shrugged helplessly. ‘I thought he would be pleased that Camille was dead.’

Lily smiled wryly. ‘So did I, but then not everyone thinks the way we do.’

‘Isn’t that the truth.’ Lily snorted and Alec turned to look at her. He nodded before he leant his head back staring at the ceiling for a second while he got his thoughts in order. ‘I keep forgetting that I’ve changed, and not everyone else.’

‘Everyone else?’ She looked at him enquiringly.

‘Well, everyone outside of our circle. I knew to be careful around Ethan.’ Ethan had never known about half the stuff they got up to, and now that Alec thought about it, he wasn’t sure who he’d been protecting. Ethan or himself. At the time he’d told himself it was Ethan, now he wasn’t so sure.

‘But you keep forgetting around Magnus.’ She smiled sadly.

Alec nodded. He wasn’t sure if it was because of their past relationship or because there was just something about Magnus. ‘He’s just so easy to be around.’

‘You feel comfortable around him. You drop your guard.’ Lily said thoughtfully, nodding absently. ‘You talk to him how you would one of us.’

‘I do.’ He admitted. ‘And I never realised that I treated Ethan so differently.’

‘It was a subconscious decision.’ Lily agreed. ‘I never really noticed, well I suppose I did and that you did it to protect him.’

‘Protect him?’ Alec asked with a frown. He’d thought that as well, had they both been wrong, or had it been the right thing to do? He supposed he would never find out now. Maybe if Ethan had known more, he might have left sooner, or fought harder. If there positions were reversed, Alec didn’t think he would have given up so easily. He hadn’t with Magnus when they were younger, so why had Ethan just thrown in the towel?

‘Death, was basically, part of our job. We were doing a job that had a very low chance of survival. We made jokes and treated it light heartedly in order to survive.’ Lily shrugged. ‘People make light of serious matters to make it through them. It’s a laugh or cry decision.’

Alec nodded, it was common knowledge in high risk situations. If you don’t laugh, you’ll end up crying, unable to stop. And in high risk situations, that usually means the end of your career, or death. ‘The more I think about my relationship with Ethan, the more I realise how much of an arse I’ve been to him. Is that why he gave up so easily?’

‘Gave up?’ Lily frowned.

Alec shrugged. ‘It feels like he didn’t fight to stay with me.’

Lily stilled. ‘Did you want him to?’

Alec shook his head. Now that it had happened and Alec had realised his feelings weren’t what they should be, he knew it was for the best. He didn’t want to get back together with Ethan, nor did he wish that Ethan had fought to stay with him. He was just, miffed he supposed, that Ethan had allowed them to end so easily. ‘No. But now, this, with Magnus. I can’t do that to him as well.’

‘Alec, you deserve to be happy.’ Lily said gently, looking at him intently.

Alec grinned at her. ‘So do you.’

‘And you make me happy.’ She arched an eyebrow at him and smiled wryly but he knew she wouldn’t allow him to deflect for long.

‘As do you for me.’ Alec replied smugly.

Lily laughed. ‘But we’re talking about you and Magnus.’

‘I just, I don’t understand what went wrong.’ Alec admitted. Magnus had been distant with him towards the end of the weekend at the cabin and the only thing Alec could put it down to was telling him about Camille. Was Magnus really upset that she was dead?

‘Not everyone is taught to eliminate their problems before they come back and kill you.’ She reminded him.

He grimaced. If he ever needed a reminder of how different he was to civilians, this was not that time. ‘I don’t know what to do! Should I go apologise?’

‘Speak to him Alec. You two don’t really know each other anymore. So, get to know him.’

Alec nodded. That was feasible and as plans went, it was a good one. He knew Magnus didn’t feel the same as him, but he wanted to keep him in his life. He had missed him. ‘Okay. I can do that. Speak to him. Get to know him again.’

‘There’s no right or wrong. No one is perfect, not even you.’

He scowled at her. ‘Shut up. I can be perfect.’

‘Oh please.’ She rolled her eyes and relaxed back against the counter again drinking more of her coffee.

‘I’m just not good with people.’ He grumbled with a frown wondering when he’d finished his own. He glanced at the pot only to find it empty.

‘No shit?’ Lily asked looking genuinely surprised. Alec glared at her, he knew her too well. ‘All these years and your only just telling me this now?’

‘Piss off.’ He grumbled.

‘You want me to sound him out?’

Alec felt himself brighten but was still hesitant. Should he be feeling this excited about the possibility of clearing the air with Magnus? Even though he knew nothing more than friendship could come of it. No matter how he felt himself, the facts spoke the truth and the facts said that Magnus was still in love with Etta. ‘Would that be weird?’

‘Not really.’ Lily shrugged. ‘But I’ll leave telling him the whole story up to you.’

Alec blinked at her. ‘What do you mean?’

Lily bit her lip, trying not to laugh. ‘Well, we never did explain why Aldertree killed Camille after over hearing us.’

‘Oh, come on.’ Alec laughed, shaking his head. ‘Magnus doesn’t think we talked a man into killing his wife without even speaking to him!’

‘We were winding up Sebastian.’ She reminded him and he grinned back, remembering how worked up Sebastian had been. He hadn’t cottoned on the fact that they were taking the piss for ages and had tried so hard to reign in his anger. Sebastian was usually quicker at picking them up on it so they didn’t get very many opportunities to wind him up. Especially as they had usually done what he was accusing them of. Lily giggled. ‘Could you imagine?’

‘It would wipe out half the world in weeks.’ Alec snorted as he mentally pictured a world where that was possible.

‘It would sort out the over population mess.’ Lily grinned at him and Alec chuckled, he knew full well she didn’t think that.

‘We’d be extinct in under a year.’ He said dryly.

She laughed before finishing her coffee. Placing down the empty mug she looked at him. ‘Have you told Magnus?’

Alec frowned at her, wondering if she was going to make another pot or if he should. ‘Told him what?’

She bit her lip but it still didn’t hide her smile. ‘That you and Ethan broke up.’

He glared at her. ‘And when was the last time I spoke to him?’

She winced. ‘Ah.’

He huffed. He’d lost count of the amount of times he’d picked up the phone to call Magnus, but then found some reason not to. Chief among them, he didn’t know what to say. They were no further along in finding out anything more about his stalker, and if they were, then Sebastian would be the one informing him.

‘But are you going to?’

He shook his head. ‘No.’

‘Why not?’

‘Really?’ He looked at her and mimicked himself speaking. ‘Hey Magnus, so I broke up with Ethan because I’m still in love with you, even though you’re still in love with Etta and probably haven’t given me a second thought for thirteen years.’

She narrowed her eyes at him. ‘Seriously? You think he blamed himself for your death without managing to think about you?’

He glared back at her. He knew that Magnus didn’t feel the same as him and it didn’t matter how many time’s he said it out loud, it still hurt every single time. ‘Okay, so maybe he thought about me. But it doesn’t mean he feels the same way.’

She sighed but he knew he had her there. She knew from first hand experience that just because you loved someone, it didn’t mean they loved you back. ‘Come on, let’s go for a run.’

‘Now?’ He asked surprised, glancing out the kitchen window. It was still dark but this was why he loved her. She understood him. ‘It’s three in the morning.’

‘In the city that never sleeps.’

He smiled wryly and got up to change into his running gear. Fresh air would be a welcome change from beating the punching bag in the basement gym.

 

 

‘Alec! Lily!’ Alec heard his sister’s dulcet tones yell out at the same time he heard the front door slamming closed. The alarm beeped twice before stopping but Izzy had the code.

He groaned, blinking quickly and went to sit up but was stopped by a weight on his chest and Lily’s echoing groan. His head fell back on the sofa as Izzy’s heels echoed along the wooden floor.

‘What are you still doing asleep?’

‘Late night.’ Alec grumbled. Her voice was way too loud for this early in the morning. They’d gotten back around half four, thoroughly exhausted but still wide awake. The last thing he remembered was watching some mindless programme on the TV, Lily asleep in his lap on the sofa.

‘I’ll put the coffee on.’ Izzy offered brightly.

‘No!’ He heard Lily yell at the same time he did. Izzy certainly knew how to wake them both up.

‘Oh, come on, guys. I can make coffee.’

‘I’ll help. I’m up.’ Lily shot up and stumbled in her haste as she yawned and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

‘Why aren’t you at work?’ Alec grumbled as he slowly followed them through to the kitchen. He glared at Izzy as she grabbed an apple and hoped up onto the counter. ‘Why are you so cheerful?’

‘Why are you so grumpy?’ She retorted with a smile before biting into the apple.

‘Where’s the coffee?’ He demanded.

‘Hold your horses.’ Lily laughed as she turned it on after spooning enough in for the two of them and quickly made Izzy a herbal tea. They all knew she wouldn’t touch it.

‘I don’t know why you don’t keep a pot permanently going just for grumpypants here.’ Izzy grinned at him again.

‘Why _are_ you here?’ Alec looked at her suddenly worriedly. While it wasn’t unlike her to suddenly pop over, it was a weekday and she was due at work. ‘Is everything okay?’

Izzy smiled but there was something off about it. ‘I’m fine.’

Alec crossed his arms. He knew his sister well and knew when she was deflecting. Something was going on. He knew it wasn’t serious otherwise she would have already come out with it. Something she didn’t deem important was bugging her. ‘Does Seb know you’re here?’

‘Err.’ Izzy looked away, her smile falling from her face.

‘Iz.’ Alec said gently, walking up to her and placing his hands on her knees. This unimportant something seemed to be making her avoid her husband. And that was not like his sister. He waited, knowing that she wouldn’t last long. She’d come here to talk and when she felt ready, she would.

‘He’s driving me nuts!’ Izzy exploded suddenly. Alec had to hide his smile at how quickly it had taken although she’d never really been one to bottle her emotions. ‘I’m not allowed to do anything! He even thinks my job is dangerous!’

‘You cut up dead people.’ Lily said dubiously with a confused frown. ‘How is that dangerous?’

‘Exactly!’ Izzy threw her hands up exasperated.

‘So why does he think it’s dangerous?’ Alec asked confused. Sebastian wasn’t unreasonable and after all these years, should know better than to treat Izzy with kid gloves. He worshipped her, always had and was good for her.

Izzy sighed, throwing her head back against the cupboard. ‘Because of the baby. He thinks some of the stuff we use is going to harm the baby and he’s worrying about everything.’

‘Is any of the stuff you use harmful to the baby?’ Alec asked vaguely remembering that some of the chemicals that were used were.

‘Well, yes. The formaldehyde is which is why I no longer use it and the morgue has hired a replacement for me till I return from maternity leave.’

‘So, are you around any of the dangerous stuff?’

‘No!’ Izzy grouched. ‘All I’m allowed to do is bloody paperwork!’

Lily shoved her hand in her mouth to stop herself from laughing out loud.

‘Izzy.’ Alec sighed unable to hid his smile. His sister had always been dramatic and there was no way that was changing any time soon. ‘Is he being over protective?’

‘Yes!’ She half snarled, half shouted. If Alec hadn’t witnessed her like this many times before he would most likely have been terrified, as it was, he was more amused. ‘He baby proofed the kitchen last night. I couldn’t open the fridge!’

Lily finally lost it, snorted around her hand as she leant against the opposite counter to hold herself up. Alec was right there with her but first he had a twin sister he needed to calm down.

‘I think you need to speak to Seb about this.’ Alec said, leaning forward and kissing her forehead. He stayed there, wrapping his arms around her as she leant into him. Izzy may be the dramatic one of the two, but she always listened to him.

‘Do I have to?’

‘Yes Izzy. He’s your husband.’ He bit his lip as Lily’s body shuddered with the force of her gasps as she tried to quieten her laughter. Even to him Izzy sounded like petulant child throwing a tantrum.

‘I tried.’ She whined. ‘He wouldn’t listen.’

‘Then make him listen.’ Alec said softly.

‘Wait, wait, wait.’ Lily gasped as she finally stopped laughing. ‘Izzy can’t get her husband to listen to her? _The_ Isabelle Lightwood? The one who had the top brass shaking in their boots?’

‘Oh shut up.’ Izzy threw her half-eaten apple at her but Lily caught it and smugly took a bite.

‘You know,’ Lily grinned at her. ‘You could always baby-proof the liquor cabinet.’

Izzy blinked at her. ‘What would that accomplish? I can’t drink.’

‘Exactly.’ Lily smiled smugly. Alec grinned as he realised what she was getting at and waited for Izzy to cotton on. ‘ _You_ can’t.’

‘Oh.’ Izzy’s eyes widened and a smile widened across her face. ‘Oh!’

‘I’m sure he’ll listen then.’ Alec said wryly as Lily passed the apple back to Izzy who happily continued munching on it. Lily poured out two coffees and handed one to him. He sniffed it appreciatively before taking a well needed sip. He’d been for a stress reducing run, had a good sleep and averted a sister related crisis. It was shaping up to be good a day.

 

 

 


	8. Getting together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, I don't think I need to tell you which chapter this correlates to...

_Getting together_

 

 

‘Hey Max, what have you got?’ Alec answered his phone on the second ring. He frowned as Max spoke nineteen to the dozen. He only did that when he was really excited or really worried. And by the tone of his voice, he definitely wasn’t excited.

‘It’s that bad?’ He rolled his eyes at his youngest brothers worried babbling. He still managed to understand every word though. ‘Just tell me Max.’

He listened and felt the blood drain from his face. He forced himself to breath evenly and not crush the phone in his hand. He had never imagined that Max would dig this up. That his own parents had once been friends with the man who had changed his life forever and not for the better. ‘You think they can help?’ His kept his voice low, trying to stay calm but could hear the roughness in it. It wouldn’t do to have a breakdown now, on the phone to Max, in front of Magnus and away from Lily and home. He breathed in for two beats, counted to three and breathed out for four beats.

‘Okay, what else?’ Max kept talking and he forced himself to pay attention. ‘Umm hmm, brilliant. Keep looking. Love you Max.’

‘Alec?’ He distantly heard Magnus ask as he hung up.

He hadn’t forgotten that Magnus was there, but his voice was a reminder that he had to keep it together, that he couldn’t lose control now. He didn’t realise he was staring at his phone but he turned to Magnus and took a deep bracing breath. He obviously wasn’t as good as hiding his emotions as he thought as Magnus was looking visibly terrified.

‘My parents knew Valentine Morgenstern. Years ago. They apparently broke ties a couple years after Izzy and I were born.’

Magnus gaped at him. He clearly hadn’t expected to hear that either. ‘What?’

‘Valentine must have known who I was.’ Alec sighed wearily as he quickly thought back to the lead up to the period of time he tried very hard to never think about. Thinking was good, thinking was a distraction and while he needed a distraction, thinking of what caused all of this was not really the best distraction for him. ‘That’s assuming he knew the names of the soldiers he handed over to be tortured and killed.’

Magnus was still gaping at him. ‘You think he knew who you were?’

Alec shrugged, wondering if he could change the subject. He knew it would hurt Magnus though, if he thought he was being shut out, and Alec didn’t know what pained him more. Surprisingly, thinking about this wasn’t setting Alec off like it used to. Maybe he had mellowed with time, or become used it. Or maybe it was Magnus. ‘If he knew my parents, yeah. How many Lightwoods have you heard of?’

‘Holy shit.’ Magnus breathed, staring at Alec in alarm. ‘How did- how did he?’

‘Trick our unit?’ Alec asked quietly. It was question he used to ask all the time and he still didn’t know the answer to it. But he had excuses. Everyone had. Magnus nodded. ‘He was in our base camp. We got used to seeing him around. He had the uniform, the right information, the credentials. We all assumed he checked out and that we could trust him. There was no reason not to.’ Alec sighed and looked away. It was always hard to speak about this, about what went wrong, but more so to Magnus and somehow it was easier at the same time. ‘It would have been, and probably was, easy for him to find out some information that way. But none of it would have been classified or top-secret information, like the mission we were on when we were captured.’

‘Was he with you?’ Magnus asked, his voice quiet as if he was unsure if he was allowed to ask Alec these questions. ‘When you were captured?’

Alec shook his head. ‘No, but we saw him when we being interrogated. He was drinking tea.’

He could feel Magnus staring at him and wondered if Magnus had guessed just what he meant when he said interrogated. He hoped not. But the image of Valentine calmly kneeling with his captors drinking tea had never left him. He knew it still haunted Lily as well. It had taken them both a long time to even be able to look at a teapot.

‘How well did he know your parents?’ Magnus asked changing the subject and Alec wasn’t sure which he preferred. Neither were pleasant topics for him, but it was Magnus who had asked and he had never been able to deny him anything.

‘Apparently, they were good friends for a long time, before I was born. They cut ties when I was a baby. Max couldn’t find out why.’ Alec told him feeling lost. He looked at Magnus and wished they could go back in time and change everything. He had often wondered what would have happened if he had insisted on taking Magnus home that night instead of letting him go with Camille. But he had forced himself to stop thinking like that, it did no good.

‘D-did Max think they could help?’ Magnus asked, his voice hesitant and so unsure, not like Magnus at all. Alec wondered if Magnus thought he was pushing some boundary with him, but he had never had any boundaries where Magnus was concerned. ‘Your parents?’

Alec shrugged, automatically blanking his face like he always did when talking about his parents. They were another subject he wasn’t comfortable talking about. ‘Not at the moment. He thinks Valentine is Jonathan’s father, but there’s nothing concrete, just supposition. Valentine had a son, their ages line up, there’s a report that he went missing but was found again. Some misunderstanding between him and his ex-wife but nothing since. The ex-wife disappeared eighteen months after that, possibly with his son. Jonathan was put into foster care somewhere between the age of two and three. He was dumped at a police station in a different state, just his name on a blanket, no note, no record of any parents. It looks like Valentine might have tracked him down once he turned twenty-one. But again, it’s just supposition.’

Magnus frowned at him. ‘Why do we think he tracked him down at twenty-one?’

Alec shrugged again. Max couldn’t find out who had Jonathan before he was left at the police station, but it was looking like the mother, this Jocelyn his own mother had mentioned, hadn’t cared much for Jonathan either. Not that that was an excuse, Alec hadn’t exactly had caring parents and he hadn’t turned out to be psychopath or stalker, none of his siblings had. ‘Jonathan went off the radar for a year or so shortly after he turned twenty-one. They’ve been working together on and off on illegal jobs since then but the police have never connected the two, they have a thing about breaking laws. It seems Lilith was more connected to Valentine than Jonathan at first, but in the last couple of years, the pair of them seem to be branching out, away from Valentine.’

Magnus raised his eyebrows, looking impressed. ‘How did Max find this out?’

‘Don’t ask.’ Alec had to hide his smile. He was definitely not proud of his little brother for breaking the law. Nor of doing it so easily or effortlessly.

‘So, it was in no way legal then?’

Alec smirked, unable to stop it this time. Who was he kidding, he was immensely proud of Max, although he did hate exploiting his youngest brothers talent for his own gain. ‘You really need to ask me that?’

Magnus rolled his eyes. ‘How is Max?’

Alec grinned, his family was his favourite subject and a guaranteed way to settle his mind. ‘He’s good, on holiday with a couple friends from school, but wants to come home to help us with this.’

‘You going to let him?’

‘Hell no. I want him as far away from Valentine Morgenstern as I can get him. I offered to pay for him and his friends to go to California, all expenses paid.’ He would like nothing more than to send his entire family away to the other side of the country, but knew that not a single one of them go. At least currently Max was still away. With Izzy expecting, he had already tried getting Sebastian to whisk her away on holiday. He wasn’t surprised when she had refused.

Magnus nodded. ‘Did he accept?’

‘He’s debating it, but he’ll probably end up turning up at my house in a day or so.’ Alec really wished he would except the holiday but knew better. It was only a matter of time, hours really not days until Max turned up. The only reason he hadn’t yet was because he’d been getting every little detail he could find on the three people Alec had asked him to look into. Max always took these things seriously and there was no doubt that he didn’t know exactly who Valentine Morgenstern was to Alec and Lily even though he had never mentioned it.

Magnus raised an eyebrow but Alec shrugged.

‘And you’re okay with him breaking the law?’ Magnus asked smiling. Alec was relieved that he wasn’t judging them or running straight to the police.

Alec laughed. ‘Oh, he does a lot worse than what I ask him to do.’

‘And you know this how?’

‘Do you know how he got into MIT? Well, got the scholarship anyway.’ Alec couldn’t help the proud feeling he always got when thinking about it, even though he’d been mad as hell at the time.

‘Okay, I’ll bite.’ Magnus was staring again.

‘He hacked the FBI.’ Alec hid his smile as Magnus choked. ‘He wanted Jace’s timetable. We were planning a surprise party.’

‘He… What?’

Alec laughed and nodded. ‘It wasn’t long after Jace started, maybe a year or something. We managed to get him off with a misdemeanour but Izzy had the bright idea of leaking it to all the schools he wanted to go to.’

‘And that worked?’ Magnus looked as if didn’t quite believe him.

‘Well, to be fair, MIT was the only one who offered him a full scholarship for breaking the law.’ Alec was still a little disgruntled that more hadn’t, but he knew he was biased when it came to his baby brother.

‘So, he no longer takes after you then?’ Magnus’s tone was teasing and Alec could feel himself slowly relaxing and loosening up.

‘Hey.’ Alec frowned indignantly, then winced knowing the truth of the matter. ‘He may still take after me a bit too much.’

‘How’s Ethan?’ Magnus suddenly asked completely wrongfooting Alec. He had not been expecting Magnus to ask him about Ethan. He’d been expecting Magnus to ask the first few times they’d met up after the weekend at the cabin. Or maybe tonight when he had turned up alone with take out at his door, completely uninvited, but not now. Not after he’d been here for a couple of hours and they’d been talking about Max and laughing. Not when he’d let his guard down.

Alec sighed, trying not to grimace and played with his glass. ‘We broke up.’

‘Oh?’

‘Yeah.’ Alec looked away at the floor as he fiddled with his shirt cuff. He heard the surprise in Magnus’s voice. Had he thought they were good together and well suited? He could feel Magnus staring again and knew he was concerned, like any friend would be. Maybe was Lily had been right and he should have told Magnus sooner, but he felt so awkward talking about it.

‘We don’t have to talk about it. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.’ Magnus told him and the gentleness in his voice almost undid him.

 ‘No, it’s okay.’ Alec took a moment. He gathered his courage, this was something he needed to say, but he couldn’t look at Magnus while he said it. ‘Ethan is great. He put up with so much shit from me. My PTSD isn’t easy but he was so great about it all.’

Magnus nodded at him. It didn’t help Alec with what he was trying to say. How could Magnus look so concerned for him? Lily had to be wrong, otherwise Magnus wouldn’t be looking at him the way he was now if he felt the same.

‘My PTSD affects me quite badly, but Ethan was fine with it, never pushed. Well not much anyway and he never argued with me about it. I think Independence Day weekend was the breaking point.’ Alec stood up, unsure if he could say what he needed to, but he pushed on regardless. Did it matter if Magnus didn’t feel the same way? He’d gotten through worse. ‘He said the PTSD wasn’t the reason though.’

‘Wait, he broke up with you?’ Magnus interrupted, sounding utterly flabbergasted.

Alec felt himself laugh sadly. He often wondered how Ethan had lasted so long. ‘You sound so shocked. But yes.’

‘Why?’ Magnus voice was high pitched and incredulous.

Alec huffed wondering if he wound ever be able to just say it. He was annoyed with his inability to just say it and couldn’t understand why he kept beating around the bush. He needed to treat it like a plaster and just rip it off. ‘That’s what I’m trying to tell you.’

‘Sorry.’ He didn’t sound sorry though.

Alec was quiet as he tried to rally up of his remaining courage and just say the damn words. A large part of him didn’t want to say anything, to keep quiet and continue the friendship they had begun again, but he had never been able to lie to himself for long and never to Magnus. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hide his feeling forever and it would be best to just get it over and done with. He knew he wouldn’t be able to stand it if Magnus pitied him for his feelings, but maybe, just maybe, he might be able to start healing and move on. No matter how much the thought of moving on hurt. Magnus had always been such a big part of his life. He’d been so many of firsts and even now, Alec wanted him to be all of his lasts. Even though he knew that Magnus didn’t, couldn’t feel the same way. ‘Because of the way I looked at you.’

‘What?’ Magnus said and Alec couldn’t tell if he sounded horrified or embarrassed or what. Alec still couldn’t face him even though he was desperate to know what Magnus was thinking, what he was feeling. He prayed he hadn’t just royally fucked up what friendship they had restarted and that they would be able to work through this. Magnus had always been understanding and while he of all people knew that people could change, he didn’t think that Magnus had lost this quality.

‘I know that you’re still in love with Etta. You haven’t dated anyone since her. But I can’t help the way I feel and I don’t think I ever fell out of love with you.’ He felt the words tumble out of his mouth in one go. It was like he suddenly had word vomit and he had to force himself to stop whereas moments ago he was forcing himself to speak. He needed to fix this, he couldn’t let this come between them, become something awkward and then neither of them would know what to say to the other until they eventually just stopped talking. Alec was already regretting being so honest, maybe he should have just left it. And even if it did come out at a later date, he could laugh it off as something else.

‘Alec…’ Magnus started and Alec heard him stand up. His heart clenched as he desperately needed to know what Magnus thought of this. Was he going to push him away or did he think they could get past this? How pathetic did Magnus think he was, still pining after his childhood sweetheart even though they hadn’t spoken or seen each other in thirteen years.

He didn’t want to face him but allowed Magnus to pull him around to look at him. He couldn’t bear it if he saw pity on his face so kept his eyes on the floor. He forced his breathing to calm, breathing in deeply for two beats, holding it for three beats and letting it out for four beats. Two, three, four and repeat.

‘Magnus, I’m sorry.’ Alec began but Magnus never allowed him to finish before he almost lost his balance as he found himself being half pulled and half pushed into Magnus and Magnus’s mouth was suddenly on his. He found himself being desperately kissed and he immediately threw himself into it, matching Magnus’s desperation until Magnus seemed to realise that he wasn’t going anywhere and was holding onto him just as tightly.

Alec could tell the second Magnus relaxed and started to enjoy the kiss, his desperation easing. Part of Alec couldn’t believe his luck, that Magnus actually felt the same way, that he wasn’t alone in this, while the other part was revelling in kissing Magnus. In reacquainting himself with the taste and feel of Magnus, hearing his little moans and whimpers, enjoying the way he seemed to melt into him and pull him closer at the same time.

Alec moved his arms up to wrap around Magnus more securely. He hadn’t thought he would get to have this ever again. He hadn’t ever thought that Magnus might have felt the same as him, that he might once again feel attracted to him and want him back. He knew Magnus had loved Etta and he felt no ill will towards him over it. He just hoped that one day Magnus might love him again, the way he once did.

‘Magnus.’ Alec said breaking the kiss several minutes later. He couldn’t do to Magnus what he had done to Ethan. He loved Magnus too much to do that to him.

‘I didn’t stop dating because of Etta.’ Magnus interrupted making Alec stare at him. Magnus’s words rushed out quickly. ‘It was always you. I never stopped loving you. That’s why I never married Etta or had a family with her. It’s always been you.’

What?’ Alec stared at him bewildered, praying that it was all true as he desperately tried to process everything Magnus had just said. He had never wanted anything so desperately in his life than for what Magnus had just said to be true.

Magnus shrugged, looking surprisingly self-conscious. ‘I’d always thought I would have a family with you one day and when you died.’ Alec snorted and Magnus rolled his eyes, correcting himself. ‘When I thought you were dead, I felt that I didn’t deserve a family, but truthfully, truthfully I don’t think I ever wanted a family with anyone else.’

Alec kissed him again. It was reckless and impatient, but Magnus seemed to be on board with that and Alec lost himself in kissing Magnus once again. He stepped forward as Magnus pulled him into him again, and kept pushing forwards ever so gently as Magnus slowly backed up until he was able to lower them both onto the sofa. He settled himself down pulling Magnus closer and shifted around so that Magnus was snuggled up close and half on top of him as they continued kissing, somehow managing not to break apart and to keep pace as they wrapped themselves around each other. Until he realised that he had never managed to get around to say what he needed to. And while he wanted nothing more than to stay exactly where he was, doing what he was doing, what he needed to say was important.

‘Magnus, being with me isn’t easy.’

‘I don’t care.’ Magnus said and Alec was instantly reminded of how stubborn the man could be. It was a relief that somethings never changed.

‘Magnus you will. You need to listen to me.’ He could hear how breathy his voice was from kissing Magnus and he wasn’t sure he managed to convey the urgency of his statement at all.

Magnus nodded at him. ‘Okay, I’m listening.’

‘My PTSD.’ Alec sighed, he could see in Magnus’s eyes that he knew this was serious and that Alec needed to say it. ‘It’s really bad. I can usually only sleep well with Lily around, otherwise I think I’m back there. Even with Lily, I have episodes, we both do.’

Magnus nodded again. ‘I remember. Independence Day weekend.’

Alec smiled self-deprecatingly. He hadn’t realised just how hard telling Magnus about his failure as a person would actually be until he was finally doing it. ‘That wasn’t all that bad actually.’

Magnus stared at him, his eyebrows raised. ‘That was a good episode?’

Alec shrugged, they never really spoke about the flashbacks much anymore. Unless it was to figure out what had caused it and how to avoid it or how bad the damage actually was. Sometimes they ended up being a running joke. Like the time Jace had to lock himself inside the storage cupboard and they accidently blocked him in for six hours. ‘I wouldn’t call any episode good but it wasn’t long lasting. We snapped out of it pretty easily. That’s why we need each other.’

‘I don’t understand.’ Magnus admitted. Alec was relieved that he was taking this seriously and was giving him his full attention. This wasn’t a subject that was to be easily dismissed or ignored.

 ‘Lily helps me, as I do with her. No one understands it fully. But her voice, her presence seems to calm me. Reassure me. One of our shrinks said it was coz of everything we’d been through together.’ Alec tried to explain. He had never been the best with words and he couldn’t remember all the technical jargon the therapist had used. That was what he had Lily for anyway. But he vaguely remembered the use of the word anchors in relation to him and Lily but he had just wanted to learn the techniques that would help them, then get the hell out of there.

‘When you were…’Magnus trailed off.

‘Captured. Yeah.’ Alec smiled sadly as he finished off Magnus’s sentence. They used to do that a lot back in school. ‘We’re lucky in that it works both ways. I seem to help her the same way. Most people don’t even have that.’

Magnus frowned, looking completely lost. ‘What do you mean?’

‘It’s rare to find a person that can help snap you out of an episode. I know loads of people, all ex-soldiers with PTSD. And none of them have someone whose voice or presence helps brings them out of an episode.’ Alec was trying to remember everything Lily had told him when he kept zoning out or ignoring the therapist. Give the woman her due, she had helped, but Alec had still hated the sessions.

‘So, what do they do?’ Magnus croaked and Alec wondered if it was too much. Would Magnus think he was too much work and change his mind? It wouldn’t be the first time.

Alec shrugged. ‘Ride it out till they realise they’re not there anymore. They do what they have to, to survive.’

‘Is that what you have to do if Lily isn’t around?’

Alec nodded. ‘Only it’s worse coz of how highly trained we were. We could both easily kill someone and not know it.’ He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. ‘Which is the point I’m trying to make. To sleep, I stay with Lily. We brought houses next door to each other and made them connecting. We basically live with each other. Her bedroom is in my side of house and its not uncommon for us to end up in the same bed.’

Magnus frowned. ‘So, does that mean? You and Ethan…?’

Alec smiled, a gently snort interrupting his chuckle. Of course Magnus’s mind would go there. ‘Very rarely slept the entire night through in the same bed.’

‘Oh.’

‘Being with me isn’t easy. I understand if you think it’s too much to deal with. It is too much to deal with.’ Alec told him honestly. The sleeping arrangements was usually the last straw and sent most people running from him as fast as they possibly could. Especially when they realised they couldn’t “fix” him.

‘Alec.’ Magnus said and Alec could hear the pity in his voice. He braced himself for the rejection and forced himself to continue to breathe. Two, three, four. This was what he had expected after all. ‘Alexander.’ Alec shivered at the sound of his full name. He said it just like he used to back in school. Hope seemed to unfurl in his chest against his will.  But he knew first hand just how dangerous hope could be. ‘Nothing about you is too much to deal with for me.’

‘Magnus, you don’t what’s it like. How hard it can be. You may say that now.’ Alec was desperate for Magnus to understand exactly what he was getting into. He wasn’t sure he would be able to handle it if Magnus left him a second time. Although technically, Alec was still unsure if Magnus had even left him a first time.

‘I’ve been told I’m too much.’ Magnus interrupted him. Alec hated the way his words hitched as he said it and there was no guessing just who had told him such utter rubbish. It made him want to dig her up and kill her again.

Alec rolled his eyes. ‘Nothing about you is too much.’

‘So why don’t you believe I feel the same way about you?’ Magnus asked quietly. So quietly that Alec couldn’t help but believe him. He wasn’t the only one with problems, with hang ups, his were just, more dangerous in nature.

He looked at Magnus, really looked at him. He had to make sure he understood exactly what he meant and how serious he was about it. But it seemed that Magnus was, once again, on the same page as him. ‘Okay. Okay. We give this a go, but Magnus.’ He took a deep breath and prayed that Magnus couldn’t see his fear. ‘You have to tell me if it’s getting too much. If my PTSD is becoming too hard to handle.’

Magnus bite his lip before slowly replying. ‘Okay, you have a deal but only if you promise to be upfront with me about your episodes. No making light of them like you did at the cabin. When things get too much, don’t push me away.’

Alec searched his face for any doubts and not finding any he nodded, a relieved smile covering his face. ‘You have yourself a deal.’

‘Well then.’ Magnus grinned at him and Alec’s eyes flicked down to his lips. ‘We need to seal that deal.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Alec asked, inching his face closer so that his breath ghosted over Magnus’s mouth.

‘Yeah.’ Magnus whispered, his eyes drifting closed as Alec gently brushed his lips over Magnus’s before coming back again, a little firmer this time. He traced his hands up his back and felt Magnus shiver and melt into his touch. Magnus groaned and pulled him closer. Alec eagerly complied as Magnus kissed him again and again. For the first time in what felt like thirteen years, Alec felt himself relaxing and just letting go.

 

 

 


	9. Talking it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec talks to Lily, panics that he's upset Magnus and talks to Lily again.

_Talking it out_

 

 

‘So,’ Lily began in what Alec liked to term her prying voice. ‘How did things go with Magnus?’

Alec glared at her, ignoring how smug she looked, but there was no possible way she knew what had happened between him and Magnus. He’d only left him twenty minutes ago and had come straight home. He doubted very much that Magnus would have instantly picked up the phone and called Lily of all people. ‘How the hell do you do that?’

She smirked at him, it did nothing to quell the urge to punch her. ‘Well, it wasn’t like the kiss-bitten lips gave anything away.’

Alec groaned, and rubbed his hand over his face as he threw himself onto the sofa. Never underestimate the power of observation. Especially when it’s Lily doing the observing. ‘Okay fine. You were right. He feels the same way I do.’

He wanted to pretend to be mad at her but couldn’t help the shit eating grin that was doing its damnedest to spread its way across his face. He should have known better than to doubt her powers of observation, but he worked well with facts, and the facts had told him that Magnus had moved on.

The facts had lied.

It wasn’t the first time, he doubted it would be the last time. He should have trusted his instincts, but he’d been wary of getting hurt, thinking his own feelings had been influencing his instincts. Maybe he’d also thought that Lily’s feelings, of wanting a happy ever after for a least one of them, had been influencing her observations. He should have known better. Lily never strayed from the truth, no matter how painful it might be.

She laughed, loud and carefree and happy. This was why he loved her. She was not just happy for him, she was ecstatic for him. And he knew that she would never say “I told you so” or lord it over him that she was right. At least, not in this situation. In work, that was fair play and expected, but romantic relationships? A big no-no.

‘Do I dare ask?’ She asked, wearing her own shit-eating grin, her eyes alight with excitement.

He frowned at her, a foreboding feeling hinting at his chest. He knew they were close and knew everything about each other. But there were still somethings that you didn’t share. And she had never asked about Ethan. ‘Dare ask what?’

She punched his arm and glared at him at the same time for good measure. ‘I do not need to know what Magnus can do with his tongue.’ She crossed her arms, still glaring and Alec knew he had to do some making up. ‘I meant who said what? Did you tell him? Who spoke first?’

Alec stared at her before sighing. He sometimes forgot how similar to Izzy she could be. And how much she loved hearing the details. Suddenly he wished that Magnus had decided to tell her, because at least then he wouldn’t be stuck in this conversation. ‘He asked after Ethan, so I told him everything.’

‘Everything?’ Lily repeated wide eyed and impressed.

Alec rolled his eyes, feeling a smile tugging at the corner at his lips. He’d forgotten this, the butterfly’s he felt recalling the moment as he retold it. The happy uncurling feeling in his chest while he relived the anxiety even though he knew it had ended perfectly. He’d forgotten that while he hated these kinds of talks, they still made him feel good, happy and excited. Not that he would ever admit that. But he was sure that Lily knew. And while she didn’t press for as many details as Izzy would, she still knew how to get him to open up and talk. ‘Yes everything.’

She gave him a blinding smile. ‘You opened up to him.’

Her voice was soft and caring and Alec had no defences when she used that voice on him. She so rarely used it, only when it was something truly important to her and when she knew she was absolutely safe.

Alec nodded and shrugged. ‘It’s hard not to with him.’

She cupped her hand around his cheek, leant forwards and kissed him on his forehead. ‘You love him.’

Alec could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. Not because of her words, but because of her actions. He’d forgotten how much of a mother Lily could be if she wanted. But he never forgot how much she cared. Even though she so rarely showed it with affection, instead choosing to show it with her words, with sarcasm and wit and dry smiles. ‘I thought we had already established that.’

Lily smiled at him warmly. ‘It’s not just that. He’s more than you’re one that got away. He’s your one.’

He sighed and relaxed into the sofa, his limbs feeling like soft and loose, sitting sideways so that he was facing her. How the hell did she manage to pinpoint it so accurately? How did she know the words to use and how to phrase it? He’d never been good with words. He’d never needed to be, except for with Magnus.

‘Yeah.’ He admitted with a nod and what he wished wasn’t such a sappy smile on his face. He was inordinately glad he couldn’t see himself.

‘So,’ Lily said and Alec’s heart leapt knowing that the sappy talk was over. But he knew he wasn’t lucky enough for it to be the end of the conversation. He glanced at her resigned at having to go over everything they’d talked about. But he knew to expect worse when Izzy found out. She would expect a blow by blow account of every single second. With feelings and emotions added in. ‘Did you say anything about Etta?’

Alec nodded feeling the same shit-eating grin again. He was getting better at this, or he just didn’t mind talking about Magnus. He suspected it was the latter. He would be quite happy to spend the rest of his life thinking about Magnus. ‘He said she wasn’t the reason he stopped dating. I was.’

Lily frowned at him. ‘Is that something to be proud of?’

He did punch her this time, but just lightly on the arm. She grinned at him.

‘He said he’d never married her or had a family with her because he’d always imagined it being with me.’ Alec winced and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to betray Magnus confidences to Lily even though he knew she would keep them, but he knew that Magnus would see it as a breach of trust. He doubted Magnus would mind him telling her this, but he didn’t tell her the rest of what Magnus had said to him. He couldn’t tell her that Magnus thought he didn’t deserve happiness or a family with anyone else. If Magnus wanted Lily to know, it would have to come from Magnus.

Lily winced as well, looking pained of his behalf. ‘Damn. You’re not the only one with issues.’ Alec glared at her. ‘So, what’s your plan?’

He blinked at her. ‘Plan?’

‘Yeah.’ Lily nodded. ‘You can’t let him think you’re the only person he deserves happiness with. What happened was not his fault. It was your parent’s bigotry, Camille’s manipulation, and life, the army, bad luck, wrong place wrong time. Whatever you want to call it, but not him.’

‘I’ve told him that.’ Alec defended himself, wondering how she had hit on the truth of the matter easily. He wasn’t sure she even realised that she had. But he had told Magnus that he deserved happiness, as had Izzy and Sebastian. He was pretty sure even all Magnus’s own friends had told him the same as well.

Lily snorted and looked at him fondly. ‘Yeah and how many times do we have to tell each other it’s not our fault for having PTSD?’

Alec winced. He hadn’t viewed it that way. It was easier to blame yourself, and harder to believe others when they told you otherwise. ‘Fair point.’

He would do better, he had to. It was Magnus. He wouldn’t allow Magnus to think that what had happened was his fault, or that being with him was his only chance at happiness. Not that that would stop Alec from being with Magnus. He would just have to think of a way to convince Magnus that he could be happy no matter what happened while somehow managing to convince Magnus that he was worth it. Worth all the trouble and hassle he was about to bring down on Magnus just because Magnus wanted to try being in a relationship with him.

‘Hey Alec?’ Lily’s voice brought him out of his internal panic.

‘Yeah?’ He looked back at her and saw her eyes dancing with mischief. He looked at her warily. If anything could bring him out of an internal panic attack, it was that look on her face.

‘Does anyone else know you two are together?’

‘No.’ He frowned. ‘But it’s not going to be a secret.’

‘Promise me I can be there when you tell Izzy. There is no way I am missing her reaction.’ Lily was virtually bouncing as she vibrated in her seat.

Alec laughed, he could picture it as well and at least with Lily there, she would diffuse the tension, probably make everyone laugh, and keep Alec sane while his sister grilled him over every tiny detail as she demanded to know the exact words that they’d said and facial expressions. ‘I’ll do my best.’

 

 

‘Lily?’ Alec yelled the second the door closed behind him. He hoped she would be home by now. He knew her timetable off by heart, exactly like she knew his, but he couldn’t predict how well her date had gone. How he had stopped himself from calling her on his way home he had no idea. But he had been worried about being overheard and Magnus’s stalker following him, even though he could lose a tail in his sleep. He’d also wanted to replay everything that had happened in case he had royally fucked it up, or rather fucked it up even more. He couldn’t believe he almost ruined it with Magnus before they had even really started. ‘Lily!’

‘What?’ He heard her yell echo up from the basement. The date can’t have gone that well then.

‘We need to throw a family dinner.’ He said the second he spied her, sweaty and breathing heavily in front of the punching bag. He quickly glanced at her hands and was relieved to find them bandaged. She was just practicing. Not an atrocious date then but still, not a good one. It was like she blamed herself for not being able to find a decent love interest after Jack. He knew just how much she feared being in love with the jackass for the rest of her life.

‘Okay?’ She frowned at him bewildered. At least he was taking her mind of her not awful but not good date, and that she saw her love life as a failure.

‘Tomorrow.’

‘Tomorrow?’ She repeated surprised. She crossed her arms and stared at him. ‘What is going on?’

‘I almost screwed up with Magnus. He thinks I want to keep him, us, a secret.’ The words tumbled from his mouth as he wished he had just straight up taken out a billboard announcing their relationship.

Lily smiled wryly at him. ‘Is this because you didn’t shag him in front of me and Sebastian earlier?’

Alec glared at her. Two could play at this game. ‘How did your date go?’

‘Fine. No chemistry.’

Okay, two couldn’t play at this game. Alec raised an eyebrow. ‘Is that why you’re hear pounding the punching bag and not your date?’

Lily grinned at him, her eyes lighting up. ‘I could always pound you?’

He barked a laugh, knowing full well she meant sparing and nothing sexual. However, he could do with an outlet for his worry and it would be good to get Lily’s perspective on how badly he’d fucked up. If he’d fucked up. Magnus hadn’t seemed all that upset when he’d left. But he knew he needed to make it right. ‘Lemme get changed.’

He was back in a few minutes and found she had restocked the water bottles in his absence.

‘So, family dinner?’ Lily asked as they circled each other on the mat.

Alec nodded, keeping his movements lax and fluid, they knew each other too well for this but it still helped spend pent up energy. And distract himself from his maybe fuckup with Magnus. He wasn’t sure anymore.

‘He was worried it would be like it was back in high school, me out to only a few people.’

Lily frowned as she spun into him for a quick attack which he effortlessly defended and allowed her to spin back out again. ‘But you’re not back in high school and you’re out to everyone.’

‘I know. I think he’s worried because I didn’t make it obvious in front of you and Sebastian.’

‘But he knows I know.’

Alec frowned. He did? ‘How?’

Lily smiled smugly and shrugged.

Alec groaned. ‘And Sebastian doesn’t.’

‘Probably why he’s worried.’ Alec took the opportunity to get a few jabs in even though she wasn’t really distracted and easily batted him away.

‘So, who do you want to come to this dinner?’

‘Everyone.’ Alec shrugged wondering why she was making this complicated.

Lily nodded. ‘Cool, I’ll invite the whole company over.’

He glared at her again.

She laughed. ‘Fine, family only. When’s Max back?’

‘Hopefully when this is all over.’ Alec grumbled, knowing she’d know what he meant by it.

Lily nodded. ‘I’ll make him enough for him as well.’

Alec nodded his thanks as they circled each other again, eyes never leaving each other trying to predict the others move. Lily’s smile was pure predatory, he smirked back at her, dropping to the floor and sweeping his foot under her, she jumped and he blocked her punch when he rose.

He grinned. He would make things right with Magnus. Everything would work out. And maybe Magnus knew someone he could set Lily up with.

Lily spun in, and caught him in the side with a sharp jab and a feral smile.

Maybe not.

 

 


	10. Sibling Discussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec, Jace and Izzy have a serious talk about Lily and their parents.
> 
> This is set between chapter 23 and 24 of One Love, so after the family dinner but before talking to the Lightwood parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's a lot more about Lily in this chapter, but it's all from Alec's POV as they are so close. Some of it will come up in One Love but it's not integral to that story. As One Love is from Magnus's POV he won't witness much of it so it's just so that makes sense.
> 
> Also there's a slight spoiler in this chapter but not of anything important. Most of what is discussed we found out in One Love's chapter "Know Your Enemy" except for Lily's back story.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

_Sibling discussions_

 

 

‘I was talking to Lily and Magnus about speaking to our parents.’ Alec said, knowing just how tired he looked. It was something he couldn’t stop thinking about, ever since Max had dropped the bombshell that their parents had not only known, but been friends with the man who had deliberately set up his entire unit to be captured, tortured and killed. He would lie awake in bed for hours thinking about it to the extent that he was starting to believe it was now affecting his sleep, not that he didn’t have a whole list of things that easily affected his sleep. But this was something he could confront. Something he could take charge of and do something about.

He was at work and had asked Izzy and Jace to join him for lunch. As always, Izzy had picked up take away, although the mixture of items she had picked up could have been worse. At least him and Jace could pop out after she’d returned to work or cook something in the kitchen. Apparently she’d found a “ _kitshy_ ” new sandwich shop on her way to their usual place and thought it looked “ _cute_ ”. Alec had no idea what screamed cute about beetroot, cucumber and pickled egg sandwiches served with some fluorescent vegetable he was yet to identify. He was also positive of two other things: he was never asking Izzy to pick up food while pregnant ever again; and that new sandwich shop wouldn’t last the year.

Jace and Izzy stared at him as if he had suddenly sprouted another head. He was pretty sure it was the same look he’d had on his face when presented with his sandwich and veg that could light the way in the dark.

‘I think we need to meet them. Find out what they know.’ He said, forcing himself to focus on why he’d asked them here and not his disappointing lunch. Izzy was harder to read with her pregnancy so he was unsure if he’d be able to get away with not eating it or if he’d have to force it down to prevent a hormonal crying fit. He’d only experienced one so far and never wanted to repeat it ever again. Her crying little hiccups had broken his heart and he found himself promising her to dig up the person who had decided pregnant women couldn’t eat soft cheese just to get her to stop and smile again. At least when she’d been told about caffeine she just been angry. Even if her anger still hadn’t abated and she still glared at anyone drinking coffee. Or tea. Or hot chocolate. Or anything that was in a mug.

‘Where is Lily?’ Izzy asked making him groan internally. Alec wasn’t sure if Izzy just didn’t want to discuss this or was buying herself time. But she’d just opened a can of worms with one simple question.

‘Being an idiot.’ Alec huffed. Hoping that for once they would leave it at that.

‘What?’ Izzy asked alarmed. No one had to tell Alec how rare it was for him to get annoyed at Lily. Actually, he got annoyed with her all the time, but it never lasted. And he knew his annoyance was rooted in his concern and worry for her. She was going to get hurt. He knew it. She knew it. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t continue anyway.

‘Jack’s business has had some security breaches. They asked our company for help and Lily convinced me to take them on.’ He didn’t need to explain who Jack was. They all new about Lily’s ex and that he was the reason she had joined the army. Well, a big part of the reason why she had joined the army.

Izzy pursed her lips in annoyance, her jaw tensing. ‘Which wife is he on now?’

Izzy and Jace knew everything about Lily and Jack. Although none of them had met him. Even Sebastian and Max knew the story. Lily wasn’t embarrassed about how she had fallen for an arsehole, she was just didn’t like thinking about him or her childhood, or the first twenty years of her life. And talking about him, meant she had to think about him. It was Izzy who had suggested that Lily do some sort of counselling course when therapy hadn’t worked. It had taken a lot of persuasion for Lily to finally agree, the clincher for it being good for her career as she had picked a course in psychology rather than counselling. But it still had the desired effect as she read around the subject and delved into the art of healing the mind.

Alec huffed, stretching his fingers out so he didn’t punch something. ‘Still the third.’

‘Not divorced her yet?’ Izzy asked snidely, her tone ice cold. Izzy had been the one to settle in New York first, quickly followed by Jace when he got into the FBI. When Alec and Lily had been discharged, Lily had at first refused and Izzy had taken it personally. Lily hadn’t ever bothered looking Jack up, but Izzy had. Alec still swore that Izzy’s dossier of him had helped convince Lily into moving and staying with them. And not because of what it contained on him, he wasn’t sure that Lily had ever even opened it, but because it made Lily feel like family.

‘Yet being the operative word.’ Alec sighed. ‘They’ve both seen divorce lawyers, it’s on the cards.’

‘Lily know this?’

Alec shrugged, rubbing his eyes, wondering if he could distract her enough to hide half his sandwich. ‘I found out this morning so I’m sure she does by now.’

Izzy snorted. ‘Well this one lasted the longest.’

While Lily might not look up the man who crushed her heart into smithereens, it didn’t mean they didn’t. Sometimes it paid to stay ahead of the game.

‘Any more kids?’ Jace asked begrudgingly with a sigh, as if simply asking the question was a betrayal to Lily.

Alec shook his head. ‘Just the two.’

‘Does he know he’s hired her company?’

Alec shrugged. ‘Don’t think so. They haven’t come face to face yet.’

Jace frowned and Alec knew he’d heard something in his voice. Something never asked but silently thought about. ‘On this case you mean?’

Alec shook his head. ‘At all. I don’t know if he even realises she’s here in the city.’

Izzy stared at him. ‘You are joking?’

He shook his head.

‘I know she didn’t want to come here, because of him, when you guys got discharged.’ Jace said slowly. ‘Because he was here, still is here, but I thought she’d gotten past that.’

Alec huffed. He tried to glare angrily but was pretty sure his expression was just one of sadness. ‘No. She didn’t.’

‘She still loves him.’ Izzy whispered horrified, meeting his eyes.

Alec huffed, realising that his appetite was gone. ‘She says she does.’

‘Shit.’

‘So, she’s avoided him?’

‘No.’ Alec shook his head. ‘She refuses to do that. You know how stubborn she is. They’re paths just haven’t crossed.’

‘Do you think she still loves him?’ Izzy asked him shrewdly. Too shrewdly. This was a conversation he’d been avoiding having with Lily since she’d asked him, or rather informed him, that he was taking on this case.

‘I think she believes she does.’ Alec said slowly, remembering his conversations with her about Magnus, when he thought Magnus had moved on. It wasn’t often they spoke about their pasts. But the way Lily had said she still loved Jack and had sounded so sad as she had said it. He was a prime example of not being able to fall out of love with someone, and still being able to live life, to carry on another relationship. But she never had, she never had serious relationships. A part of Alec wondered if she did, how she would then feel about him.

Jace frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

‘She desperately wants to move on from him.’ Alec shrugged. ‘I think she’s stuck in a rut.’

‘You don’t think she’s allowing herself to move on?’ Izzy cottoned on quickly.

Alec sighed. ‘Honestly? I don’t know. She’s the one who does all the shrinky mojo shit and comes up with all the scarily accurate stuff.’

‘So, where is she?’ Jace frowned. ‘If you’re the one dealing with them?’

‘Snooping.’ Alec sighed. He knew she’d have seen this as an excuse to catch up on the details of Jack’s life since he’d left her to make his fortune in the big city. She’d have done that the second Aline would have handed her the file on Jack’s company. Now she was probably investigating the stock market company he had started with his friend. Alec had to admit, the man was good at what he did. He not only did he make other people a lot money, but he made himself a lot of money as well.

‘Is that a good idea?’ Jace practically growled. Alec wasn’t the only one protective of her.

‘This is Lily.’ Alec answered, glowering into his glass of water. If he thought he could get away with it, he would have run Jack out of this city years ago, but he knew that Lily would be furious with him if he did.

He fell silent and watched his siblings for a moment. He breathed a sigh of relief as Izzy, having finished her own disgusting sandwich, slid Alec’s over in front of her and started to happily munch on that one. Alec felt his stomach turn and swallowed queasily.

As expected, Jace broke the silence first, changing the subject. He’d never been good with seriously discussing other people’s love lives, teasing them however, he was a pro at. ‘Do you really think they’d tell us anything?’

Alec shrugged. ‘Lily does. I’m… optimistic.’

‘I thought you’d planned to catch that bastard in a few days’ time?’ Izzy asked, her voice carefully emotionless. But he could see how she had mushed his sandwich in her hands as a couple pieces of cucumber stained with beetroot fell out. ‘Mom and Dad won’t drop anything to come speak to us.’

‘What exactly did Max find out? He said they knew him but not the details?’ Jace asked surprising Alec with his insightfulness.

‘They’d met in college. Valentine married a girl called Jocelyn Fairchild, he’d gone to school with her. He enrolled straight after college but they kept in touch. Emails and phone records prove that much.’

‘For how long?’

Alec shrugged. ‘Max said till we were a couple years old. So, doing the math a few years.’

‘Were they close?’

‘Max thinks they were at college, they had some classes together, then the friendship fizzled out once they had kids. There’s a record of Valentine Morgenstern and his wife having a son. He was called Jonathan, Max found a police record filed by his mother that he went missing but turned up with his father a couple weeks later, then nothing.’

‘What do you mean nothing?’ Izzy frowned, half shaking her head.

‘Max couldn’t find anything more about the kid after that, no school records, vaccinations, nothing. And Jocelyn Fairchild dropped off the face of the earth a couple years after that.’

‘And what are you hoping that mom and dad know?’ Izzy asked glaring at the remains of the sandwich on her paper plate. She angrily shoved a piece of purple cucumber into her mouth.

‘Honestly? I don’t know. But I don’t think we should pass up this opportunity to find out.’ Alec sighed. ‘I don’t know if I can. If it helps Magnus…’ He trailed off.

Izzy smiled sadly. ‘Some things never change.’

‘What do you mean?’ Alec said frowning at her fond tone.

‘You’ve always been willing to move heaven and earth if it means helping Magnus.’ The sadness dropped from her face but not her eyes as she teased him.

Alec met her smile with one of his. When it came to him, his sister was always right. Some things never did change. ‘Even meet with the devil himself.’

‘Close, but I’m not sure Maryse and Robert are quite as bad the devil.’ Jace joked.

‘But I’m still willing to talk to them.’ Alec sighed as he leant back in his seat, feeling the tension build in his shoulders just at the thought of seeing them again, speaking to them again. ‘I just don’t know if they’ll talk to me.’

‘I think they will.’ Jace said quietly, as he picked at table. His jaw was set and he was staring determinedly at the destruction he was wreaking on the wooden table. ‘I saw them after you refused to speak to them.’

Alec winced. He didn’t remember that time well, but remembered Izzy telling him they were there, wanted to see him, speak to him. Most of his time in the military hospital was a blur, the only things that stood out was Isabelle screaming, the pain and the feel of his family’s hands calming him down. He could remember the pristine and sterile white clinical walls. The bullet proof glass windows, the nurses and the relief as the morphine kicked in. Which was only drowned out by the relief of being able to walk out of there with Lily hand in hand several months later.

‘Why on earth would you do that?’ Izzy asked incredulously.

Jace scrunched his nose. ‘I wanted the opportunity to tell them exactly what I thought of them. It was the last time I spoke to them.’

Alec nodded, as did Izzy. While he didn’t blame his parents for his capture and everything that followed, he knew his siblings did. He placed the blame firmly on Valentine’s Morgenstern’s shoulders, but Izzy and Jace believed that his parents needed to share that blame as they were one’s to force him into service.

‘Same here.’ Izzy whispered. ‘And I don’t think I can speak to them again. Not yet. I don’t know if I can even face them, not after this.’

Alec reached out and took her hand. Jace following suit. He didn’t know if his parents knew anything or not and he hated putting Jace and Izzy through this. Especially with Izzy’s pregnancy, but he couldn’t keep something like from her. Not something this important. The stress she was feeling now would be nothing compared to the stress she’d put herself through if she found out later. He would do anything he could to protect them, but he also needed to protect Magnus.

‘I don’t know if I can either.’ Jace said hoarsely, swallowing loudly. Alec glanced at him, surprised to see his stoic brother blinking back tears. ‘I’m worried that they did something to Valentine to make him target you.’

He glanced at Jace again and saw him desperately swallowing. Sighing he stood up and pulled him into a hug unsurprised when Jace gripped him tightly and buried his face in his shirt. Alec found himself blinking back tears when he felt Izzy come around and wrap her arms around the pair of them. She rested her head gently on Alec’s bicep as her hands gave them both a reassuring squeeze.

‘I didn’t think of that.’ Alec admitted quietly, keeping his arms wrapped around Jace. ‘But if they did, that’s in the past. And any information on him, might help. It could alter how we go into this meet.’

‘I know.’ They both said, Jace’s voice muffled by his shirt.

‘Are you seriously going to be able to speak to them?’ Izzy asked him, tightening her grip on them.

‘I have to try.’ Alec said taking strength from her tight grip. He honestly wasn’t sure if he could. He knew he wouldn’t be able to face them alone otherwise he would definitely end up doing something he might regret, no matter how satisfying it would be at the time. ‘Lily has offered to speak to them for me.’

‘Holy shit, they’ll come out in body bags.’ Jace said looking up at Alec in surprise. Alec ignored the slight look of hope in his brothers’ eyes as they disentangled from the hug.

‘She’ll torture them first if it turns out Valentine chose your unit because of something mom and dad did.’ Izzy said dryly, but she was smiling as she took his hand.

‘Which is why I’ll be with her.’ Alec said quietly, unable to look either of them in the eyes. He knew what that time had done to his siblings. It wasn’t just him and Lily who had been affected. His worst nightmares where the ones when he remembered Izzy’s screams when she had first seen him and he’d panicked when she’d tried to hug him.

‘Is that wise?’ Izzy asked after a moment.

Alec shook his head. ‘Probably not but I’m going to ask Magnus to be there as well.’

‘Good. He’ll ground you.’ Izzy breathed out noisily. ‘I can’t be there, but I want to know what happens. What they say.’

Alec nodded. ‘All the rooms have security cameras and microphones.’

‘Then we’ll be watching.’ Jace agreed. ‘But I don’t want to even see them.’

‘They won’t know you’re there.’ Alec agreed. He hesitated, wondering how to bring it up. He knew talking about their parents wasn’t high on their likes. ‘Also…’

‘What?’ Izzy demanded instantly. He winced as he saw the fear written clearly over her face.

‘In Max’s thoroughness, he also checked out our parents.’ Alec admitted breathing out hurriedly.

‘And?’ Jace asked with a frown.

‘Just before I came back.’ Alec took a deep breath. He had no idea how they would take this. ‘Our parents separated.’

‘What?’ Izzy blinked looking confused. He knew she was doing the math. It was just after they had agreed to let Max stay with her indefinitely. So, he wasn’t surprised that she knew nothing about it. She wasn’t speaking to them, only communicating via email what she absolutely had to. She’d hadn’t held back in her feelings that they were to blame for his apparent death.

‘Dad moved out. For over a year. Almost two.’ Alec told them quietly. He wasn’t sure how he even felt about it. The news hadn’t actually fazed him, when Max had told him it felt like they’d been talking about two complete strangers, not his parents. He hadn’t even felt idle curiosity over why they’d split or even gotten back together a couple years later.

‘They were separated when they came and asked to see you?’ Izzy asked blankly.

Alec pulled her into his embrace and kissed her head. He nodded as she rested against him for a moment.

Jace stared at him. ‘Are they still separated?’

Alec shook his head then shrugged. ‘He doesn’t think so. Dad moved back in with mom two years later. But Max said he wasn’t monogamous.’

‘Holy shit.’ Jace breathed.

Izzy still hadn’t said anything.

‘One nights stand or,’ Jace took a breath. ‘a girlfriend?’

‘Max thinks a girlfriend. He couldn’t tell when it had started but he thinks it was after the separation.’

‘What does this mean?’ Izzy finally asked, her eyes large as she stared at Alec.

‘I don’t know.’ Alec told her honestly. ‘They never divorced, or filed for divorce, there’s nothing official or any documentation on why they separated. Max doesn’t know, they never said anything to him.’

‘Nor me.’ Izzy said woodenly, then shrugged. ‘Not that I was really talking to them.’

‘Same here.’ Jace said, looking as if someone had just whacked him over the head with a two by four.

Alec tried to smile but he knew it came out as more of grimace. Even though the conversation hadn’t been as bad as it could have gone. With Izzy’s hormones all over the place due to her pregnancy, Alec had prepared for screaming fits or bouts of hysterical crying. Calm and reasonable had been a best-case scenario. He certainly hadn’t expected Jace to the more emotional one out of the two.

He hid his smile when Jace breathed out in relief as Izzy stole his untouched sandwich.

 

 

Alec watched as Lily walked in just as he was about to give up on waiting for her and go to bed. He raised an eyebrow as she promptly downed three shots of tequila.

‘Soooo, how’d it go?’

Lily turned to him, her eyes blank, but thankfully not dead. She looked pale and tired, large bags under her eyes which were slightly blood shot. He wondered if she’d been crying. ‘Turns out I’ve met Jack’s business partner before.’

‘Longford? Edward Longford?’ Alec asked, momentarily struggling to find his name. Not the opening he’d been expecting. He hadn’t recognised Longford or had dealings with him in the past so this certainly surprised him.

Lily nodded. ‘I slept with him a few years ago.’

‘And you remember?’ Alec asked astonished. That was not like Lily. She very rarely spoke about any of her hook-ups, seemingly forgetting about them as soon as it was over. They were usually only brought up on drunken nights when prying tongues were loosened.

Lily winced and Alec had to bit his tongue to stop himself from smiling. Maybe Lily’s rut was coming to an end.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also the luminous veg is a real thing, I can't remember what veg they were (possibly pickled turnip), it was in a Lebanese restaurant and they were lovely! They were bright orange.


	11. The Break-In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set at the same time as Chapter 25 - The sleepover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't know if you guys have noticed but I've figured out the chapter count of One Love and it is 36, so there's only 6 more chapters to come in that one. Which is why I thought I'd get this one out a week early. (I know I said I didn't have a schedule for posting this but it seems to happen every two weeks!) 
> 
> Still not sure how many chapters from Alec's POV to come but there is definitely a couple more.
> 
> And there are no spoilers in this chapter for One Love.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! <3

_The Attempted Break-In_

 

 

Alec had his eyes on the door of the coffee shop and saw the moment Adam Whitelaw walked briskly into Java Jones, saw him and Lily at one of the tables, and headed straight over. His posture and the way his eyes scanned the coffee shop and surreptitiously clocked each person present showed that he still utilised the skills he had learnt in the military, even if his current job required a lot of those skills.

‘Sorry I’m late.’ Adam sighed, sitting down and rubbing his eyes tiredly. Alec could easily guess that the reason for this meeting had to with whatever job Adam was currently working; and it looked to be kicking his arse. Alec quickly ran an critical eye over the man, wondering how far off of retirement he was and if he would even consider it.

Lily smiled at him and pushed over the coffee she had ready and waiting for him. He smiled in gratitude, promptly taking a massive gulp. Lily may be many things, but she had never grown out of respecting her elders, especially those elders who had not only proven themselves worthy of respect, but when she held a soft spot for them as well. Not that Lily would ever admit to having a soft spot for anyone. Maybe Alec and his family, but only under duress.

‘Everything okay?’ Alec asked. It wasn’t like Adam to ask them to meet like this, in fact they had only met a few times. And each of those meeting had been in normal daytime hours.

Adam’s niece and adopted daughter Rachel had been in the army as well, followed in her old man’s footsteps. But her unit had been ambushed, the news of her death had crushed him and he had left the army. He’d heard through his old army buddies a few years later, that her unit was one of the units later believed to be ambushed and killed on Valentine’s orders. He’d tracked Alec and Lily down to find out what he could. They hadn’t been able to tell him much and part of Alec wondered at the timing of this meeting. But he was hopeful that soon they might be able to give him some closure.

‘Yeah, this damn client of mine is driving me nuts.’ He sighed. Alec could see the bags under his eyes, he’d never thought of exhaustion as a cologne before but it seemed to cling to the older man.

Alec grinned at him and half shrugged wondering why Adam had expected anything different. ‘Well, you are a bodyguard.’

Adam glared at him. ‘Her security is abysmal.’

‘We can help you out there.’ Lily grinned at him as she lazed back in her chair, watching him carefully.

‘Thanks. I was hoping you would.’ They could both hear the relief in his voice. ‘It’s taken me ages even to get her to agree to it.’

‘Tell us where and when and we’ll send someone over.’ Alec agreed.

‘However, that doesn’t really explain the night time meet.’ Lily said, delicately sipping her black unsweetened coffee.

‘Only time I could make, and, well,’ Adam hedged, wincing apologetically. ‘I had heard you were branching out into the bodyguard business.’

‘Where did you hear that?’ Alec was unable to hold back a chuckle. Adam’s expression made it clear that he didn’t think they were encroaching on his territory or livelihood but that for some reason, he was actually pleased about it.

‘A little birdy told me Magnus Bane has your protection.’

Alec huffed wondering where he had heard that. It wasn’t like they’d been keeping it a secret, but they didn’t go advertising who their clients were. ‘It’s a little more complicated than that.’

‘Oh really?’ Adam grinned. ‘Because from what I hear it’s just a stalker case.’

Alec glared at him, hoping he would be willing to give up his source. But for all he knew, Adam could quite easily know someone who was a friend of Magnus’s.

Lily leaned forward, her smile almost enveloping her entire face. ‘Yeah but Alec doesn’t like it when someone stalks his boyfriend.’

Adam’s face fell for a second then immediately perked up. ‘Boyfriend? Your dating Magnus Bane?’

Alec glared at Lily and opened his mouth to answer when both their phones suddenly started beeping insistently. They both knew that alarm; it was the one to alert them when one of their security systems was being broken into.

Alec grabbed his phone and swore when he saw it was Magnus’s loft. He was already half out the coffee shop when he heard Lily shouting from just behind them that they had to go. They weren’t too far from Magnus’ loft, Java Jace was closer to his loft then their apartment and Alec could have kissed Adam for picking it.

He ran down the street, knowing it would be quicker than trying to take the subway, hearing Lily’s footsteps right beside him. Her height had never affected her ability to keep up with his long stride. Luckily the few people that they did come across got out of their way extremely quickly and they only had to dodge one drunken couple who didn’t seem to notice them.

His breath was coming in gasps as he ran, but it wasn’t from the exertion, he was too worried about Magnus. What if whoever was trying to break in managed to before he could get there? He knew his security system was the best and it was doubtful that anyone could bypass it; but that didn’t mean it was impossible. And it was Magnus. He’d only just got him back. It only felt like yesterday that’d they confessed their feelings and kissed. This was the love of his life, who he hadn’t even had a chance to tell him he loved him yet. Not properly. Not the way that Magnus deserved.

He punched in the code to building, cursing how long it was taking, his breathing heavy and almost pulled the door off its hinges as he yanked it open and raced up the stairs. There was no way he could possibly wait for the elevator. He could hear Lily hot on his heals as they both crashed through the door to Magnus’s landing, ready and alert to take on anything. Alec internally cursed himself for being too wound up to get his concealed gun out of its holster but saw with relief that Lily was more prepared than him.

An Asian man, around their age, turned to them in surprise from where he was fiddling with the lock on Magnus’s door. He had a look of horror on his face as Alec lunged for him.  Part of Alec had recognised that the man didn’t have a gun or weapon of any kind, but the other part of him was too wound up and racing on adrenaline to care.

The man’s head bounced off of Magnus’s door, the sound sending a wave of satisfaction flowing through him but didn’t dampen the anger he felt at this man trying to break into Magnus’s loft. The man crumpled to the floor and when he made no attempt to get up, Alec left him to Lily’s capable hands and banged his fist on Magnus’s door as he tried to catch his breath.

He knew Magnus would be awake. He could hear the alarm going off inside and he knew that Sebastian had dropped Magnus off at home that night, and that he had no plans to leave or go out anywhere. He waited a moment but there was no reply.

‘Magnus!’ He shouted, hearing the worry creeping into his voice. The man hadn’t breached the system and the door was still locked tight so what was keeping Magnus from answering the door? He banged again, feeling his desperation and heart rate rocket. ‘Magnus!’

His phone started buzzing and he pulled it out of his pocket, almost fumbling as he hurried to answer Sebastian’s call.

‘Seb, I’m outside Magnus’s apartment but he’s not answering.’ He breathed deeply trying to calm his panic, knowing that it had leached out into his voice. He didn’t care, he needed Magnus, needed to see him with his own eyes and hold him to make sure he was okay.

‘He’s alright, I’m on the phone to him.’ Sebastian said quickly and Alec sagged against the wall in relief. ‘I’ll tell him it’s you, he doesn’t know it’s you on the other side.’

‘I’m with Lily, we’ve got the guy.’

‘Good.’ Sebastian hung up and Alec looked at Lily. She was calmly sitting next the unconscious man who didn’t even have a speck of blood of him. The man had hurt Magnus, had tried to break into his apartment and do God knows what to him; Alec wouldn’t have minded a lot more blood. In fact, he was pretty sure he’d have preferred it.

‘He’s fine.’ Alec told her, then leaned into the door wondering again what was taking so long. ‘Magnus?’ Surely Seb had told him by now? He stood up as he heard the sound of the door being unlocked and suddenly there stood Magnus, phone held up to ear and looking a little paler than usual.

Alec stepped into the loft, pulling Magnus into him as he ran his hands all over his boyfriend, checking he was okay, that he hadn’t been harmed. Mentally, he knew that he hadn’t, they caught the intruder before he could get in and he was now lying out in the hallway with Lily watching over him. But his heart was pounding and the adrenaline still hadn’t stopped and he just needed to be certain that his Magnus was okay. Belatedly he realised that Magnus was shaking and he cupped his hands around Magnus’s face, raising it so he was could see his eyes. His eyes were always so expressive and Alec swore that he could spend the rest of his life staring into them.

He couldn’t bear seeing Magnus like this and was more than ready to go back into the hallway and rip that man’s head off. But Magnus needed him and Magnus came first. ‘Magnus, are you okay?’

 

 

 

Alec woke up gasping for breath feeling the adrenaline running through him. He could feel the tremors hitting his body and knew his hands were shaking. He struggled to control his breathing and desperately forced himself to take in a long deep breath and let it out slowly.

‘Oh good. You’re awake.’ Lily was eye level with him, smiling sweetly. Too sweetly. His eyes glanced around the strange darkened room in confusion before he remembered he was at Magnus’s house. In Magnus’s bedroom, in his bed, with him. He went to turn to face Magnus but Lily’s voice stopped him.

‘He’s still asleep.’ She whispered quietly. He sighed as that whisper told him more than just the fact that Magnus was asleep. His entire body relaxed, almost going limp as his eyes fluttered closed in relief. He hadn’t hurt him. That was the most important thing. He hadn’t had a flashback, flipped out, thought he was back in the war and attacked his boyfriend. Magnus was safe, unharmed and sleeping peacefully beside him. Well, as peaceful as someone who had just had their stalker attempt to break in could sleep.

He could still feel the remnants of his dream and he tensed again. ‘Shit.’

‘This tension and worry that you’re feeling?’ Lily whispered, but her voice was serious. Alec looked over to her, giving her his complete attention. ‘It feels different doesn’t it?’

He narrowed his eyes at her, questioning. Sometimes her powers of observation and being able to read him like a book were more than just annoying. Sometimes they were downright irritating.

She smiled, it wasn’t teasing or serious, but a genuine love filled smile, and all his annoyance with her rushed out of him leaving him feeling like he’d just a marathon. ‘I don’t think it’s yours. You’ve never worried about a B and E before. Especially an unsuccessful one. Unless we were the ones breaking and entering.’

He glared at her. She was right. He hadn’t. and they hadn’t committed an unsuccessful B and E for years, they were too good at their job. Although to be fair, they hadn’t had to break into anywhere for years. ‘What do you mean?’

‘You’re picking up on Magnus’s stress.’

Alec rolled his eyes, feeling his anger rise. ‘Of course I am. That man tried to break into his apartment. He has a stalker sending him creepy letters and pictures of himself!’

Lily bit her lip, probably to stop herself from laughing and waking Magnus. Alec appreciated it, Magnus needed his rest. Even if he didn’t appreciate Lily laughing at him.

‘But he’s fine. You know he’s fine, he fell asleep in your arms. His apartment has the best security system going. Our security system. And us and Sebastian with him, protecting him.’

Alec knew that, he did. But he couldn’t see her point. ‘Where are you going with this?’

‘This stress and tension that your feeling? It isn’t yours. It’s Magnus’s. Your picking up on his feelings and emotions and confusing them with your own.’

Alec frowned but thought it through. He would never normally be worried about something like this. Lily was right about that. And he had, on many previous occasions, where clients had had attempted break-ins, left them alone in their homes after he had assured them and himself that they were safe. So why was he now stressed out to the point he had almost given himself another episode? If Lily hadn’t been here with him to pull him from his nightmare, there was little chance of it not ending up in a flashback. Little chance of him not attacking Magnus and hurting him; but a very high chance of him putting Magnus in the hospital.

‘You’re right.’ He whispered hoarsely. He was picking up on Magnus’s emotions and feelings, and confusing them with his own. He had never done that before. Never been so worried about someone else before that it set him off. That it triggered a nightmare or flashback.

Lily rolled her eyes and grinned at him. ‘Of course I’m right.’

He met her gaze. How was she pleased about this? This was bad. If he kept on doing this, there would be some seriously bad consequences for them to deal with. ‘So why are you not telling me to back off? To give myself room and space?’

She huffed sadly. ‘While you do like sacrificing yourself, Magnus is good for you. Emotions aren’t all bad, you know? And anyway, I’ve seen the way he looks at you.’

Alec felt his breath catch. He easily ignored most of what she said knowing she would bring it back up later, and concentrated on the one thing that made his heart hitch. ‘How does he look at me?’

Lily smiled at him as she settled back down and closed her eyes. ‘Like you hung the moon.’

Alec settled down next to her, wondering if he could wrap an arm around Magnus without disturbing his sleep. The last thing he wanted to do was wake him up, even with the warm happy feeling that was spreading through his chest.

‘Lily?’ He asked after several minutes, it was doubtful he would be falling back to sleep any time soon. And he knew she was still awake. He knew her breathing patterns and she was not asleep, maybe dozing but definitely not asleep.

‘Yeah?’

‘I’m scared.’ He admitted, his whisper quieter than normal but he knew she would hear him. It wasn’t an easy thing to say, or think or admit for him. He was used to being the protector and now he felt like he was failing. And keeping Magnus safe was not something he could ever fail at.

‘Normal reaction to when a loved one is placed in danger or even perceived danger.’ Lily whispered back at the same volume. ‘And I’d be worried if you weren’t.’

‘Thanks Lily.’ The relief he felt was tinged with worry but he felt a small smile tug at his lips at her words.

‘Always. And at least he doesn’t fidget in his sleep.’ Lily whispered wryly. Alec bit his lip to stop his snort as just then Magnus moved, cuddling closer to Alec. ‘Well, not much anyway.’

Alec did snort then, stretching an arm out above Magnus and allowing him to cuddle into his side as he wrapped his arm around his shoulders. Pleased to know that he could wrap Magnus up in his arms without disturbing his sleep. Although he was surprised that after the events of the evening, him and Lily could have a whispered conversation without disturbing him. It made him wonder just how much sleep Magnus was getting because he obviously wasn’t getting enough. But if Magnus could sleep better with him around, then he wouldn’t be letting him sleep alone again.

‘Funny isn’t it?’ Lily mused pulling him from his thoughts.

‘What is?’

‘That the first time you spend the entire night with your new boyfriend, I do as well.’

Alec huffed a chuckle. ‘You mean how you never spent a night with Ethan but within a few weeks we have with Magnus.’

He had noticed, almost instantly, how different Lily was around Magnus, then how she had been around Ethan. She accepted Magnus, included him and visited him. He knew she had liked and gotten on well with Ethan, but it was more with Magnus. It was like she had been waiting for Ethan to leave, but with Magnus, knew that they were both in it for the long haul, that he wasn’t going anywhere.

‘Well I wasn’t going to bring Ethan up, but yes.’ Lily smiled at him. ‘What you have with Magnus is completely different to what you had with Ethan.’

Alec nodded, staring up at the ceiling. He felt so much more with Magnus that it felt wrong comparing the two relationships. There just wasn’t any competition. ‘It is, isn’t it.’

‘There really was no competition.’ Lily teased, voicing his thoughts. Alec didn’t even have to look at her to know she was grinning madly at him.

‘You know, I don’t really like talking about Ethan when I’m in bed with Magnus.’ Alec replied but he couldn’t help the smile as he glanced down at Magnus sleeping with his face smushed into Alec’s chest.

‘Understandable.’ Lily said softly closing her eyes as she used her elbow as an added pillow under her actual pillow. ‘You’re better with him.’

‘What do you mean?’ Alec queried. He had been feeling better, with the exception of tonight; he had been feeling more relaxed, more content with life. He’d found himself smiling for no reason he could discern, apart from the fact that he had been thinking about Magnus. Sometimes, okay most of the time, he still found it hard to believe how full circle his life had ended up. That not only had Magnus come back into his life, but that he still loved him. That Magnus Bane: vibrant, gorgeous, glittery and so full of life; loved him and wanted him.

She yawned. ‘You’re calmer, more relaxed.’

He snorted. ‘Says the woman who just had to wake me from a nightmare before I tried to kill him.’

Lily opened one disdainful eye at him. ‘Stop being so pessimistic. I thought we’d already covered why you had that nightmare.’

Unwillingly, he smiled wryly. ‘We did.’

‘So, give yourself time. You need to get used to this relationship.’ Lily snuggled back into her pillow. ‘It isn’t going to be laughter and roses all the time. PTSD doesn’t give a shit that the stress your feeling isn’t your own. And once this settles down, you settle down, so will the nightmares. You know the drill.’

He nodded, he did know the drill. They all did, everyone close to him in his life did. ‘Find the trigger, avoid the trigger.’ He recited.

‘Exactly.’ She murmured. ‘We’ll sort out this crap with his stalker and the Morgenstern’s. Trigger sorted.’

‘Stop being so wise.’ Alec grumbled at her, kissing the top of Magnus’s head as his hand wound its way around Alec’s chest and Magnus almost pulled himself on top of him in his sleep.

 They both knew it wasn’t quite as simple at that. But Lily was right in that it would take away a lot of the added stress, then they could at least go from there. One step at a time. And Alec prayed that Magnus would still want to give him, them and their relationship, a go. He didn’t think he could handle losing Magnus a second time. He almost hadn’t handled it the first time.

‘Stop thinking.’ Lily groaned in frustration. ‘Whatever you are panicking about now, just stop. We will find his stalker and deal with them. We will catch Valentine Morgenstern and deal with him. Which will hopefully include some sort of torture and death for him. Magnus loves you. You love him. He is fine. You haven’t hurt him. You have me, Izzy, Jace, Max and Sebastian. Even Clary and Simon. Jack is still a wanker. I am still fine, and haven’t done anything stupid. Everything is fine. _Now go to slee_ p!’

Alec’s lips twitched into a smile at her final exasperated moan as she covered every thing she thought that could possibly be bothering him. It was times like these that she showed him just how much he loved and needed her. ‘Thanks Lily.’

‘You’re welcome. Now shut up.’

He closed his eyes, a smile still on his face as Magnus grunted in his sleep and Alec pulled him just a tiny bit closer.

 

 

 


	12. Resolution and Sibling Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec deals with the aftermath of Valentine's death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is set straight after chapter 26 in One Love and before chapter 27.

_Resolution and Sibling Bonding_

 

 

‘Jace, you okay?’ Alec asked his brother quietly, they were stuck in some office in Magnus’ building. One floor up from where the actual fight had taken place and where Jace had killed Valentine Morgenstern.

Alec wasn’t upset that the man was dead, but he was worried, and with good reason. They were meant to capture the man, not kill him. Jace was no longer military, no longer FBI, meaning he no longer had their protection. And while Alec would do everything he could to protect his brother, they were both civilians now, and they answered to civilian law. But Alec wasn’t above pulling in every single favour he could to protect Jace. After all, Jace had protected him and killed the man who had literally had him tortured for months and was the root cause of his PTSD.

‘Course man.’ Jace grinned at him and it was only because Alec knew him so well that he could tell he was deflecting. He was putting on a face, like he had most of his life. But currently it was just the two of them, and Jace didn’t have to act the big man.

‘You killed a man.’

Jace shrugged casually, and while he might be able to fool many people with his cavalier attitude, he had never fooled Alec. ‘He deserved it.’

‘He did.’ Alec agreed, still watching his brother carefully.

Personally, Alec thought that a quick death was too good for Valentine. He would have much rather make the man suffer and scream first, for a long time, before doing the world a favour and killing him. Alec wasn’t the only man Valentine had tried to break. But he and Lily were the only ones to survive. There were plenty of people out there, families of those who hadn’t made it, that would want him to suffer and would be relieved to hear of this man’s death.

‘And I’ve killed before.’ Jace pointed out unnecessarily.

‘It’s always been your job before.’

Killing someone as a civilian was different to killing someone in the military, or even with the FBI. Although Jace had never had to kill anyone while he was with the FBI. The military however; they had both killed in the military, it was the job and they had been bloody good at it. But, in the military, while the lines could blur sometimes, especially with insurgents using children, it was slightly easier. You had orders, and the military, as long as they had approved your orders, had your back. Jace knew this, but for some reason, even though they were alone, he was still trying to save face.

‘And this time it was personal.’ Jace shrugged again, his voice blasé but Alec could see the tightness in his jaw and the slight shake of his hands as he clenched them at his sides.

‘Exactly.’ Alec told him and saw the moment it hit Jace that Alec wasn’t going to let this go. His shoulders slumped and he suddenly looked haggard and tired.

‘He deserved it.’ Jace repeated, more forcefully this time, as if trying to convince himself of it. Which Alec found ironic, Jace knew that he deserved it, he had been plotting ways of torturing and killing him since Alec had told him the truth about his wrongly reported death. As had Izzy. But plotting and carrying it out where two very different things. Especially when it was spur of the moment and you were actually trying to capture the monster instead of killing it like you desperately wanted to.

‘He did.’ Alec agreed, moving in front of his brother and encircling his arms around his shoulders. He felt Jace fall into him, clutching him tightly, shoulders heaving as he cried into him. Alec had been the same the first time he had killed someone as a civilian. It had been an accident and self-defence like this had been as well, unlike this though, there hadn’t been that personal connection and the want to kill.

Alec held Jace as he cried, knowing that he just needed to get it out of his system, then he would be fine. The doubts would slowly vanish, the niggles and the worries that he could have played it differently and he would be resolute in his decision that this was the best and only option. They both knew that the military had wanted Valentine alive, and that once they had all the information from him, he would stay alive. True, he would be imprisoned, but he would be housed, given three square meals a day, satellite TV and access to a gym. He would see daylight every day and have free medical care. That was a lot more than what Alec and Lily had been given when Valentine had had them captured.

‘I’m sorry.’ Jace apologised after several minutes.

‘What for?’

‘For crying. For breaking down.’ Jace shuddered out a sigh. ‘I’m glad he’s dead. I know you’re glad he’s dead. I didn’t think I would react like that.’

‘It’s okay to react like that Jace.’ Alec told him gently. ‘Yes, I’m glad he’s dead. And I know that you are too. Am I pleased that you were the one who ended up killing him? No. I know what killing someone who has personal ties to you is like. And when those personal ties aren’t good ones.’

‘When did you get so wise.’ Jace grumbled.

‘Blame Lily.’ Alec smiled, knowing the storm had passed, that already his brother was on the road to recovery. It had taken Alec a lot longer, but then the man Alec had first killed as a civilian hadn’t been the monster Valentine had been. He had still been a bastard, but not to the same extent.

‘Would you have preferred to kill him?’

Alec scrunched his face up. ‘Yes and no.’ Jace looked at him. ‘Yes, I wanted to kill him. I still do. I also know that Lily wanted too as well. I’d be careful around her the next day or so.’

Jace laughed. ‘Damn, she’s going to be pissed.’

‘Oh yes, yes she is.’ Alec chuckled then turned serious. ‘She’s also going to be grateful.’

Jace looked at him dubiously.

Alec shrugged. ‘You did what neither of us could do.’

Jace groaned. ‘If you either of you had had the opportunity, neither of you would have hesitated to kill him.’

Alec shrugged and leant against the desk in the room. ‘I would have wanted to torture him first.’

Jace sat down next to him, so close they were touching. ‘You wouldn’t have been able to. Not for long, no matter how much you want to. You don’t have the stomach for torture.’

Alec nudged his shoulder with his. He knew that Jace was complimenting him, rather than insulting him. Jace was wrong, he did have the stomach for it, but Alec knew that Jace meant that it just wasn’t in him, and it wasn’t. He hated torture, always had but even more so after being put through it. ‘Thanks man.’

‘You’re welcome.’ Jace nudged back. ‘Always got your back.’

‘Really?’ Alec frowned, deciding it was time to lighten the mood. ‘Coz the way I remember it, I was always seeing your back disappear over the horizon.’

Jace groaned, hiding his face in his hands. ‘You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?’

‘Nope.’ Alec agreed cheerfully. That was before they had been separated in the military, before their bosses had realised that they had different skill sets, very different skill sets, and would be of more use separated. As Alec thought about it, it was probably that mission that had proved it to them.

He was silent a moment but Alec was pretty sure he knew what Jace was thinking. He’d brought it up earlier but wasn’t sure if Jace had realised the implications yet.

‘What’s going to happen now?’

Alec shrugged. He was always honest with his siblings. ‘I don’t know.’

‘I’m a civilian now.’ Jace said numbly. ‘I could get tried for murder.’

Alec nodded. ‘You could, but you know how slim the chances are of that.’

‘Yeah, only the military are pissed at us.’

‘True.’ Alec smiled and nudged him again. ‘But when aren’t they?’

Jace huffed a laugh. ‘Yeah, but then, all they could do was either court martial me or boot me out. And I was too good at what I did.’

‘True.’ Alec agreed. Jace had never had confidence issues, unless an overabundance of confidence was an issue.

‘Same with the FBI.’

‘You know we’ll have your back.’

‘I know.’

They fell quiet again.

‘Worst case scenario?’ Jace asked, looking at the floor.

‘Manslaughter. But it was self-defence so it’ll get pled down.’

‘I’m highly trained. That won’t fly.’

‘He was highly trained as well.’ Alec pointed out.

Jace nodded. ‘Do you think it will come to that?’

‘I hope not.’

‘But do you think it will?’

‘Honestly?’ Alec dragged a hand over his face. ‘No. Valentine Morgenstern killed a lot of soldiers. And he made the military look a fool in doing so. They’re not going to go after you for killing him in self-defence.’

Jace nodded.

The blaring of Alec’s phone startled them both. Alec pulled his phone his out and smiled when he saw his sisters name. ‘It’s Izzy, I’ll put her on speaker.’

‘I hear that bastard is dead.’ Izzy said as way of greeting as soon as Alec answered. Alec smiled at her vicious tone.

‘Yeah, Jace killed him.’

‘Good. How are you both doing?’

Alec glanced at Jace who nodded at him. ‘Okay.’

‘How’s Jace doing?’

‘Alec talked me down.’ Jace answered her and Alec could see the small smile on his brothers’ face.

‘Good. For what it’s worth Jace, I’m glad you killed that fucker.’

Jace snorted. ‘Thanks. Me too.’

‘God, I wish I was there with you guys.’

Alec sighed, wishing that as well at the moment, now that it was safe for her to be here. Sebastian had done a hell of a lot of sweet talking to keep her away today. It had helped that she’d had an important meeting with the police at the morgue today on one of her previous cases. ‘Same but there’s nothing you can do.’

‘You coming home soon?’ Alec could hear the underlying need in her voice. It was a need of reassurance, a need to see them all and prove with her own eyes that they were alright and okay.

‘Hopefully. The military are keeping us here for a bit.’

‘Why?’ Izzy asked confused.

‘They’re pissed that Valentine’s dead. Doesn’t help that Lilith and Jonathan got away.’ Even Alec could hear the disgust in his voice.

‘Seb said something like that before he had to go.’ Izzy admitted with a sigh. They weren’t actually allowed to tell Izzy what had happened, but they would never let on to the military that they had and Izzy would take the knowledge to the grave with her.

‘Yeah, he’s giving his statement.’ Alec explained.

‘They’ve taken yours?’

‘Yeah but they want us to go over it again in a bit.’ Jace said disgusted. It wasn’t because they thought they needed time to come with a story or that their story might change, but in a complicated case like this, they needed all of their bases covered. It was also in case the military needed to build a case against them.

Izzy sighed. ‘Where’s Lily and Lydia?’

‘Lydia’s been dragged over hot coals, Lily’s keeping her calm.’ Alec said tightly.

‘Shit.’

‘Yep. That’s a pretty apt description at the moment.’ Jace agreed.

‘Is this going to come back onto any of you?’ Alec could hear the worry in her voice.

‘I don’t think so. Worse case scenario is them accusing Jace of manslaughter and Lydia getting court martialled for allowing this.’ Alec recited again. He doubted that would happen, but it was always a possibility, and he liked to be prepared for all scenarios.

‘And best case?’

‘Lydia gets her knuckles rapped.’ He wasn’t holding out for best case scenario either, but was expecting something in the middle, maybe a bit closer to best case scenario, but he wasn’t going to be holding his breath any time soon.

‘Why the hell did they want him alive?’ Izzy demanded angrily. It was a question they had all struggled with, and unfortunately all knew the answer to and understood it. Which was why it so hard for them.

Alec sighed. It was a rhetorical question but he answered anyway. ‘He wasn’t alone in it. Someone inside was helping him. They want to know who.’

Izzy was quiet a moment. ‘Do they agree that LT stood for Lilith Talto?’

‘Lydia can push that and hopefully get a task force to go after her. But Lilith Talto might have not have known who Valentine’s inside man was.’

‘Shit.’ Izzy repeated, this time with more vehemence.

Jace groaned. ‘I can’t believe that his _death_ is now fucking us over.’

Alec threw a lopsided grin at his brother. He knew in that instant, that no matter what happened, they would be fine. They would survive. They had each other, were always there for each other, they always had been and they always would be. And while their family might had grown and expanded, there wasn’t a single one of them who wouldn’t battle the devil himself.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was not how I expected this chapter to go... I was going to try for Jace's POV of the fight with Valentine, then thought: wouldn't it be nice to have vulnerable Jace and Alec comforting him...


	13. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec, Lily and Jace find out that Clary knows the name Valentine Morgenstern. They speak to Luke and Jocelyn and fill in more of Valentines background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mention and vague descriptions of domestic and emotional abuse.
> 
> This is set between chapter 27 and 28 of One Love.

_Revelations_

 

 

Alec looked up with a frown as Jace knocked on his open office door. Jace never knocks on his office door. In fact, Jace never knocks period, not when its Alec, nor even Lily, not for years now. It isn’t a sign of disrespect but of being family. So Jace knocking was instantly worrying.

‘I need to talk to you guys.’ Jace was looking pale and uncomfortable as he glanced at them hesitantly. Something was very seriously wrong. Jace was never hesitant either.

‘What’s wrong?’ Alec asked, instantly going to his brothers’ side. Even Lily had dropped the paperwork they were going through on Jack and Edwards case. They ushered Jace in and Lily closed the door quietly giving them total privacy. It was well known within the company that if either of the boss’s doors were closed, then no one was to enter without explicit and direct permission. Even Jace respected this rule.

Jace paced, looking worried and unable to stay still. It was putting Alec on edge as he envisioned thousands of scenarios of what could possibly have gone wrong but he was coming up blank with anything that actually fit into why Jace was acting like this. He figured it would have something to do with Clary, Jace never got this worked up over anything that wasn’t Clary related. But if she’d been in accident or something horrible had happened then Jace would not be hesitant. He really needed Jace to start talking now, but it was clear that whatever had happened, Jace was struggling to find the right words.

Jace ran hand through his hair distractedly. ‘I was talking with Clary, she asked about the fight.’ He winced. ‘I accidentally told her Valentine Morgenstern’s name.’

Alec smiled wryly at him, relief shooting through him as none of his fears were realised. He could strangle his brother, Jace really knew how to the scare the shit out of him. ‘Is that all? Christ Jace, you had me thinking you were dying.’

While Clary knowing about Valentine Morgenstern wasn’t ideal, Alec trusted her to keep quiet. If the military found out that she knew, there would hell to pay but Alec doubted it would come to that. Clary was loyal to those she loved, and Alec wasn’t afraid to admit that he was one of those people.

‘Clary recognised the name.’ Jace rushed, still pacing and wide eyed.

The air around them seemed to freeze. Alec found that he had to force himself to keep breathing. This hadn’t been among any of his imagined scenarios for Jace’s panic. He swallowed and glanced at Lily. She didn’t seem to understand either.

‘What?’ Alec asked, feeling a whole lot more than gobsmacked, although he certainly felt as if someone had whacked him around the head and he was suffering from confusion.

‘How?’ Lily demanded, looking as if she couldn’t quite believe it but because it was Jace, was willing to go out on a limb.

Jace sighed, flopping down onto their sofa as the all fight seemed to leave him. ‘She isn’t supposed to know, she’s waiting outside. But.’ He took another deep breath. ‘She found his name in her mom’s papers.’

‘Okay?’ Alec frowned, clearly not knowing where this going. What could Jocelyn possible have to do with Valentine? How would she know him? Alec had checked Clary out as soon as he’d learnt Jace was dating her and it was serious. He hadn’t been the only one, Lily and him had compared notes. Even Sebastian and Izzy had done the same. So he knew Jocelyn’s background, and while it was sketchy in places, she hadn’t been anywhere around Valentine. Unlike Luke who had gone to school with him.

Both him and Lily had looked further into Luke, but Max had found nothing more, no sign of them ever staying in contact since Luke had left. Luke had actually seemed to have cut ties with everyone from where he had grown up, including his own family. But they had never pushed, that was for Luke to tell them if he so wished to. They hadn’t kept the information from Jace either. But Valentine had gone to school with a lot of people, so it wasn’t anything to hold against Luke. Even if they had been good friends at school, Luke hadn’t known the man who had, or rather who Valentine had become, when he turned traitor.

‘Valentine Morgenstern is her father.' Jace stated bluntly, exhaling loudly.

‘What?’ They both exclaimed staring at him. They hadn’t found out anything in Jocelyn’s background to let them know who Clary’s father might be, but then, they hadn’t really been looking, not for anything like this.

Jace shrugged. ‘You did know Luke wasn’t her real father?’

‘Not the time Jace.’ Alec growled. Their different skin colours had made that clear, but being biologically related to someone did not make them family. Alec’s family was a prime example of that: he wasn’t related to Jace by blood but he was still his brother, and Alec still didn’t know how to describe what his parents were to him.

Lily grinned. ‘Exactly the time!’

‘You said she’s waiting outside?’ Alec asked. ‘Why?’

‘She’s upset. She doesn’t know what to expect.’ Jace looked haggard and Alec expected it was mainly to do with worrying about Clary more than anything else.

Alec nodded, he saw Lily grimace in understanding. ‘I think we need to hear this from her.’

‘Please go easy?’ He asked reluctantly, standing up.

‘Course, she’s family.’ Alec told him, seeing the relieved smile cover his face before Jace left to go get her.

‘Well this is going to be interesting.’ Lily said, rubbing his arm soothingly. Alec wasn’t sure who her action was comforting more; him or her, but he appreciated it anyway. He wanted to wrap her in hug but also felt the need to run and burn off the nervous energy that had suddenly invaded him. He knew that whatever they were about to hear, was not going to be good. If Jocelyn had faked her history so thoroughly and so well, this was not going to be good. Unless Valentine had just been a passing acquaintance or a one-night stand. But if that was the case, why would Clary have come across his name?

‘I don’t know what this is going to be.’ He mumbled feeling completely unprepared as he ran a hand through his hair, raking it up.

He smiled gently as Jace led Clary back in. Her eyes were red and swollen. It was obvious she had been crying and her hand was clutching Jace’s so tightly Alec could see the tips of her fingers were white. But Jace wasn’t complaining.

Alec pulled her instantly into a hug, unsurprised when she burst into tears and clutched at him. He let her cry it out and rubbed her back in a similar motion to how Lily had just been rubbing his arm. He felt some of his nervous energy web as Clary clutched at him. They hadn’t gotten off to an easy start, what with his PTSD and what Izzy termed his ‘generalised grumpiness’. Clary had been sure he had hated her, not understanding why he was worried that he might hurt her especially as with her easy-going laid-back attitude, she didn’t seem to grasp the seriousness of his PTSD. Not until she had witnessed it.

‘I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know.’ She stuttered the second she pulled back. Her eyes were wide and she looked terrified. He hated seeing that look on her. No matter how unpleasant their start was, she was family now and he loved her like a sister.

‘Didn’t know what?’ Alec was confused. He thought Jace had said she did know who her father was but wasn’t supposed to.

‘That he was the reason you were both captured.’ Clary hiccupped, tears leaking from her eyes. Alec had never been more grateful than he was now, that she had fallen in love with Jace. She was good for him, loyal, brave and fierce. She grounded Jace and unlike Jace, took the blame for things that had nothing to do with her or that she had no control over.

Lily smiled, it was her turn to pull Clary into a hug. Only it wasn’t as long and when they let go, she kept Clary propped up under arm. The reasons for their capture wasn’t something any of them spoke about. It was a military matter, one that was confidential. But Jace must have explained why he wasn’t upset about killing the man either before Clary had found out Valentines name or after.

‘Clary, we know you didn’t. We don’t blame you.’ He heard Lily say.

‘Of course we don’t. If having shitty parents was a crime, we’d all be locked up.’ Alec told her, finally seeing a hint of a smile on her features.

‘Yeah but I think I got the jackpot on shitty parents.’ Clary sighed, but Alec could see what it was costing her to try to keep it all together.

‘Oh crap, we’re turning it into competition and I’m going to lose.’ Lily moaned dramatically.

Alec grinned. ‘At least I get runner up.’

‘Hey.’ Jace frowned. ‘Where am I in this? Mine are dead.’

‘One of mine now is.’ Clary said closing her eyes as fresh tears leaked out.

‘No.’ Alec said authoritatively, grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at him. ‘Both your parents are alive and wonderful. We all know that while Luke may not be your biological father. He is your father in every way that counts.’

She smiled weakly. ‘Thanks Alec.’

‘Come on.’ Lily said pulling Clary over to the sofa. ‘Sit down while Jace and Alec get us some tea.’

Alec tried to hide his sigh but Jace didn’t bother trying to hide his disgruntled look as he followed Alec to the kitchen while Clary and Lily had some girl time to calm her down.

‘It’ll be okay.’ Alec said as he turned the coffee machine on and set the kettle to boil.

‘I know.’ Jace nodded but didn’t sound convinced. ‘Shit man, you need to hear what she said. She doesn’t know much but I think Jocelyn went through some bad shit.’

Alec nodded as he set out the mugs and placed them on a tray. Tea for Clary to settle her nerves and coffee for the rest of them. From his chat with his parents he had thought, like his dad had, that Valentine had killed his wife and that was the cause of her disappearance. But now? Alec was trying not to think to deeply on what all this meant until he had more information. There was no point in jumping to conclusions when he didn’t have all the relevant information, information that he was about to get.

‘Then we’ll be there for them, whatever they need.’ Alec said, deliberately trying not to compare what he imagined Jocelyn had gone through to what he and Lily had gone through. ‘Just like you did with me.’

‘Thanks man.’ Jace hugged him, holding him a little too tight and for a little too long showing just how uneasy he was about the whole situation.

Alec followed Jace back in silence as he carried the tray.

‘I don’t know much, mom hated talking about him.’ Clary said as soon as they walked back in and laughed sadly. ‘She used to tell me the stalk brought me.’

Alec smiled reassuringly at her while Jace sat down next to her and griped her hand tightly. She leant into his embrace, resting her head against his shoulder. Alec placed her tea in front of her on the table, holding his own coffee in both hands.

She took a steading breath and continued. ‘I know she felt trapped in the marriage, she told me that. And that he wasn’t a nice man.’ Clary grimaced up at Jace. ‘When she found out she was pregnant with me, she left. Contacted Luke, she’d known him in high school, they’d lost touch but she knew he was in the police. He hid her while she got a divorce and she stayed hidden. That’s everything they told me.’

Lily and Alec shared a glance before Alec looked to Jace. He grimaced at them. Valentine had married a Jocelyn Fairchild straight out of high school and after he’d been enrolled with the army, had a son with him. If what Clary was saying was true, then Jocelyn Garroway, nee Fray was in fact Jocelyn Fairchild and Clary had a brother that she knew nothing about.

‘I think we also need to speak to Jocelyn.’ Lily said quietly, wincing sympathetically at Clary.

Clary winced. ‘I was hoping we could avoid telling her.’

‘She needs to know that he’s dead and that she’s safe.’ Lily explained quietly, not going into much detail. They weren’t sure how much Clary had read between the lines, but combined with what they had already found out, it seemed obvious to them at least that Valentine Morgenstern physically abused his wife. ‘We also need to know more about what happened.’

Jace closed his eyes as everyone avoided bringing up the subject of Jonathan Morgenstern, who was in all likelihood, Clary’s full brother.

Clary took a deep breath and nodded, her expression fearful but determined.

 

 

‘Hi Luke, Jocelyn, I’m sorry to bombard you like this.’ Alec said as they entered the Garroway household. He knew that Luke had picked up on his sombre expression but hadn’t read anything into it.

Luke paused in his greeting of them, suddenly realising that this wasn’t a social call. Clary stood between Jace, Alec and Lily, the three of standing around her protectively, tear stains still evident on her paler than usual face. Clary was clutching onto Jace as if he was the only thing holding her upright.

‘What’s wrong? Clary are you okay?’ Luke asked, panic low in his voice but controlled.

‘Clary?’ Jocelyn’s panic was more evident. ‘What happened?’

She smiled blearily but no one was convinced by it. ‘I’m fine.’

‘It might be best if we sit.’ Lily said quietly, but in the silence was easily heard.

Luke glanced alarmed at Alec and he tried to smile reassuringly at him before he herded his wife into the lounge. He knew they would be imagining the worst-case scenarios but having Clary stood there, visibly unharmed was probably what was keeping them from demanding answers and doing what Alec had asked.

‘What is this about?’ Luke demanded as soon as they got into the lounge. Both were still stood up but Alec respected that. He found it easier to remain standing in the face of bad news.

‘Valentine Morgenstern.’ Alec said cutting straight to the chase. He knew that Luke being in the police would have any number of possible scenarios running through his head. ‘He’s dead.’

‘Oh God.’ Jocelyn whispered, going rigid, then collapsing back into Luke as shudders racked through her body. Luke stared at him open mouthed, his arms automatically enveloping his wife and holding her up.

‘I killed him a few days ago.’ Jace continued, calmness layering his voice when Alec knew he was anything but. ‘I accidentally mentioned his name to Clary and she recognised it.’

Jocelyn’s breathing was ragged and she moved as if to run from the room but turned into her husband instead. She was shaking all over but her eyes found Alec’s. They were accusing, but full of hurt. Alec realised that Jocelyn had guessed they all knew just how she knew Valentine, and they had told her of his death. Her eyes were accusing him of knowing her darkest secrets, her most shameful secrets that she had tried and succeeded for years to keep hidden.

Jocelyn nodded tearily. ‘H-he-he wa-was my husband. Ex-husband.’ She took a deep unsteady breath. ‘He wasn’t a good man.’

‘But he had a son?’ Alec asked quietly, not wanting to alarm Clary.

Jocelyn nodded and more tears cascaded down her face. ‘Jonathan. Our baby boy.’

‘Wait, he… your? I have a brother?’ Clary asked horrified, her voice high pitched before Jace shushed her.

Jocelyn nodded, visibly shaking. Luke pulled her onto the sofa. ‘Val, Val was in the army. One of his tours lasted longer than normal, over two years. He came back changed. I got pregnant, but the Val I knew never came back. He was,’ She shrugged jerkily, ‘more controlling, just off at first, then things started to get slowly worse. He would disappear, a weekend, a week, a month. I was already thinking of leaving when he disappeared again, but this time he took Jonathan.’

She opened her mouth and closed it a couple times. Her hands were gripping Luke’s shirt tightly and he had his arms wrapped around her as if he could keep her together by sure willpower alone.

‘It’s okay Joce, just take your time.’ Luke said soothingly pulling her further into his embrace so that she was almost sat in his lap, constantly rubbing her back. ‘It’s okay, I’m here.’

She nodded and took another unsteady breath. ‘He was away for two weeks, I’d almost lost my mind. I’d called the police, everyone was out searching for them when he just waltzed back in, like nothing was wrong.’ Her expression hardened, turning bitter. ‘The police couldn’t do anything because he’d been with his father. Val was,’ she paused and Alec could easily hear the words she left unsaid, ‘unhappy I’d involved them. It was a few months before he did the same again. At first it was a weekend. I didn’t call the police, but he kept doing it until one time he came back without Jonathan. Said if I told anyone or called the police I would never see him again.’

She stayed silent this time, leaning into Luke, staring into nothing as she remembered. Her eyes were haunted and so very different from the woman who had greeted them at the door minutes before. She now looked to be a shell of that woman, taken back into memories that obviously still haunted her.

‘How long did you stay?’ Lily asked quietly.

‘Until I found out I was pregnant with Clary. The second that test turned positive I walked out the house. Only took that pregnancy test with me. Nothing else. No money, no clothes, just that test.’ She sounded as if she was mocking herself, but Alec knew she had done the right thing.

‘Best thing to do.’ Lily told her. ‘Leave everything behind and there’s less to find you with.’

Jocelyn smiled sadly. ‘I never heard from him again. I turned up on Luke’s door, and he hid me. Organised the divorce for me, searched for Jonathan, but there was never any sign and he kept me and Clary hidden.’

Luke glanced at them sternly. ‘Now it’s your turn to answer some questions.’

Alec nodded, quickly glancing at Lily. ‘When Lily and I were captured and presumed dead, it was because a Sargeant Valentine Morgenstern had turned traitor and was selling information to the enemy. He had gone AWOL but was hiding in plain sight under other soldiers’ credentials. He wasn’t working alone, he escaped and we never found his accomplice. All that was ever found was the letters LT.’

‘Lieutenant.’ Luke supplied.

‘That’s what we thought.’ Alec nodded.

‘Oh God.’ Jocelyn whispered, rocking herself back and forward even while Luke tried to calm her.

‘Magnus has two new clients, one of which he grew up with in foster care. Jonathan Morgenstern and Lilith Talto.’

‘Jona- he’s been in foster care? Val put him into a…’ Jocelyn trailed off, her face devoid of any blood, her breathing ragged. Her hand pawing at Luke’s arm to get a better grip even as her body was shaking.

Alec nodded and took a deep breath. He kept his eyes on Luke, unable to watch Jocelyn’s face as he told them what he knew of Jonathan Morgenstern. He couldn’t lie to them and tell them Jocelyn’s son had grown up to be a nice well-rounded and respected citizen. And it was better to get this over and done with instead of drawing it out for Jocelyn.

‘From what we’ve unearthed, Jonathan Morgenstern spent almost his whole life in foster care. Never stayed long in one foster house, the foster parents claimed he was a bully, didn’t fit well, was superior to the other children. One family had him for almost a year with several other kids. They were imprisoned five years later for child abuse but there was no evidence that Jonathan was one of the children. He didn’t fit their profile. The longest after that was four months until one of the other kids went missing, he was found locked in the basement two days later. There were reports of him hurting the other children but nothing was ever proven, pets going missing and none coming back alive. He has a sealed record, so we’re assuming he spent time in Juvie.’

‘Oh God.’ Any blood Jocelyn had left in her face vanished, her hand covered her mouth.

Alec sighed heavily. ‘I’m sorry Jocelyn, for all intents and purposes, Jonathan Morgenstern is not a very nice man.’

‘How-how does this relate to Magnus?’ Luke asked, looking decidedly paler himself.

‘We set up a trap at Magnus’s office when he was meeting with Jonathan and Lillith Talto.’

Luke’s eyes widened. ‘Lillith Talto? LT?’

Alec nodded. ‘We no longer believe that LT stood for Lieutenant but Lilith Talto.’

‘And the trap?’

‘Was a partial success. Valentine turned up as well, but Jonathan and Lilith got away.’

‘You think Jonathan was the mastermind behind this?’ Luke asked faintly. Alec was impressed at how well he was keeping himself together. He wasn’t sure he would have been able to do the same without the training the army had given him.

Alec shrugged. ‘It’s hard to say, but he’s definitely involved.’ Luke nodded distractedly. Alec knelt down in front of them, placing his hand of Jocelyn knee to get her attention. ‘Valentine can’t hurt you anymore, not physically. He’s dead. He’s not coming back.’

Jocelyn nodded but didn’t really look as if she was paying him any attention. Luke threw him a grateful smile. Alec stood and motioned to the door. Luke nodded again and pulled his wife closer. Alec saw Jocelyn bury her face into his neck before he turned, following Lily and Jace out while Clary stayed to comfort her parents.

‘Shit.’ Jace mumbled as the stood on the pavement outside. He glanced back at the house half longingly and half relieved to be out. Alec knew how hard it must be for him to leave Clary in there. If it was Magnus, he wasn’t sure he would have been able to give him the space he knew Clary and her family needed.

Alec nodded feeling as if his emotions were numb but his senses were on high alert. ‘Let’s get home and call Izzy and Seb.’

He felt Lily slip her hand into his and promptly entwined their fingers. He instantly felt more grounded but didn’t look at her as they set off. It went without saying that he would also be calling Magnus. Just to hear his voice. He knew he couldn’t tell Magnus everything, not just yet, but once Jocelyn and Luke had been given time to digest this information, he would speak to Luke about the possibility of telling Magnus. Keeping so many secrets hadn’t helped any of them. And currently Alec just needed to hear his boyfriends voice, and hopefully his laugh, to know that not everything in this world was completely fucked up.

 

 

 


	14. Declarations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set at the end of Chapter 30 in One Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might have noticed I've changed the number of chapters. I have only two more chapters of Alec's POV to go. I just need to write them now!

_Declarations_.

 

 

Alec still wasn’t happy that Magnus was refusing to go to the cabin with Jace and the others but Magnus had the same stubborn expression on his face that he’d had as a teenager. Alec had known instantly that he wouldn’t be winning the argument but he had still tried. Any remote chance he had, no matter how unlikely, to keep Magnus safe, he had to try: it was Magnus. He felt a desperate urge in his chest that kept spiralling outwards threating to stop him from breathing if he didn’t keep Magnus safe. But just like Izzy, Magnus had always known how to work around his arguments to get what he wanted. Alec knew that this fear he was feeling wasn’t rational, but he was so afraid of losing Magnus again that he didn’t want to chance it. He was at a crossroads, he couldn’t force Magnus to do what he wanted, otherwise he wouldn’t be the man that he was in love with. Neither of them knew what the future held and Alec had learnt to stop trying to control or even predict it, instead he had back up plans for his back up plans. Just in case. After all, he had learnt the hard way that life never went the way you planned or wanted it to go.

Lily had already gone to bed, which was unlike her so she had most likely known that Alec would either try once more to get Magnus to leave with the others, or at the very least speak to him about it privately. Sometimes, her knowing him so well came in handy. She had probably guessed that he was freaking out about it, and while it surprised him that she hadn’t helped him deal with it, he was pleased that she trusted Magnus enough to help him deal with it.

‘Magnus.’ Alec said, pulling him close. He knew there was no point in rehashing their earlier conversation, it would most likely lead to an argument with lots of shouting and both of them angry. Alec didn’t dare think about how that might affect his PTSD. He just couldn’t. ‘You have to promise me, you won’t leave me. You have to do everything I tell you to.’

‘Alexander.’ Magnus murmured, pressing his body close to Alec’s. Alec could hear the apology in his voice, but also the strength of his convictions. There was no talking him out of this, and Alec would beg if he thought it would help. ‘I promise you, I won’t leave you. I will do everything you say.’ Alec nodded and felt Magnus press his face into his neck, the breath he took was shaky and Alec could feel his eyelashes tickle against his neck when Magnus closed his eyes. ‘Alexander look at me, I promise, I won’t leave you.’

Alec raised his head and wondered if Magnus was just as scared as he was about this. Or if he was picking up on his own despairing needs. He prayed that his expression was hiding some of his feelings and that Magnus wasn’t reading him like an open book. But then, would that be so bad if he could? Could Magnus see the love and fear that he knew he was failing at hiding? The paralysing fear that kept making his chest tighten and think that he might lose Magnus, and this time for good. ‘You better not.’  Even he could hear how hoarse his whisper was. ‘I can’t lose you again.’

‘Alec you have me. You will always have me.’ Magnus whispered back, relieving at least half of his fears, but the half that remained were all centred around what might go wrong. And with Magnus promising to do everything he told him, which was going to be “stay in the locked safe room and do not move”, his fears were just that: fear. He took a deep breath and with a well-practised move pushed his fears to one side, or rather as far away as he could manage, which currently, wasn’t very far. ‘I love you.’

And there went his remaining fears. Over the hill and far away. Magnus loved him. He knew that Magnus loved him, he had basically admitted it that night they got back together and decided to try again. But this seemed different. It was their first time saying it properly this time, and knowing that it was reciprocated. Saying “I love you” in a relationship was a momentous occasion, and Alec was so glad that it was here, at home, with just the two of them. As much as he loved Lily and needed her and knew he would he be telling her as soon as they had a moment alone tomorrow, he had needed this to be just between the two of them. And it was perfect.

‘I love you too. So much.’ Alec sighed, his body relaxed but his hands tightened in their grip, unwilling to let him go. He took a deep breath, breathing Magnus in. The smell of sandalwood had always made him feel safe, the smell of the man he loved. ‘Stay with me tonight.’

‘Alexander.’ Magnus breathed, he sounded hopeful and disbelieving at the same time and it just made Alec want him even more. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was that not only had he found Magnus again, but that Magnus still wanted to be with him. ‘Are you sure?’

‘I need you.’ Alec met his eyes and felt relief and warmth spread through him when Magnus nodded. ‘Thank you.’ He rested his head in Magnus’s neck and forced himself to breath in and out slowly and steadily and not throw Magnus over his shoulder, run up the stairs, toss him on the bed and keep him captive there until this was all over.

He didn’t know what it was about Magnus that seemed to tear down all his walls and defences that he had spent years erecting but Magnus seemed to be able to make him feel whole and safe and secure. It was a strange feeling, Alec hadn’t felt whole in years. It scared him and he didn’t know what to do about it. He knew it wouldn’t last and he desperately wanted and needed it to. He needed to be whole for Magnus to want him.

He felt Magnus wrap his arms around him as if he was warding off Alec’s fears. Alec squeezed his eyes shut, wishing it was that simple. That Magnus could just hold him and he would fine.

‘Do you need Lily as well?’ Magnus’s voice was quiet but heartfelt and Alec felt something burst in him. There was no judgement, no jealously in his voice, just acceptance and love. A tidal wave of emotion erupted telling him one thing: never let this man go. Ever. This was it, this was forever. And it hit him then; Magnus didn’t care if he was whole or broken, Magnus just cared about him. Loved him.

Alec pulled back and looked into Magnus’s eyes. He didn’t try to hide what he was feeling this time. This time he needed Magnus to know, to see just how much Alec loved and needed him. Alec shook his head. ‘No. Just you.’

Magnus smiled back at him, his eyes soft and caring. Alec knew he had seen it, heard what he didn’t have the words to say. Alec’s breath caught in his throat as he realised that Magnus was looking at him in the exactly the same way. ‘You have me. You always will.’

 

 

‘You’re looking awfully chipper this morning.’ Lily glared at him over his coffee mug. She was still in her shorts and tee that she wore to bed so couldn’t have been up long. Alec wondered if she had managed a decent night’s sleep like him, or if she been up the first half of the night and only tried to sleep for the last few hours. The bags under her eyes told him it was the latter. He felt slightly guilty, usually when that happened, he would be up with her, depending on the reason. He could easily guess that she hadn’t wanted to disturb him and Magnus, and while he was grateful, that would have to change. Bad things would happen if they didn’t feel they could go to each other. It wasn’t like they always kept the other awake when they had a bad night though, so he didn’t feel too guilty about it. ‘And it’s not because you’re getting laid on a regular basis.’

She narrowed her eyes at him and Alec grinned at her. Lily may look and sound jealous but she wasn’t, she was happy for him and she could read him too well.

‘What’s happened?’ She asked, a wry smile on her lips as she tried and failed to be stern and unamused.

‘Magnus told me he loved me.’ Alec felt himself practically beaming at her but couldn’t seem to reign it in. Just hearing the words, even remembering how Magnus had said them, made him feel warm and happy all over. He didn’t care about the shit that the world was going through at the moment, he knew he had issues, serious ones, but Magnus loved him and that was all that mattered at the moment. Everything else could wait.

She smiled at him, giving way completely to her amusement. ‘But we knew that he did.’

Alec shrugged, his smile still firmly in place. He’d guessed, Magnus had pretty much said so when they’d decided to give their relationship another go, but it never hurt to have it confirmed. And saying “ _I never stopped loving you_ ” compared to “ _I love you_ ” were different to him. He now knew they were on the same page, instead of wondering if he was the only one in this deep, to know that Magnus still felt that strongly for him after giving their relationship a go. That had been something that had scared Alec as well, what if Magnus had thought he’d changed too much and after giving them a second chance, didn’t like the man he had become? But Magnus had allayed his fears with three words. ‘But he told me last night.’

Lily shoved her mug on the counter forcefully, sloshing some of it over the rim as she threw her arms around him. He caught her and whirled her around once before setting her down. She took a deep breath, picked up her coffee and smiled at him, her eyes bright and mischievous but full of happiness. For him. With everything she was going through, with Jack coming back on the scene, she was still over the moon for him. He knew that Lily was happy for him, she didn’t have to say it.

‘So, when’s he moving the rest of his stuff in?’

Alec spluttered and almost choked on his coffee.

‘Wh-what?’

Lily shrugged but he could still see her amusement. ‘What? You love each other, you’re sleeping with each other, and only with each other. He’s stayed the night, a few nights. He has a crazy stalker who knows where he lives, he’s safer here and his cat is already here. He’s basically already living here. We’ve both been in his loft, no way is this all of his stuff. So, when is he moving in properly?’

Alec could feel the heat encompass his face at her words but couldn’t deny any of them. And now that she had said it, he realised it was something that he desperately wanted, for Magnus to move in with them. To come home to him every day, to fall asleep next to him every night and to wake up with him every morning. He could already picture it and was startled at the deep need of want that he felt at the thought of it.

He sighed and shrugged. ‘I don’t know.’

‘But you want him to?’ Lily had that knowing smug look on her face.

As much as he would love to wipe that smirk off her face, he didn’t fight it when he felt the smile creep over his face. ‘Yeah, yeah I do.’

‘Good, because I will fight him for Chairman Meow if he tries to leave.’ Lily informed him. Alec raised an eyebrow and she scowled. ‘Even if that bloody cat has abandoned me for him after I fed him.’

Ale didn’t bother hiding his grin. He’d seen Chairman Meow slinking into his room as he came downstairs.

 

 

 


	15. Sparkles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's POV of being in the hospital with Lily after he had to sedate her (not when she shot herself!).
> 
> This is set at the same time as Chapter 34 in One Love

_Sparkles_

 

 

Alec yet again checked his watch and then looked over to the bed where Lily was still lying, pale and unmoving. He was trying extremely hard not to feel guilty, and knew that as soon as Lily woke up and teased him about it, the guilt would go away. As long as he hadn’t given her any brain damage. Anything else, he knew from past experience, she would bounce back from. ‘The sedation should be wearing off soon.’

‘Should I go?’ Magnus asked him.

Alec shook his head, a spike of fear going through him at the thought, but then he realised why Magnus had asked that. ‘No, we’re always groggy afterwards, slower, slightly confused and she’ll be extremely bitchy. It won’t be like when she shot herself.’

Magnus frowned. ‘And that’s normal?’

Alec grinned, this was what he needed. Conversation to take his mind off the fact that he might have permanently hurt Lily. ‘Well, the bitchiness will be worse coz she won’t be waking up at home and there won’t be pancakes.’

Magnus laughed. ‘You always have pancakes afterwards?’

Alec smiled, feeling the nostalgia and sadness behind it. ‘Yeah, whosever up first always makes pancakes. She’ll be better once we’re home, less inhibited. Sometimes she can be quite funny.’

Magnus raised his eyebrow, he didn’t look convinced but assuming that Lily was fine, Magnus would soon be finding out. But it was still another twenty minutes before the heart monitor increased, showing a sudden rise in Lily’s heartrate.

‘Here we go.’ Alec mumbled as he got up and went to Lily’s side. Magnus stayed where he was which was a relief. He wasn’t certain how Lily would wake up, but he highly doubted that she would be violent. He just needed her to speak and recognise him and he didn’t think he could do that alone. He saw her fingers twitch as her heart rate continued to escalate.

‘Stop freaking out and stay still.’ Alec told her sternly, knowing that their time in the army had drilled them both into instantly obeying commands, no matter what their mental state was. Lily instantly relaxed and her heart rate slowly went back to normal. That was a good sign. She had recognised his voice and the authority in it. Her chances of brain damage diminished considerably but there was still a chance.

Lily groaned and mumbled something.

‘Can’t hear you, you’ll have to speak up.’ Alec told her in a much gentler tone. Her heart rate was normal, her breathing calm. She no longer needed his CO’s voice.

‘WhereamI?’

‘Hospital.’ He knew she wouldn’t like it but they never lied to each other. Her heartrate shot up again and her whole body jerked in the bed. ‘Oh no you don’t.’ Alec told her, back to using his CO’s voice, only in his relief it sounded more pissed off than commanding. He pressed the call button for the doctor. ‘You know the drill, once the doctors have checked you out, we can go home.’

Lily whined, and Alec almost collapsed from relief. He could feel his stress practically melting from his shoulders. She was in one of her needy, childlike moods. To anyone else she would seem drunk or high, but personally he loved these states of hers. They were when she showed how much she loved them in ways that only Lily could. Although he was always relieved when she became her normal sarcastic annoying self again afterwards.

‘Whashappened?’ She rasped, her words were slurring which he had been expecting.

‘Had to sedate you.’ Alec said softly, the pain evident in his voice. As bad as he felt about it, he knew Lily would be feeling guilty as well. They both hated it when their actions forced the other to sedate them. They hated losing control at the best of times but to that extent? And they never remembered what they had actually done, so there was always that continued added worry. No amount of reassurance ever let it go away.

‘Mmsorry.’ Lily coughed. ‘’urtanywon?’

‘No, just yourself.’

She sighed. It sounded relieved. ‘Good.’

‘You broke your arm.’ Alec forced himself not to wince as he remembered the exact circumstances of her breaking her arm. Which if he had been quicker, stronger, faster, would never have happened.

Lily jerked up, almost sitting upright. ‘Wheechone?’

‘Same one as your shoulder.’

‘Urgh.’ She flopped back down. ‘HeyMagnus.’

‘Hey Lily.’ Magnus smiled looking surprised that she was including him.

‘Oo take me home?’ She sounded hopeful.

Alec glared at her. He should have known she would try to get Magnus on her side. ‘Magnus is not taking you home. I’ve called for the doctor, he’ll check you out and then we’ll go home. Jace is here too somewhere.’

‘I’ll text him.’ Magnus offered pulling his phone out.

Luckily Lily just smiled and stared at Magnus while they waited instead of trying to persuade them to get her out before the doctor came. Alec wondered if she had forgotten where they were. As much as he wanted to know what was going through her head and why she was staring at Magnus so much, he would wait until they were home to ask.

The doctor strode in a minute later, a different one than Lily had seen for her gunshot wound.

‘Miss Chen, how are we feeling?’ The man smiled down at her from the other side of the bed. Alec immediately hated him and from the way Lily had tensed, she felt the same.

‘Fine.’ She said slowly, carefully forming her words. Alec knew it was so the doctor would let her go home. ‘Want to go home.’

‘We just need to run a few tests and then you’ll be free to go.’ He told her cheerfully. Too cheerfully to Alec’s mind. The doctor stepped forward and Alec had to stop himself from intervening but his cheerful expression faltered when Lily growled at him.

‘Tooch me an aye’ll break yur arm.’ She slurred, glaring at him. Good impressions were already out the window then.

The doctor hesitated and Alec grinned. Even in this state, she could still cause the good doctor a lot of damage but he didn’t bother intervening. She was still his Lily.

‘You fell over a banister, we need to make sure you don’t have brain damage or a concussion Miss Chen.’

‘Go fuch yerself.’ She snarled, pulling the wires off of her and the drip out of her arm. A line of blood followed the catheter making its way quickly down her hand. Alec ignored it in favour of staring at the doctor who was no longer looking or acting so smug.

‘Miss Chen.’ The doctor sighed but then jumped back in alarm when Lily pushed off the blankets and rolled out the bed, falling onto the floor with a loud thud. Alec pushed his laughter away as he moved towards her, trust Lily.

‘Hey, so we ready to go?’ Jace asked cheerily as he strolled into the room. He took one look at Lily on the floor and pulled his phone out. ‘Looks like we are, I’ll make sure Izzy’s waiting for us.’

Alec walked around the bed and helped haul Lily upright. He turned her to face him, easily keeping his arm wrapped around her so she remained standing. They had done this so many times, he could probably do it in his sleep. ‘You know the drill Lil, let the doctor run his tests, just like when you got shot.’

Lily grumbled again, low in her throat but he knew she was agreeing.

‘Eyes first.’ Alec said, promptly hauling her around to stand in front of the doctor. The doctor fumbled for his pen light and Alec scowled at him but he quickly stepped forward, checking her eyes and making sure she could follow the light.

‘What year is it?’ The doctor asked and Alec refrained from sighing and glaring at the man, wondering if he could have asked a stupider question. He wondered if Lily would allow him to track down the doctor she’d had last time, at least that one was sensible, but doubted she would let him leave her alone. Or if she did, by the time he returned she would probably be half way home.

‘Your last.’ Lily growled at him.

The doctor paled and took a step back. Alec had no idea how he hadn’t seen that one coming, even Jace chuckled.

‘I think we can do that at home. Dr Isabelle Lightwood is there waiting for us.’ Alec grinned at the man, deciding to take pity on both the doctor and Lily. Mainly Lily though, while it would be fun to make him sweat by forcing him to do all the correct tests on Lily, he couldn’t put Lily through it.

‘That, that all seems in order. Have a nice day Miss Chen.’ The doctor stuttered and practically ran out the door.

Lily glared after him, Alec had to admit, he wouldn’t miss the guy and his friend on the board of the directors would be getting a call about him. They already had a list of doctors who they refused to see and who refused to see them. Alec wasn’t perturbed in the slightest that it was about to get longer.

‘Right.’ Alec hefted Lily more comfortably into his arms. ‘Let’s get you home.’

‘I’ll grab us a cab.’ Jace offered and quickly disappeared.

Lily grumbled but buried her head into Alec’s shoulder, allowing him to cart her out the hospital while Magnus quietly followed them. When they finally reached the back door where Alec knew Jace would be waiting with a cab, Magnus opened it for them. Lily poked her head out of Alec’s shoulder, he could feel her looking at Magnus. She reached out with her good arm for him and Alec twisted to see her stroking Magnus’ head.

‘So sparkly.’ She sighed sounding content. Alec held in his groan as he realised that she was already fixated on Magnus’ body, and by the way she was handling his hair, it was either due to the glitter he was wearing of the softness of his boyfriends hair. He really wished she had fixated on something else, anything else.

 ‘Come on Lily, let’s go home.’ Alec said and could hear his own resignation. He just hoped he could get them home before she refused to be parted from Magnus.

‘Nooo, want sparkly Magnus.’ Lily made grabby hands and managed to get hold of Magnus’ shirt, promptly refusing to let go.

Alec huffed. ‘Magnus is coming with us.’

Lily shook her head. ‘Want sparkly Magnus.’

Alec closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He should have known it was the glitter. He prayed she didn’t get too fixated by it. ‘Sparkly Magnus is coming with us.’

Lily smiled, pleased, looking satisfied. ‘Not letting go.’

‘You’ll have to let go to get into the car.’

Lily shook her head. ‘No.’

‘Yes.’ Alec knew, if given the chance, Lily would keep this up forever, especially if she was feeling comfortable. And apparently the knowledge that they were on their way home, even though they weren’t there yet, had made her feel comfortable.

‘No.’

‘How are we going to get into the car then?’

Lily smiled and made an unconcerned huff.

Alec sighed, shifted slightly, then glared at Jace, who was videoing everything on his phone.

‘Jace!’ Alec growled.

‘What?’ Jace asked completely unconcerned. ‘This is brilliant!’

Alec felt Lily shift while he was attempting and failing at glaring his brother down. He glanced down to see that Lily had leant over, closer to Magnus but still in Alec’s arms and was resting her head on his boyfriend’s chest. He was going to kill Jace. He turned his glare back to his brother just as Lily made a displeased noise then went back into Alec’s arms letting Magnus go completely. She was lucky he had quick reflexes otherwise he would have dropped her.

‘Nosh sparkles there.’ She was slurring again but Alec quickly took the opportunity to hurriedly bundle them both into the back seat with Magnus sliding in after them as Jace got into the front.

‘Sparkles!’ Lily shouted and pushed herself away from him, headbutting Magnus as she fell onto him.

Before Alec could move, her elbow came out of nowhere, catching him right on his cheekbone with a loud crack. He felt the pain reverberate up his skull, his eyes automatically closing and watering. He grunted and quickly blinked away the excess liquid.

 ‘Shit. Fuck.’ Alec groaned.

‘You alright there, buddy?’ Jace asked from the front. If he’d caught that on his phone, Alec would make Lily restart the prank wars.

He gently rubbed at his cheek, trying hard to wince as it smarted. He already knew it was going to bruise. ‘Yeah I’d forgotten how sharp her elbows are.’

Jace chuckled but thankfully his phone was nowhere in sight.

‘Sparkles.’ Lily sighed again happily. Alec glanced over to her once again stroking Magnus’ hair. She pulled her hand away and gasped in delight, Alec could see some glitter that had transferred from Magnus’s hair to her hand. She nuzzled into his boyfriends side and happily stayed there the rest of the way home. Occasionally muttering nonsense about sparkles and glitter, patting Magnus’ hair and staring at her now glitter covered hand in awe. But it wasn’t just Lily who Alec couldn’t stop watching, it was Magnus as well. He looked completely gobsmacked that Lily was curled up on him and the happiness that was in his eyes made Alec wonder just how Magnus saw himself fitting in with them. Because Alec had known for a while that Lily had accepted him wholeheartedly and viewed him as part of their family. It looked like Magnus was only just getting that memo.

When they pulled up in front of the brownstone house, Lily was still lazing happily over Magnus who was still staring at her in unconcealed delight. Alec got out his side and watched in amusement as Jace beat him to opening the other door.

Lily glared at the interruption and kicked out, catching Jace’s groin dead on. ‘My sparkles!’

Jace doubled over with a painful whimper and fell to the ground gasping. He curled up and didn’t move. Alec grinned broadly and stepped over him. Karma was a bitch. ‘Do you think you and your sparkles could get out the cab and into the house?’

Lily looked up to Magnus questioningly. Alec bit his lip as he realised that she had just effectively handed Magnus the entire deck of cards. Whatever he wanted to do, she would agree with.

‘I want to go into the house.’ Magnus said seriously. Alec wondered if he realised just how much sway he held with her now. She would follow his every command.

 ‘Okay.’ Lily sighed and allowed them both to help her out the cab and into the house where Izzy was already waiting with the door open for them.

She took one look at Jace, still moaning on the floor, lying in the foetal position with tears leaking out his eyes, and stepped to one side to allow them through. ‘What did he do?’

‘No one takes my sparkles.’ Lily muttered darkly and Alec had to bit his lip to stop from laughing.

‘Damn straight.’ Izzy replied with a perfectly straight face. Alec threw her a grateful smile and she smirked back at him once Lily and Magnus were ahead of her. Alec loved his family, he had no idea what he would do without them and never wanted to find out.

 

 

After settling Lily in her bed, Alec had left her debating with Izzy over whether or not the shower water had sparkles in it. He’d come downstairs to find Magnus sat on the sofa staring blankly out the window, completely unaware of his presence.

Alec walked around him and into his line of view but Magnus didn’t seem to notice.

‘Magnus?’ Alec frowned as he squatted down in front of him. Magnus drew in a shaky breath and finally turned his blank stare to Alec. ‘Hey, Magnus.’

Alec cupped his cheek, trying to figure out what had happened. When the first tear fell, Alec could guess that this was the straw that broke the camels back. He shifted himself up onto the sofa next to Magnus and pulled his boyfriend into his lap, hugging him tightly. He wasn’t surprised when the dam broke and Magnus’ body was wracked with great heaving sobs.

Alec held Magnus in his arms, absentmindedly shushing him every now and then, just to have some soothing noise coming out of his mouth. He wasn’t surprised about the crying outbreak, although he was surprised at how long it had taken though. But he did wonder at the timing. He’d been expecting this once they had gotten home from the hospital the first time. After everything with his stalker, the fight at his offices, catching Lilith and finding out she was his stalker. Killing Jonathan and Lily shooting herself, he expected Magnus to break down or scream and shout and cry then. But now? When he was so obviously a part of their family?

Unless that was it. Had it all hit Magnus now when he realised he was family to them? When Lily shoved it in his face just how much he was considered family? That she had fully and wholly accepted him and considered him family? That she cared for him just as much as she did everyone else?

He tightened his arms around Magnus, rocking him slightly as he allowed him to keep crying and get it all out. He would feel better for it afterwards. Alec knew from personal experience how drained he would feel afterwards, and that he would need someone there with him. Someone he loved and trusted. Alec knew that person was him. He kissed Magnus’ forehead and gently rocked him as he settled in for a long night.

 


	16. Heart to Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of the excerpts! Set in Chapter 35 of One Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I can't believe this is the last chapter! But I am working on a follow-up one shot of Simon and Raphael but it will take me a while. Anyway hope you enjoy it! <3

_Heart to hearts_

 

 

‘I’m selling the loft.’ Alec blinked at Magnus’s words, his shoulders instantly tense. He quickly took a breath and forced himself to relax before Magnus noticed. By Lily’s sideways look at him she had already noticed. He’d known that Magnus hadn’t really been paying any attention to the film that he and Lily were ripping to pieces but thoroughly enjoying. Slating it was half the fun.

He hoped that Magnus was thinking along the same lines as him as far as living arrangements were concerned, but it wasn’t something they had talked about. Even if he and Lily had had a conversation about it. He hadn’t quite gotten around to bringing it up with Magnus, or rather, he hadn’t quite gotten the courage to talk to Magnus about properly moving in. It wasn’t something he ever thought he would have to contend with. Not after his discharge from the army. Izzy had assumed him and Lily would live together due to their PTSD and they had agreed, they had both been too damaged to live alone. And while Lily hadn’t wanted to move to New York permanently, not with Jack living in the city, not even she could say no to Izzy when she had made her mind up about something. And he’d never thought either of them would find someone who would fit in so well with them, who would accept and love them even with their PTSD. So, he hadn’t really been sure how to bring the conversation up or direct it in the way he wanted it to go. But there was now no time like the present.

 ‘I never spend any time there.’ Luckily Magnus hadn’t noticed his lapse in concentration as he began rambling, his head still settled comfortably in Alec’s lap and his feet in Lily’s. ‘I don’t think I feel safe there and this way I can find a place closer to you guys.’

Alec smiled down at his boyfriend in amusement, wondering if this might, hopefully, be Magnus’ way of wangling a permanent invite. The thought of Magnus finding somewhere else to live and moving out sent tendrils of fear spiralling up his spine and he point blank refused to contemplate the idea. Even if moving in permanently was too soon. But he refused to scare Magnus off by turning it too serious. He wasn’t entirely sure how he should handle this. He glanced at Lily and she nodded back at him encouragingly. Well, she looked more like she was trying hard not to laugh at him but he decided to take it as encouraging as that was what he needed.

 ‘Or.’ Alec said slowly, trying not to sound as if he was doubting the entire universe. Why couldn’t he be one of those people that always seemed to know just what to say or the right words to persuade everyone to your way of thinking? ‘You could just move in here. With us.’

Magnus opened his mouth but said nothing. Alec tried not to freak out as Magnus glanced at Lily. God, had Alec misread the entire situation? He tried to think of examples but none came to mind instantly. He’d thought things had been going great between them all. There hadn’t even been any arguments, at least none that had involved Magnus. While he and Lily would snipe at each other a lot, it never meant anything. Even their PTSD hadn’t been that bad, not when Magnus had been around anyway, but Alec knew that that was only a matter of time. It would flare up again, it always did.

Magnus glanced back at him and then to Lily again. ‘And you would be okay with this?’

Alec felt a tightness he hadn’t realised he had sudden loosen from around his chest. He’d thought Magnus was going to come up with an excuse as to why he couldn’t possible stay with them. He felt himself relax and smile again.

Alec watched as Lily shrugged but squeezed Magnus’s feet. ‘To be completely honest? We’d both kinda assumed you already had.’

‘What?’ Magnus stared at her and Alec felt his body suddenly still. It was clear that Magnus hadn’t been thinking along the same lines and him and Lily then. Alec dearly wanted to know why the thought of moving in with them put that sad look on his boyfriend’s face. He knew Magnus well enough to know that he didn’t want this, he would have objected by now. So, what exactly was going through his boyfriend’s mind. ‘You did?’

‘Well.’ Lily shrugged as if it was obvious. ‘Yeah. I mean you’ve stayed almost every night since that idiot tried to break in to yours, or we stayed with you. Plus, when I run out of make-up, yours is right there.’

Magnus nodded but still didn’t look as happy as he had before they’d started this conversation. Alec deliberately coughed and glared at Lily. She would have to give him a much better reason that make-up to get him to see that she wanted him there too.

‘Oh for fuck’s sake, if I had a problem I’d have said. I like you living with us.’ Lily snarled. Alec bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling. Lily wasn’t the most articulate with her feelings and was a firm believer of the saying “actions speak louder than words”. She had proved to Magnus with her actions that she liked him and quite clearly didn’t understand why she had to say it as well.

Magnus raised his head and stared at her, looking surprised. Lily pinched the soul of his foot and Alec felt Magnus jerk in response and then glare at her. ‘I thought I was supposed to be the girl out of the three of us?’

Alec wasn’t sure if Magnus was aware of the soft look that covered his face and the fact that his shoulder had wobbled as he tried not to laugh, but took it as a good sign.

‘And anyway. Chairman loves living here. He has three floors to play over.’ Lily continued, looking as if she was playing her trump card and ignoring them both staring at her. ‘He would never forgive you if you left.’

Alec saw Magnus suddenly grin at the mention of his cat.

‘And nobody takes your sparkles from you.’ Magnus’ words took Alec by surprise but he knew then that it was settled. Magnus was moving in with them. Properly and permanently.

Lily laughed, loud and carefree, and promptly quoted Izzy. ‘Damn straight.’

Alec grinned down at Magnus while he laughed, wondering if his boyfriend had realised what this all meant, now that he was officially moving in and stalker free. Magnus had always been social, and it was a pretty safe bet that when things with his stalker began heating up, Magnus had slowly cut out his social life to protect people. And even if Alec was a fan of going out much, he would make sure that Magnus got everything that he wanted out of life.

 

 

‘We’ve narrowed down the times that the security breaches are happening and on whose card.’ Alec said, still debating if he wanted to get out of this meeting or not. He regretted taking on Lily’s ex and for every second that he was in the man’s company wondered just what had attracted her to him. He was good looking, Alec would give him that, but so were plenty of others. His business partner Edward included. But the man just had no substance to him, even if he did seem to understand the stock market, but again, so did his business partner. If Lily met Jack now, without their history, she wouldn’t bother giving him the time of day, or she’d give him some snide comment about staying out the way while the grown-ups figured everything out. He wished he could presently do the same.

‘It’s the same card every time?’ Jack asked astonished.

Alec nodded, trying not to make his deep breath obvious.

‘Whose is it?’ Edward asked, his face was blank but Alec could see the frown hinting at his forehead and the cogs beginning to turn. He could easily imagine that the man’s brain had whirled into activity as he thought of possible culprits.

‘That’s the problem.’ Alec sighed, he genuinely hoped that they would recognise the name but doubted it. He couldn’t find it anywhere in their history of employees, past of present, or either of their background checks. But that still didn’t mean that they hadn’t come across this name before. And it was too common a name on its own to simply track the person down.  And, of course, it could just be a fake name. ‘The name on it isn’t on your employee roster.’

‘That’s impossible.’ Jack blustered, looking at Alec as if he were an idiot.

Edward, however, looked thoughtful.

‘Hey Alec.’ The door swung open and Lily strode in not even blinking at his clients. Both men turned at the interruption but while Jack’s face had looked like he’d suddenly sucked down a lemon the wrong way, Edward’s had lit up in recognition, a smile covering his face even though Alec wasn’t sure if she had noticed them. He wondered if she knew Jack was one of them. She perched on his desk, her back to the two men and her arm still in its sling. ‘I’m bored.’

‘Tough shit.’ Alec told her dryly, even if he was pleased at the interruption. ‘Go find someone else to annoy.’

‘But someone else didn’t break my arm.’ She smiled winningly at him.

He glared at her. ‘I didn’t break your arm.’ He muttered. He noticed how Edward’s eye’s widened and surreptitiously give her a once over. Jack just looked pissed off but Alec couldn’t have cared less.

‘But you did let me fall over the banister.’

He snarled at her.

She rolled her eyes and threw down a leaflet on the table. ‘Thought we could go to this.’

He picked up the leaflet for a charity gala and didn’t bother to restrain his groan. ‘No.’

‘Oh come on, I’m sure Magnus would love to have the opportunity to dress up for something like this.’ Her eyes had lit up and it was clear by the pleased expression on her face that she knew she already had him, but he wouldn’t give in without a fight.

‘Magnus doesn’t need an excuse to dress up.’ Alec glared at her, but could already feel his resolve failing. He had been thinking about places he could take Magnus out to, and this was a perfect opportunity, but he wasn’t he going to tell Lily that.

‘But I’m sure he’d love to go.’

‘But I don’t.’ His voice was hard and flat and he glared coldly at her. She ignored him.

‘Details.’ Lily waved her hand in dismissal and got up off his desk heading for the door, still not acknowledging his two clients. ‘I’m meeting Magnus for lunch, I’ll let him know we’re going.’

‘I love my boyfriend more than I love you.’ He shouted after her, still glaring even though she wasn’t looking.

Her laughter floated back to him. He was glaring after her when he felt a small smile tug at his mouth. Occasionally it hit him just how lucky he truly was. Lily and Magnus had accepted one another and enjoyed each other’s company. Lily could easily either go on her own or not have bothered to think of including Magnus. But she had and more importantly she wanted Magnus with them. He didn’t want to think about what could have happened if they hadn’t liked each other or had tried to make him choose. He had no idea what he would have done if something like that had happened. How could someone choose between the love of their life and their anchor, the person who kept them sane?

He was still staring at the door she had just left through, when he suddenly realised something else and turned to look at the man sitting nearest the door. The one still staring after her, the one who hadn’t taken his eyes off of her and had stared overly long at her arse.

The man she had been very deliberately ignoring. And it wasn’t Jack.

He handed Edward the flyer. ‘She’ll pick you up at eight.’

‘Sorry?’ Edward turned back to face him, blinking in confusion as he glanced between Alec and the flyer for the charity gala.

‘Lily. She’ll pick you up at eight.’

‘What?’ Jack cut in harshly.

‘Oh I’m sorry, did you want to say something to her?’ Alec cut in, amusement lacing his cold tone. ‘Maybe ask her to wait for you then never contact her again?’

He watched in satisfaction as the man paled.

‘Am I missing something?’ Edward asked frowning.

‘I’ll let your business partner explain about his childhood sweetheart when you’re not paying for my time.’

Alec hid his smile as Edward narrowed his eyes at Jack. He was pretty sure that Magnus would like Edward. And if he was reading Lily right, and he knew he was, they would be seeing a lot more of Edward.

 

 

 


End file.
